Does anyone feel that they are happy with being in "The closet"? It has never crossed my mind of ever revealing my sexuality. The reason is because if I did come out then that would cause a lot of tension on my part. I do believe that I will be accepted, but I do not want to create the new "identity" in fact if I came out and was STILL accepted I would probably regret it. -- I am not sure why I feel like this. (It may be because I was raised with very strong Christian values, but stopped going to church because of my double life and I do not want add hypocrisy) I truly do not know why, but I feel a lot more confident with who I am in the closet. All us boys are allowed to have 1 or 2 secrets. (Or does that only apply to girls? Lol)
New18, No pressure. Sure stay there just like I did. So......with all things in life there are "risks". As safe as that warm, safe & cozy closet seems......well.........it's not. In fact, it's quite the opposite. What you must realize is life in the closet is like a "slow leak" or a "drip". Trust me......you will hear the drip inside your head "i'm gay i'm gay i'm gay". Eventually like all things or leaks........under pressure.......eventually your soul will speak & at some point now or in 20 yrs..........you will come out! Go ahead.......give your self all the time you need. But I promise you........nothing compares when you can live your life on your terms and be accepted or not for being you........just the way you are! Give this some serious thought......before you make the "closet your permanent address" Stay Strong & Bust Down those Doors.........when you're ready of course! :icon_wink Suede7 Delray Beach, FL.
I think that you should do whatever makes you happy. However, not to diminish you or anything, but I do think it's easier to stay closeted as a bisexual because you are not completly cut off from the sex you are attracted to then as a homosexual.
I've heard for men its hard to stay bisexual. Either your gay and sometimes have feelings for women. Or either your straight and feel like experimenting. For me honestly. I would say its 50/50 .. I really think so. Is that possible, or it feels like I am fooling myself FROM the truth?
Bisexuality is incredibly fluid. Saying that your feelings are going to be so clear-cut is like saying that someone is either straight or gay. Which.... hopefully, you've discovered, isn't the case. haha IMO there are certain things that, while helped by the guidance of others, require no outside influence in the conclusions that one has to come to for his/herself... sexuality is right up there.
You know, there are about 2 or 3 times in my life when my understanding of myself was almost as clear was it is now - even if for only an hour or so - and I remember, in these times, thinking that I would NEVER come out, even if it turned out I was totally gay rather than bisexual, and that there was no way I would ever live as a lesbian or bisexual person. In my head, in these more lucid moments, I believed that to do such a thing would be to "rock the boat", which I definately did not want to do. However, now, many years and life-experiences later, I am in a very different position. Finally, I want out. And this is coming from someone who was very closeted, even to themselves - and even in my less self-closeted moments, I recall thinking to myself that I never, ever, wanted to come out. What I mean is: it may never have crossed your mind to reveal your sexuality - as it never did me mine, until now - but just be aware that it might lie latent in you and that one day, you will want out just as I do. And I think that having reservations probably means you're not ready to come out yet, to be honest. Don't come out because you feel you have to - you don't ever *have* to - but only ever come out because you want to, when you want to, to whom you want to. So if you don't want to come out yet, then I recommend that you don't, because it can be stressful, especially if your lack of readiness means that you have to jump back in. If someone had told me 5 years ago that I would come out, I'd've laughed (and been like "what do you mean?"). Plus, most importantly, although many people find coming out a good experience, don't forget that you have the rest of your life to figure this out, and to come out.
Suede7 summed it up well. I realised I was gay in my teens but denied it for several years. I was determined that I would stay in the closet, nobody would know, and thought it would go away if I ignored it. It doesn't work though. I spent too much time and effort trying to be someone I wasn't. As a result I never really fitted in with the other guys at work. Their discussions about girls and football didn't interest me. I had a lot of problems finding my place in life. I drifted in and out of various hobby groups (amateur dramatics, hospital radio etc) and never really fitted in. Meanwhile this gay thing was not going away. It kept reminding me that it was there and needed to be dealt with. I had a big crush on Ralph Macchio (Karate Kid) for a while, as well as crushes on guys at work. I had a couple of girlfriends which were unsuccessful. By the time I got to my mid 20s it was becoming such an issue that I had to face it. I couldn't ignore it and hide in my closet any more; it was becoming too prominent to ignore. I came out to myself and then others when I was in my mid 20s. It was such a relief to finally be myself and not to have to keep up the pretence of being someone I wasn't. I wasted 10 years figuring this out.
You're fooling yourself, like I am. I do want to stay closeted, I want a wife, kids, and a family. . . .Plus, I really don't know why I can't, I feel like the gayness is wearing off. . . .it's strange. . . . but it does come back. I see guys who are gay, and I don't think it's right. It doesn't FEEL right to be with a guy for me, it FEELS right to be with a girl. Sorry if I dumped my problem on your problem.
No offense but staying in the closet knowing your gay is a nightmare, but on the other hand I came out and I don't feel the relief everybody talks about, now I just feel more self conscious I question everything, before I'd say whatever I wanted and acted anyway I wanted now I don't, which I attribute to being in the closet for all my life. I knew I was gay when I was 13 probably even before, don't wait 30 years, but you have to do what you have to do.
You are definetly not alone, but not wanting to be out of the closet can deter possible dates. In the end, its weather you want to get a boyfriend/partener or just settle down with a girl. I know a couple people that are content keeping their feelings to a few people, and i respect that.
A few months ago I would have never considered coming out either, and when I told my friend about my sexuality, she asked if I was going to tell my parents, and I was like "Are you KIDDING?!?!" Well look at me now, I'm on the point of coming out to my mum..all it took was time, so maybe that's how it will be for you. Just don't do it if you're not comfortable with it.
I haven't actually spoken the words "I am bi" to anyone, but I am pretty much out of the closet. I don't feel the need to go telling everyone, but I do feel that I am able to be open about who I am attracted to/who I can fall in love with/who I want a relationship with. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm quite happy for my sexuality to be quite a private thing, mostly between me and whoever I am attracted to, but I just would not feel right "hiding" who I really am.
