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Starting back with some therapy

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by The14Me, Sep 18, 2012.

  1. The14Me

    Regular Member

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    I decided to go back into therapy so I might discuss my coming out and the experience I have had so far with it.

    I have done a fair amount of reading as I am interested in educating myself about being Gay and the emotional side of my sexuality.

    I am very much concerned for my wife and sons.

    I am interested in understanding how I self validate and how I can build upon my own validation as a human being.

    I want to understand society's role in shaping my Gay life or should I say my former Closeted Gay life.

    Now that I am out to my wife, sons, mom, brother & sister, I am ready to start my next chapter.

    I have fears. I am afraid at times. I am excited too & excited about the future.

    I am optimistic.

    I have started attending a Gay church in my area. I am getting to know the people there and I really love to go there. I feel like I can just be myself.

    I know I have to deal with shame and guilt. I have to deal with the harm I have caused to myself as well as the injury inflicted by family, straight church & homophobic America too.

    I think I need to understand my own internalized homophobia I have directed against myself.

    I am preparing for divorce. It could be sooner or later or she could decide to turn away and just never ask about it - I doubt that last one as I don't think I even want that.

    I do love her. I respect her too much and she says she'd like to find another husband.

    Three great sons & 21 years - I want to remember all the good stuff we shared.

    I want to be authentic to the person I am and have always been.

    I keep my mouth shut to keep the peace, but I am feeling that isn't being too authentic.
    For now maybe it is just smart as we decide how to best approach the subject of divorce.
     
  2. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi there! You have come to the right place to seek support and suggestions on moving froward.

    It's wonderful that you are educating yourself and are trying to understand your sexuality and the larger environment/society, and how it shaped and helped to define you, better. Going back into therapy and talking about and understanding your shame, guilt and internalized homophobia is definitely something worthwhile and will allow you to live your life fully.

    It is only natural and understandable that you are concerned for your wife and your sons, and they might also be concerned about you, even though it might not be apparent at times. Being out to them, and living your life authentically, is probably the greatest reassurance you can provide them with.

    In time, you will find answers to handling the divorce, and all of the other issues that might appear on the horizon.
     
  3. The14Me

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    Hi Mirko,

    Thank you for your kind reply.
    The whole experience of coming out has been traumatic & exciting. I have a long long way to go yet.

    I am trying to respond in a loving manner and with honesty.

    I appreciate the support because God knows I need it.

    Hugs,
    Leobear
     
  4. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    I think it is the case for a quite a few people who come out later in life as it requires a lot of changes, and some of these changes affect family members and others directly and indirectly. These changes alone, and the worries of 'what will happen to them, and to me?' and 'where will all of this end up?' are a big part in making this an unsettling experience. But, and as you have said, there is also this part of excitement of the new possibilities and of being able to live life authentically and with 'honesty.'

    It's never easy to let go of the old and to chart a new unfamiliar territory but it sounds like you are doing the right things already.