Okay so...hi. This is my first ever post here and so...yeah. Well. Okay. About three or so weeks ago, I discovered that I was attracted to girls. And I'm sure you can imagine how freaked out I was. I mean, I was always really afraid to be around guys, I dont know why, I thought it was because I was sexually abused as a child, but I'm over that now, so I didn't think it would still affect me, but...yeah. So like I was saying, I was always nervous/nauseated/scared with guys, and with girls I was/am always comfortable. So like most young adults who are close to their parents, I told my dad. And my mom. And my mom was cool with it you know, very chill. She just kinda shrugged at me and was like "I always had a feeling about that". :rolle: But my dad...see, I live with my dad, not my mom. And I told him, and he said I wasn't a lesbian and that I was just feeling that way because I was/am lonely. But about a week ago we had a falling out b/c he thought I was lusting over women on TV. (Which I totally wasn't- her makeup was FLAWLESS, I just commented on it.) And he told me that I can be whatever I wanted to be(he made several references to beastiality) as long as I am none of those things in his house. He told me that if I ever talked about it again he would throw me out. And so now, I'm like, always walking on eggshells so to speak. Its not so much that I am afriad of him or anything, I'm just...scared, I guess. Uncomfortable. Because I can't just breathe like I want to, you know? I feel like I'm hiding a part of myself, and I've never been good at hiding my personality. But it's all I can do to keep from crawling into a hole and dying right now. I just don't like this feeling. I dont like having to hide like this. So yeah...that's it. Thank for reading this, and thanks for welcoming me so openly.
Oh god, I'm so sorry your dad said those things to you, I couldn't imagine. Is it possible to live somewhere else, perhaps with your mom? Welcome, by the way
I can't live with her. It's not safe for me there. Her bf is very much an ass and can be quite abusive. He is just no good. And I don't want to be around him. I am trying to find ways of leaving, but I don't have a job. I just don't know how to feel comfortable with myself while I'm here. And thanks for the welcome
You situation is terrible. Parents need to give their kids unconditional love. Hang in there until you can get out on your own. Very sorry you are not in a more supportive environment.
If I were you I'd find myself a job (any job) and get out of that house as soon as I could. Do you have any friends looking to move out?
Why not transfer far away to a university and live on campus? If your parents don't make a lot of money, you can qualify for financial aid. The government is paying my full ride this year, 2 grants and 2 loans. Just an option. If school isn't your thing, you may want to start job hunting like mad. I transferred 680 miles away from home, and let me tell you, it's so liberating.
Hang in there You have already made it 20 years, and you can make it just a bit longer. You are finally at the age where independence is really at your fingertips (I am 20, also). If you just keep looking I'm sure you can find a way to live your own life meanwhile keeping family relationships intact. You just need some space, is all. School, jobs, and hobbies can take you places. You could even just save up and find a roommate and say you want to learn to live on your own. Living away from home has given me a lot of independence, and I have really begun to find myself. Just don't give up!
Your story was very moving, and I, like commandZ, would recommend moving out or moving in with your mom.. I hope the best for you
