Came out months ago, but finally really talked about it. Yay!

I mostly just want to vent here, and I figured this would be the best spot for it because of the sort of coming out part of it.

I came out to a friend during spring break of this year through texting...and it went very well, but since then I had never actually said anything or acknowledged that she knew about it. I felt like I had basically just gone back in the closet and I hated it. I'm not saying I want to go around flaunting it or anything, but I don't want to feel like I ran back in the closet either...if that makes any sense.

This past saturday most of the adult (18+) black belts/instructors and a few other friends went to our martial arts instructor's house after a tournament to basically hang out and share a fridge full of alcohol. It was fun, for the first few hours we were all hanging inside, talking, just having a good time really. After a little while she tells me "let's go outside" and we did. It was just the two of us sitting on the porch outside talking about what felt like every aspect of life. Some of it was serious s***, I talked to her about some childhood abuse issues, she told me about how she was basically raped recently (the waking up without clothes and not remembering it type of situaition :icon_sad: )...needless to say we're even closer now. I'm worried about her now because of what she told me, especially since that night we ended up having to carry her upstairs to bed because she drank so much...but that's a whole new thread.

Anyway...at some point during the conversation, and I don't remember how it came up (I wasn't exactly sober either...lol), we ended up talking about me being bisexual. This was the first time I actually TALKED about it. She kept saying how she doesn't care and that it doesn't bother her, she actually seemed a little pissed off when we were talking about people's acceptance...or lack of acceptance. I actually told her about liking a mutual friend of ours, which I never thought I would do because in a small close-knit group of friends like we have, that can cause some issues. But she was okay with that too. She also didn't seem surprised when I told her that up until the past couple months I seriously hated myself for it, and she didn't seem surprised...we just talked about everything.

There are alot of thoughts and feelings going through my head since then because of all the things we talked about, but it's like I feel like I'm really out to one person. Not just texting it and then pretending I never said anything...I'm really out. I CAN talk about it. I DID talk about it. Even through all the other slightly f***ed emotions going through my head, I feel this overwhelming sense of freedom. I can't wait to see my friend at karate tomorrow.

Sorry this was kind of long and didn't really have a clear topic or anything...I just needed to vent and decided this was the best place for it. Thanks for actually reading this far. (*hug*)