She thinks that I 'think' I'm a lesbian...

oh damn. that really sucks. Maybe ask Becky for some PFLAG stuff? that way you can give it to your mum when you see her at half term. Honestly, if you know that you're lesbian, then power to you girl, and I wish you best of luck with whoever you choose to shower your love onto. But at least your mum's kinda open and willing to talk about it huh? YOu just have to be really firm about the fact that its not something you "think" is happening. Its a something you know to be true.

Best of luck with your mum darling. I'll pm Becky and get her to send you some PFLAG stuff.

 

well, it sounds bad at first, but it's a lot better than it could be. at least she is still loving. when you talk at half term, just firmly tell her as many times as possible that you are quite sure, you have struggled for a long time, and really you are the one who should know. eventually, she will get the message. just don't give in! good luck!!

 

Yea- it could be worse. Think positively- eventually she will realize that its not a phase.

 

I think parents underestimate what kids our age can seriously feel and think. Mostly because there are those retarded girls that are bi and lesbian because it's trendy. I'm really sorry you have to go through this.

My parents didn't believe me when they found out I was interested in boys at thirteen. [I was actually interested in them since I was like, 3]. Eh, maybe it's just too hard a reality for them to accept.

Not sure, but I hope you deal with this rationally. Make sure the conversation doesn't overstep any boundaries. Because I did before. I actually started yelling at my mom.

 

heatqueen..... I would be happy to mail you some PFLAG materials to use before you speak with your mom again. I think they will help her understand better.

 

Heatqueen, my dear...
Mom's in stage one denial: "It's not possible..it's a phase..bla bla..." She'll get it when you tell her how much it means to you and how much you have struggled...She may still deny it, but give her time; it does sound like she loves you and has a fairly iopen mind about it. Think about it,honestly; would you want your child to struggle like we have and feel the pain we have? Just another point of view.
Stick your guns and follow your heart(I never met a metaphor I couldn't mix)
xo Darya

 

On a good note, she at least seems somewhat accepting? Maybe that's just me, but it was like she sort of understood; like even if she wasn't happy to accept it now she might be able to in time. I don't know her, so I obviously can't tell for sure, that's just the impression I got.

Still, the fact that she thinks it's a "phase" still can't be comforting and I understand why you'd be feeling terrified. I guess all I can say is what everyone else has said: just keep telling her that you definitely like girls and that this isn't a phase. I don't know how long it is until you go to Wells, as I have no idea what Wells is, but if you keep saying it even after you go there, she's likely to get the message that no, things aren't going to change. I don't know whether that's a long time or a short time -- and, hey! there's every possibility it won't take that long -- but hold out. This is who you are, and to live you're life as who you are with supporting parents will surely be worth it.

*hugs* I'm sure you'll get through it.

 

That's quite all right. I hope I was of some use, at least.

 

well, at least... once you go to wells, you can be out of her hair, right? you can do what you like

maybe try talking to her about why you feel this way. for example, she says she thought that too at first, but then realised she was straight. try and find out why she was confused and explain exactly why your feelings are different. she probabaly just thinks you have a girl-crush on one particular friend or something. if you explain that you really like lots of women and that you actually would like to kiss a girl (or whatever kind of level of description your mum would understand lol), she might realise how different the two situations are.

 

I think that the only thing that will really make your mum realise that you're serious, and that you're not confused/in a phase, is time. I think that if, as time goes by (and by this I could actually mean years), and she realises that you still like women, then she will hopefully eventually accept. It sounds as though she's in denial, or hoping it's a phase, but it also sounds like she won't do anything drastic like throw you out or anything - which is always a good thing! If you think about it, this way, with her telling herself this, she gets the truth to dawn on her slowly, rather than in one big terrifying moment. But whilst I would recommend stating your case that you do not think it a phase, I'm not sure that getting into an argument would be a good thing - as with time, and the realisation that you *still* like women, she may come round naturally.

But at least she kinda already knows, even if she's going all phasey on you!!
Good luck!

 

Your mum is struggling with this, searching for excuses not to accept the inevitable, give her time love and patience... all the things you are looking for in her.

Please don't get into a shouting match with your mum, she is as fragile as you are at the moment! Take on board the stupid things she is going to say 'just a phase', 'because of Madeline' etc. and say 'We'll see', or 'I asked myself that question but really mum it's not'.

Do you see what I'm getting at, don't just shoot your mum down and treat her as though she knows nothing (although she does know nothing about homosexuality that is not necessarily her fault) Don't FORCE your mum to come round, don't ram it down her throat. She will come round, she loves you but this thing can be very frightening to a mum. Everything that you thought you knew, no sorry KNEW she knew, about you is turned upside down and she won't really know how to react or what to say, denial is oh so comfortable.

I think you just need to tell her that you are a lesbian and leave it at that, answer her questions, let her talk about it if she needs to but don't rise to the bait. I know it seems like I am asking you to reverse the roles here and in a way I am. You have had 2 years to come to terms with this. Why did it take you so long?... because it is not an easy thing to accept, because it changes your world and the way people will react to you. Well it's just as hard for your mum. You can't reasonably expect her to come to terms with this in just a few days, these things take time.

Oh by the way I think it is very courgagious of you to tell her, she will eventually appreciate your candour and honesty... promise.

Feel free to PM me if you want a mum's side of things (*hug*)

 

I corresponded with the author of that book for awhile. Sadly, I didn't finish the book. Was it good?