I told my mom I was gay today, while I was driving back from Walmart. I figured she'd understand and be okay since shes always said she wouldn't care who any of her kids love as long as they where happy. My moms whole reaction was completely unexpected but I guess I didn't really know what to expect, so the conversation went a little like this: Me: Mom I've had something that I've wanted to tell you for a long time but I really haven't been sure how to.. Mom:What is it? Does it have to do with school?! Are you failing a class? Did you get a girl pregnant?! Did you get kicked out of an online class?! Me: No, no mom I assure you it's nothing to do with school. Believe me, everything is fine in that area. Mom: Then what is it? Tell me Me: Well, there's really no easy way for me to say it.. Mom: Are you Gay? Me: Well, yes. Mom: I don't believe you! Me: Mom I'm serious I really am gay! Mom: It's just a phase you'll get over it, believe me. Me: Mom it's not a phase. Mom:Then explain to me why you feel this way, how long you've known. I don't think you've dates enough to girls to know your gay, not every girl in the city is going to be attracted to you, don't worry. There's someone out there for you! Me: I've known for a long time, and, the girls that I have dated I haven't really felt attracted to, they've all seemed creepy and the whole relationship was wrong. Mom: You don't know yet, your to young! (I just pulled into the driveway so the conversation stopped here because I asked her not to tell anyone) --- A few minutes later I get messages from my mom on facebook, Mom: I don't want you to be..... 8-( I feel like I have failed you somehow as a good mother.... Me:You haven't, It's not your fault nor problem in any way shape or form Mom:i dont know if you really know that Me:I do believe me Mom:I always had dreams for you.. I do appreciate you talking to me though....just think about it a little more.....talk to me again Me:Okay, I will believe me Mom: help me understand, ok? Me: I will ♥ Mom: ♥ I know I need to give my mom some time to digest all this but I honestly feel like I wasn't ready to take this big of a step forward, I hope I didn't mess up..To badly. ._.
I think when you talked in the car she was kinda in shock lol its good that she wants to talk again it means she really wants to undertsand this new thing with you she prouably wants to ask a thosand questions to try to understandwhen you talk next lol she seems supportive to me and willing to really understand this situation in your life ^^ your mom is cool congrats on coming out!!
You did fine, and her reaction is textbook classic. She's already suspected it, or the second option out of her mouth would not have been "are you gay." But... denial is incredibly powerful, and that's exactly what you're seeing here. When anyone processes a loss (in this case, the loss of her perception of her son as straight), there are 5 stages they go through: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. So if you look at what she said, it's classic denial... "It's a phase"... "You haven't found the right girl yet"... "I don't want you to be gay" ... "you're too young." Those are all very typical. So she'll sleep on it (or, more likely, *not* sleep on it) and don't be surprised if, in the next several days, you see some anger coming from her, perhaps in the context of "Don't you DARE tell anyone!" or "After all I've done for you..." or something like that. Just realize it's a normal phase. Sometimes the anger is self-directed. But in any case, it doesn't last very long. The good news is, even in denial, she seems supportive, which to me is a clear indicator that she''l be fine. The truth is, unless you waited forever and she became really suspicious, there's really no way around this sort of conversation and confrontation, so there really isn't much more to wait for to come out, so I don't think you came out too early. Keep us informed on how things go
That part made me optimistic. Your mother loves you. And yes, it is hard for her to believe. But the above shows that she really WANTS to understand/believe etc. The problem with parents these days is they all hope/expect their child to grow up to be the perfect little prince/princess. To get married and have children of their own. Of course all these things are still possible, but your mum may not realise that. I think its great that you and your mum are close enough to be able to ahve these sort of conversations. And I believe that iyou will both be able to help eachother in the long run. And as for messing up, no, I really do not tihnk you did.
I think it rather well compared to how it could have gone and congrats on having the courage to do it. I think the fact that she wants to talk more about it is a good thing, my mom basically said "you're not gay, end of discussion" and won't hear another word about it. Just remember that you've had a long time to work this out and she hasn't. I think she'll come around. Good luck (*hug*)
Thank you everyone for your input on the matter and your kind words. I feel somewhat exposed to her now that I'm not hiding that secret as I'm a really quiet person (to everyone) so it's just weird. So far my mom has been very quiet as I told her not to talk about it in front of my brother and sister. She does indeed have a million questions to ask and it's weird actually talking about it. I feel lost for answers and just want to escape the conversation. She keeps saying she feels like somewhere along the lines she messed up and it's her fault, no matter how much I stress that it was nothing she did and it was has I was born that way.
Hey why dont you download some PFLAG information for her, that might help with some of her questions that you perhaps dont have answers to.
