My first "Coming out"

Hello! How are you all today! I'm really fine now, I feel more relieved when I can tell my story.

First thing: I tend to be very descriptive, so this will be long. Now now, I'm going to tell how went the first time I told someone about me :icon_bigg

The only people I've told about this, are 2 friends. There are only 4 people I consider "Friends" (everybody else is just a "comrade"). I can't tell their names, so I just call them A, B, C and D.

So, when I confronted myself about what I am, I inmediately knew I'd have to tell it to someone. But, of course, I wasn't prepared to tell it to anyone. I spent a couple weeks pondering who will I speak to, and what would I say. Tought that my family was out of the question for the time being, because I just accepted me, and I needed some time to fully embrace what I am, so I can sepak with all the truth I know (as I always speak). I'm goig to tell them when the right time comes. I usually see the "right time" just before it arrives, so ... anyway.

Then I thought about my Friends. And I realized that I care more about how my friends would react than my family. My Friend D, I know he would accept me if I tell him, but he's a doctor, and I'm really afraid that in order to try to accept me he treats me like I have a decease that can be cured. I'm not certain of this, but the fear kept me from telling him. Then is Friend C, I have a lot of respect for him, and is an excellent friend; but he has shown before that he is unconfortable with different people (whenever a LGBT discussion arises, he seems really unconfortable), The problem is I'm unable to gauge his response if I told him anything about this, even telling him I'm bisexual seems out of the question when talking to him, so I discarded him as an option at the time (truth is, that I may be telling him sooner than I want for other reasons).

That left me with Friends A and B. B is A's girlfriend. I chosed them, because I know A very well, and I knew he not only would understand, but also will support me with all he can. I chose B to be there, because I noticed that she refers to herself in masculine (in spanish, gender is noted on every adjective you use; oh yeah, by the way, I'm Mexican) so I understood she was transgender.

For weeks I planned to tell them, but I was too afraid to do so (even when I knew thwy will support me). Every sushi friday (we use to go to eat sushi every friday since almost a year ago) I though "This is my chance", but I knew the chat would be long, and other friends (C and D) will catch with us, so I couldn't. One day I was soooooo close to tell them, when my brother just arrived.

Anyway, I decided to tell A and B one sushi friday, but other friends came early and couldn't. That night, I waited until A left C and D on their houses (A have a car, but C and D no) and called to his cell, and asked him when would he and B have a couple hours to hear what I needed to say. To my surprise, he said B told him right at that moment they had time, so the turned around and came back to my house.

I was really nervous. More so when they arrived. I told them I needed to speak with them about something. But first I warned: "This is a secret, and such, it constitues a BURDEN, one I need help to carry, one that might be a problem, so It's fair I give you the choice before hearing it". He simply answered: "Thanks, but this is important, so we are listening".

I thanked them both, and tried to start, but couldn't get the courage. I was straining to get it out of my mouth. And then, A said "Wait, I see you have trouble, why not let tells you his story first, to get you the courage". I agreed, and then, B told me about her knowing sh was a male and... well I don't think I need to tell his story. B concluded saying that understood his true nature around 12 years old.

Then I started. I said it happened to me at 6. And from there, the next 2 or 3 hours I spent telling them my story. How I started, how is that I'm bisexual, how I felt, how my denial phase lasted 19 years, how I came to confront myself. And why I needed to tell them. I even told them about [warning]

Spoiler

how I like to have anal sex (passive role), and that I really wanted to had it with him (A). He said he needed permision of B (joking) and B took out his camera and said "Go ahead" (half joking). Also, I asked A to stop his usual jokes about implied anal sex, because I may take his word someday. Needless to say he stopped that

I can say for sure, that I chose them wisely. I made no mistake, both Friends have supported me A LOT since then. "A" even "forced" me to present me before both of them crossdressed. But that's a story for another time.

If anyone took the time to read all this, thank you very much, I really like to tell my story, I feel really relieved when I can speak it up.

 

I'll be happy to read about it!

 

Yes. At first, when I actually accepted what I was and wanted, I said it loud and felt a deep relief. Accepting it is the most relieving thing I've done.

But I kenw if I did't tell anyone, that acceptance would fade, I needed to tell it so it would be real. When I did it, I did feel relieved, I felt safe.