Hi, just posting this to see if anyone can offer any advice on next steps. Also to share with any other parents thinking of taking this step. My daughter is 13. I took her for a walk by the river, today, in the Autumn sunshine. She took a picture of a tree in yellow autumnal colours, and we talked about it, standing strong as an individual among all the other trees that are still green. I now have the photo as my phone 'wallpaper'! Then I told her I needed to tell her a little more about why her dad and I need to separate. She didn't want to hear, but we sat down for a while and I told her it was important to me that she heard from me properly, rather than overhearing an an argument at home. Then I just told her... "I'm gay". She was silent for a while. Then cried. I just let her for a few minutes. Then asked if she was able to tell me why she was crying. Then she said something that slightly broke my heart - "I wish you hadn't told me, because now I'll have to keep it as a secret. I can't tell anyone, 'cause it'll be me who gets bullied at school." She also told me it's hard having a parent who is 'not normal'! I pointed out that she's never thought I was 'normal' anyway!! (Like most teenagers she already thinks I'm the most embarrassing person ever to walk the earth!) We talked a bit about the bullying thing - I really hope she's wrong. I'm a high-school teacher myself, and I really don't think it's true to say that bullying's inevitable for her. I think she's being over sensitive, and she's dealing with a massive shock. I'll bring it up again in a few days time, and see if she feels the same. Anyway, after that she let me hold her while she cried some more. Then I managed to persuade her to eat some soup from the flask I had brought, and she changed the subject. Then we walked back to the car, arm in arm and went home. Bluebird
Im not sure I have any great advice but I would say give her a bit of time, perhaps look around if there are any LGBT support groups for families in your situation or any counsellors that specialise in what your daughter is going through. Dont give up im sure she will come around, and I dont think its certain that she will get bullied.
I don't understand why someone would be bullied for having a gay parent. Never heard of that happening before. I have heard of exclusion to private schools by teachers, but that's incredibly old fashioned and I can't see a thirteen-year-old having to deal with it. Not in the UK.
I think right now she is shocked just like if your were straight and she told you that she was gay. I really hope your daughter doesnt have any problems at school but at the same time know that no matter who you are people are going to say something about you.
That was really brave of you. You should be proud of yourself. I don't really have any advice because I've never been in this kind of situation, but I would just let everything play out and see what happens. And you're so right about parents never being normal anyway!
Yup, just give her some time to process - just like parents go through the five stages of grief, children likely go through the same thing when they have a parent who reveals they are gay. I have heard of children of gay parents getting bullied for having two moms or two dads - it's not that common, but it's not unheard of either. That's just my personal perspective though - and hopefully it'll turn out that I'm wrong about bullying for your daughter because of your orientation. Btw, it's brave of you to come up with the courage to tell your daughter, so congrats
I know a couple of people who were adopted by gay couples. I don't think either one of them really had any negative experiences growing up as a result of it.
Please don't kill me for these comments guys... *hides under rock for protection while typing* There's a common misconception that the LGBT community has no interest in children. (this is definately NOT true of course) At some point she may question if she's a mistake (children have a habit of making everything their fault) because two women together cannot naturally reproduce and wonder if she's really wanted. My only advice is to let her go through the grieving process and then remind her often that she is important to you, and answer any questions she has. Let her know you'll protect her because she seems to be taking this upon her own shoulders. That's the only advice I can really offer. Hope it helped.
