Hi folks, I'm out as bi to 3 people, not including a few gay friends who encouraged me to accept it in the first place. I worked up the courage to talk to my best friend about my sexuality, and why I've been unable to even think about it since I was 12. It took me an hour, but that was mostly because there were a series of bees at our table, troubling our meal. After the mortal danger was past, I haltingly and stubbornly worked up to it and just told her what I had to say. "I'm bi. And that's it." and it felt incredibly good to say. My voice might have honestly cracked. Yesterday I was blushing like a fool as I told her about a boy I met. Then I told my male best friend, after building a similar case for why I was so hidden about it. He doesn't share his persuasion with his friends, but he gets drunk and makes slips often enough, so mostly everyone who knows him is now just confused and worried that he is afraid to talk to us. Well, he's bi, or something a little less clearly defined. So that felt really good to hear, though I wish that he could find the courage to talk to the rest of his non-college-residence friends, those of us he's known for the better part of 10 years. He's accepting of who he is, and everyone he met at University is too, I hope he knows his friends at home are just as loyal and love him just as much. And then I talked to my ex, who I'd only broken up with the day before. I was consumed with the feeling that I abandoned her, so I found a way to tell her what was going on with me. That conversation was the hardest yet. I am just stubborn about telling people, I'm not embarrassed, I just get myself worked up over it. I love this part of myself, it's literally a feeling of having found my other half. I never shed a tear about it until she told me she felt like our entire relationship had been a lie. She has promised to be there and support me, but she's incredibly hurt, and doesn't understand why I feel I have to let her go right now. Moving on is a huge mystery. I have no idea where to go or what to do, or how to even go about responding to this part of me. I've walled it off for so long, averting my eyes and carefully watching my comments. Now, I feel the first little hints of having a "type," as I listen to my heart and try to follow what excites me. It feels good to admit, sometimes verbally, to what what excites me, and what makes me happy. I don't know what's ahead for me, but I'm already toying with the idea of spilling the beans to the rest of my friends. My straightest friend is probably next, I just hope he doesn't grovel for having called me gay in that fun, joking way so many times. "Ryan?" "Yeah?" "Nothing, you're gay." :eusa_doh: I fall for it EVERY SINGLE TIME. Maybe I'll springboard off of that? :lol:
lol. I think you should. I've had SO many awkward moments with my best friend it's not funny. If it wasn't joking or actually touching, just funny. lol. Glad to see you're happy being Ryan. I've only talked to you for a little bit and you're just an amazing guy. A little mysterious lol.. but pretty nice and neat to talk to. Hopefully you can find a way to factor her back into your life at the appropriate time. For right now, you kinda have to take this one time in your life and be down right selfish haha. Figure out what will make you happy and stick with it. You're giving a lot back here so don't feel too bad about how that ended. It'll work out
I appreciate the sentiment Pat, I hope it doesn't lead to any awkward moments with my buddy, most of the people I know are so chill I can't imagine it causing any sort of problems. If it does, I'll just play off it and have fun with them :3 I don't know what makes me mysterious, I had lots to say in the threads I started! I was pretty open about the nature of my relationship, I've gone 2 1/2 years without ever telling anyone what was going on there, so really, I've been more open here thann anywhere else! I'm ready to be a bit selfish, for once. I'm just learning to walk here, but pretty soon I'll be on my feet and really moving. I need to figure out what I want, and who I want to be, and I'm eager to get out there and start figuring it out!
