So I came out as Trans to a friend at work tonight. She was fine and all is well on that front It, in this case is more about what brought it on. Lately, the urge to come out as been extremely strong. A surprisingly large part of me wants everyone to know and to hell with the consequences. Anyway last night this friend started a discussion between about five of us about the differences between men and women, mainly regarding communication. She was talking about the things that girls say, and how it tends to be more subtle, and then it turned into a talk about the differences in how men and women argue. I'd go into more detail but I'm on my phone, and its really not integral. I told her that I totally understood where she was coming from. I could have left it there, bit my mouth kept going and, infront of the other four or five people, I told her that I don't fit into the typical gender norms. I covered immediately by turning it into a debate and focusing the attention back on her before anybody had time to read too deep into it. I realized later that, I hadn't been afraid when I covered, but merely covered on reflex because that's what I've always done. I came in tonight, apologized because I'd been a bit of a birch during that debate, and told her exactly why I had done what I'd done. Again, she accepted the apology and told me she was fine with it. It's just strange that after feeling like I've had to hide for so long, to really feel like I want this out there. I kind of feel like a different person than I was a month ago and it feels good.
It does feel really good to come out, for sure, and I completely understand the reflexive thing, I've run into that myself. Congratulations on moving forward, it'll come out faster and easier in the future. Edit: Dirty pun not intended.
Maybe it wasn't intended but the pun was amusing. The thing of it is that a month ago, when I joined this site I was out to three people about this and that had happened a couple years ago. I'd spent the interim repressing again. In one month I've gone from that to telling like ten or eleven more people, seeing a therapist, and wanting to just tell everybody. It's already coming easier. I don't think my slip up was even a slip up, I just reacted poorly because I was surprised. Telling her tonight didn't even phase me, because regardless of what she thought, I have this sudden confidence in myself that I've never had before and I guess maybe I finally feel ok with who I am. Either way though, you're right about the fact that it feels good to come out and it definitely gets easier each time. Thanks
Good, that's why I left it in. Same here, I came out to two people in 2006, and it wasn't until this month a couple weeks ago that I got the courage to come out to an old friend, directly related to this site giving me the courage to do so. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do about my one friend who may not take it well, and even though I don't quite understand myself entirely I can see myself coming out more and more.
I had a friend I was worried about reaction wise. He freely admitted to being somewhat homophobic in general. When I came out to him with my orientation, well gender too actually, he told me it didn't matter and the friendship was mote important. He eventually got over it all together. I guess the point being that people can view something one way in general, and view it completely different when its somebody close. Similar experience with my mother. I don't know what your specific concerns are about that particular friend, but if you truly believe they're your friend, I recommend giving them a shot. For my part, and nobody wants a negative reaction, but I feel at this point like I'm willing to whether it because the freedom I'll feel in the long run, will offset the temporary difficulties and pain. I was texting with my best friend last night before work, and I told her how I'd nearly outed myself, and how I was afraid I might accidentally do just that. She told me that I probably would. (so encouraging, my friend). She said that this was so much at the forefront of my mind, and that I'm so determined to move forward that I've opened a door I can't close anymore. I think she's right too. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could turn back.
There are three reasons why, off the top of my head, I don't want to tell him. First, when he came out here he had just moved from his home state in the south, and was very homophobic, so much so that he actually tapped his houses phone to catch me in a conversation with his sister about my gay boyfriend and I--who would later leave me for her--and how he didn't get all the dirt he needed back then in 2006 I'll never know. Secondly, were I to come out to him it would make it beyond obvious I had something going on with my guy friend, it doesn't matter that he routinely puts the leg over her, it would be obvious. I don't want to put my ex in that position of suddenly having to admit it, constantly deny it, or be ostracised for it by this person. Were I a vindictive guy I would have sacrificed myself to see him squirm, but I'm not, and still hold a soft spot for him. Thirdly, he can't keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it... Fourthly, and I mean this light heartedly, I'll need to get another mechanic friend if I lose him. Mind you, it's been very very interesting to watch this backwards thinking "hill-person" be completely changed over the years by our states liberality--he no longer seethes with hatred, and is pretty (outwardly) understanding, it's definitely not for him though. Same, were it not for being stuck between a rock and a hard place I'd probably make a goal to get it all over with by the end of the year, or make a new years resolution to that effect, or some such.
I know what you feel!!! Well, at least I think so.... When I accepted myself, I knew I had to tell somebody, or I'll go crazy. When I told my 2 friends about me, I felt relieved. But also, since that momment, I felt the urge to tell other people about me. Every time I have a conversation with a friend, I imagine myself saying "Yeahh, that's funny. By the way, I'm bisexual and transgender" and inmediatly I supress such a ludicrous desire. When in the office, there's this coworker I really want to come out to, and often I find myself rhinking in a situatioin where that topic my come to hand. But again, I supress it. Same with my parents, every time I see them I really want to tell them (I know I'll do it sometime), but at the end of the day, I need to be carefull who I come out to and how I do that. Actually .... I plan to come out to a friend tonight, but I'm still affraid. But I get this urge to tell him. I think, that once I told my 2 friends about ti, I felt sooo comfortable that I wanted to share it with everybody, so I can be as confortable with everyone and not just my 2 friends. :icon_redf
Alan: I'm sorry about the position you're in. I can completely understand your reluctance to say anything to that friend. If I'd been dealing with a friend like that, I may not have come out to him when I did either. Then again, sometimes my own behavior compels me to work without a net I know for me, the tough one is going to be my father. I think the trick is to build your support base. Get people behind you that can be there to fall back on when the shit hits the fan. By the way, not going to fault you for the mechanic thing. I know next to nothing about cars and, were I in your pisition, whether I wanted it to or not, that would probably factor to some extent for me too By the way I like your "goal" idea so much that I'm commuting to being completely out of the closet by July. I should be out of the house by then. Cassandra: First of all good luck tonight. If you get nervous just remember how good it felt last time you came out Second, yeah I see a lot of myself in what you wrote; constantly imagining saying it to anybody I'm talking to who doesn't know, and definitely to my parents, albeit my father to a lesser extent. I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna blurted it out at some point Let me know how it goes tonight!
Thanks, it's definitely not just being scared to do it. I find it hilarious, that when everything was said and done, and he started seeing** our lady friend, that >I< was worried about the day when he'd get a boyfriend and come out, putting me in that precarious position with the aforementioned friend. Instead, it's me, the bisexual, who is wanting to come out and be free finally while my gay friend rattles his woman every night. I'm glad you like the goal idea, I'm going to see if I can't make one myself that skirts around my issue with the friend above. **He, unintentionally cruelly, points out that they are not dating, nor are they "seeing each other," he is only there for the kicks. She hates this, and I admit I've never felt so much schadenfruede in my life, to see her unfulfilled in this "perfect" relationship, as she called it at the time, after the way she facilitated and encouraged his leaving me. I feel sorry for her, of course, since she's a friend, and because she loves him, and wants him to fill that role of boyfriend to her girlfriend, it will just never happen. She knew this going in, and I told her this as well way back. Indeed Cassandra, good luck! It gets so much easier, and is more liberating as you progress.
First of all, I know this may seem random but since you've started posting in EC, I can't help but notice that you're a very strong writer. You capture your thoughts and emotions very well. Again, random, but I wanted to mention it. You're in a tough position, no doubt. I feel for you. You're not responsible for your friend though, either of them. You say she knew it was a bad situation going in, and yet she chose to go in anyway. It's on her and him at this point. You care and that's commendable, but you're not responsible for them. You can be there for her when things go bad, but everyone has to own there choices.
Random? Yes. Appreciated? Very much so! I'd also like to say, that since your first reply to my S&A thread I've thought the same of you. I attribute it to my choice of reading since a child, plus a very healthy dose of English humour and wit growing up--for which I thank my father. Indeed. No, I don't in any way feel responsible for them, that's one hang-up I've avoided, but as you say I do care of course--albeit more than he'd like, and less than she would. And yeah, it goes without saying I'll be there for them when it implodes. Unfortunately, I also know that when it does go tits up the group will disintegrate. She will be completely unable to be around him, at least in the beginning if not forever. It goes without saying that I also find this hypocrisy hilarious in a very dark way. Good lord, maybe I have problems!
It went really smooth!!! He accepted me, and told me he support me. Here I put the details: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-stories/73426-coming-out-another-friend.html#post1201355 I was really nervous, but, at the end, I managed to say it to him, and he accepted me. I'm soo happy!! Now I have 3 friends that support me!!!
