1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

coming out to my parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Andrew1403, Feb 7, 2008.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 1 of 2
  1. Andrew1403

    Andrew1403 Guest

    Hello everyone,
    <===== My name is Andrew (my picture), I recently stumbled upon these forums and it is the best thing i could have ever imagined. I will be 23 in early march and have known i was gay since the age of 19, but subconsciously have known i was always "different" than all my friends and family as early as 16 years old. Anyway being in the "closet" the last 4 years have been the worst years of my life, and it feels like this never ending feeling has been "eating" away at my insides for the longest time and i feel terrible about myself everyday since the age of 19, i have felt that i have been wasting away my youth for all these years trying to pretend to be someone else, someone everyone wanted and expected me to be. But i cannot stand living a lie anymore, i just become to exhuasted from the "straight act" everyday that i was begining to Isolate myself from family and friends by pushing them away because of myself being gay and subconsciously trying to weaken the blow i would feel if they rejected me after i told them who i really am. This forum has given me the strength and courage that i did not have four years ago, i am going to give my parents a letter that i wrote since i am shit for words and freeze up in fear eachtime i want to tell them face to face. This will be weird and i am still very terrified since i still live at home and am still in college journying on the way to my own career...this will sound sterotypical for the gay man, but i am aspiring to get into nursing school and become a Rn with my ultimate goal of becoming a CRNA one day in the near future.

    I have read so many wonderful stories about boys and girls of all ages being happily gay and "out" to the world. I can nolonger live a lie, it is just taking too much energy out of me pretending to be "straight". A normal day for me is somthing like this, I wake up everyday and if someone is home i say "Good morning" and i leave to class pretending everything is alright, when infact everything is wrong. After 4-5 hours of arduous classes such as A&P2 w/lab, Microbiology w/lab and a few others as i am trying to juggle 16credits. I finally get home when my classes have ended. I walk in the door feeling like a worn out withered old man with a kane, or completly streched to the max like not enough butter on toast. My personality has suffered as a result of this and i have become withdrawn, dull, and silent from friends and family and have no energy left to be "me" at the end of the day because more than half of my energy was used putting on the "straight act" and i just feel completly EXHAUSTED. I can't put on this ACT anymore. I am ready to tell my parents first either today or tomorrow for sure, and my two brothers soon after. Someone once said, "Live life, or die trying" (kinda sounds like 50cent with "get rich or dye trying") anyway, im ready to face the heat, cause its better to be HAPPY and LIVE LIFE FOR WHO YOU ARE than to ACT another way in fear of the consequences and rejection..i am ready and still terrified of what my parents faces will look like when they read this letter that i have poured my heart and soul into writing..overall, once its said and done, i think they most likley will be completely floored at first, but will hopefully accept me for who i really am because they are best caring parents i could have ever asked for in a 1000 lifetimes, and will continue to love them no matter what happens as a result of them knowing the REAL ME..:eusa_doh:

    I love these forums and hope to hear from everyone. This is the scariest moment of my life, i am a 100 more times terrified of this outcome, compared to when i had to give a senior speech infront of 600 people (entire school) inorder to graduate back in 2003...sry for such a long post...i just had to get it out their..hope to hear from you boys and girls soon:eusa_doh:
     
    #1 Andrew1403, Feb 7, 2008
  2. Psychedelic Bookmarks

    Psychedelic Bookmarks
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,481
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    wow. many welcomes andrew, and well done for being so brave!! i really hope your coming out goes as well as you hope, and you can start letting the world see the real wonderful you :slight_smile: (*hug*) welcome to EC, and congrats for letting yourself shine! good luck!
     
    #2 Psychedelic Bookmarks, Feb 7, 2008
  3. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,656
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Middle of Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Andrew,

    First welcome to EC! This is truly a very special place. I'm happy you found us.

    At the top of Support and Advice, there is a link called PFLAG Publications. I highly recommend that you check these out, download them, and print them for your parents especially the one called called Your Daughters and Sons. I can also mail them to you if you PM me with your address. These would be great to give to your parents in addition to the letter and will help answer some of the questions they might have about sexual orientation. Also, if your parents are religious at all, Faith in Our Families is good for that. Good luck with your coming out. We're here to support you and encourage you.
     
    #3 beckyg, Feb 7, 2008
  4. sdc91

    sdc91
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2007
    Messages:
    1,402
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Castro, San Francisco, California
    Hey Andrew! First off, welcome to EC.

    It feels a lot better once you're out. After I came out on Sunday to my parents I felt better. Mind you, I still have a bit of weight on my shoulders because I live at school with people I'm not out to.

    I went through the same thing as you. I'm taking 21 hours this semester and I started to withdraw myself from everyone here. I would go to class, do homework, and force myself to go to a club meeting or two, then fall asleep or talk with people from here on MSN.

    I wrote a letter, too. I couldn't exactly muster up the courage to talk face-to-face, but I'm going to follow up on things when I visit home in a couple of weeks. It made it a lot easier. Just make sure it's clear and say you can answer any questions, because they'll have a lot.

    Good luck, and tell us how it goes! Congratulations!
     
    #4 sdc91, Feb 7, 2008
  5. Grof142007

    Grof142007
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2007
    Messages:
    1,051
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    High Point,North Carolina
    Welcome to EC and Good Luck It worth it coming out Life will be less hectic
     
    #5 Grof142007, Feb 7, 2008
  6. Sam

    Sam
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    Welcome to EC! I know the feeling of being exhausted and tired of lying. Good luck with telling your parents and make sure you tell us how it went. I too wrote a letter well 2 actually but anyway you'll feel so much better after you come out to them.
     
    #6 Sam, Feb 7, 2008
  7. GlindaRose

    GlindaRose
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2008
    Messages:
    1,230
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC and good luck! :grin:
     
    #7 GlindaRose, Feb 7, 2008
  8. Paul_UK

    Paul_UK Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    6,885
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Welcome to EC, Andrew. Good luck with the coming-out. Please let us know how it goes.
     
    #8 Paul_UK, Feb 7, 2008
  9. Astaroth

    Astaroth
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2007
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Federal Way, WA
    Welcome, Andrew! That's so exciting! I really hope things go well for you. Looking forward to hearing the outcome, and do follow Becky's advice. PFLAG's brochures and pamphlets will answer a lot of the common questions you'll likely get in the first few weeks, and it sort of proves that you're serious about it too (not that you aren't, obviously, but sometimes parents think it's a phase). Good luck!! :thumbsup:
     
    #9 Astaroth, Feb 7, 2008
  10. panda

    panda
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto,Canada
    Welcome!!:welcome:You are a brave guy!You'll meet lots of great people here.

    Glad you found EC.
     
    #10 panda, Feb 7, 2008
  11. biisme

    biisme
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    welcome to EC!
     
    #11 biisme, Feb 7, 2008
  12. Nodnarb

    Nodnarb
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,430
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ames, Iowa
    Welcome to EC Andrew!

    I hope it all goes well!
     
    #12 Nodnarb, Feb 7, 2008
  13. otc877

    otc877 Guest

    Welcome to EC!
    Let us know how it goes
     
    #13 otc877, Feb 7, 2008
  14. kramer362

    kramer362
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2007
    Messages:
    385
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    western new york
    i know how you feel about feeling exhausted sometimes by it i can definitely relate. i hope your parents take it well! :eek:
     
    #14 kramer362, Feb 7, 2008
  15. Suede7

    Suede7
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2008
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Delray Beach, FL.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Andrew,

    Welcome to "EC" my friend. You're a lucky man, I only wish I had stumbled across this site when I came out. I am new to the site as well and am blown away at the "positive" exchanges I witness almost daily from other members. A great place to receive support and support others.

    To your anxiety I say this,............so hard to beleive right now but most of my worst fears when "coming out" never came to fruition. So maintain your "optomism" my friend, hard as that might seem right now. I am here to tell you "hold on" cuz you're gonna love the ride. More excitement and exhilaration than one man can handle.

    I can't wait to hear from you once you're on the rebound. Nothing but abundant "blessings" to you Andrew!! I am sure you are going to do well!

    Hang in there! :icon_wink
    Stay Strong & Press On!!

    Suede7
    Delray Beach, FL.
     
    #15 Suede7, Feb 8, 2008
  16. Jim1454

    Jim1454
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Hi! Welcome to EC from Jim in Toronto!

    You are indeed lucky! I also had signs that I was gay in my late teens, but I forced them out of my mind and denied myself the freedom to be the 'real me' for another 15 years. It really is exhausting - I can totally relate to where you're coming from.

    This really is a great forum. You'll find more support around this topic here than anywhere else on the internet - I'm sure! Enjoy - and don't hesitate to ask a question or for advice.

    I sincerely hope that you're parents react in a positive and supportive way. I'll also be interested to hear how it goes!

    (btw... amazing smile! What a cutie!)
     
    #16 Jim1454, Feb 8, 2008
  17. Perrygay

    Perrygay Guest

    Welcome to EC Andrew. My name is Andrew too!

    Hope you enjoy EC:thumbsup:
     
    #17 Perrygay, Feb 8, 2008
  18. Wander

    Wander Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2008
    Messages:
    1,909
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Central Alabama
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I don't think I could tell them in person either; I plan to come out through letters when I finally tell my own parents. However you end up telling them, I hope it turns out well.

    And look! An entire post without a single "welcome to EC" in sight!
     
    #18 Wander, Feb 8, 2008
  19. Andrew1403

    Andrew1403 Guest

    im very stressed out and having second thoughts...i havent given them the letter as of yet..i think i might just nutt up and say...mom dad...we need to talk...and tell them everything iv been feeling for the last 4 years...the main concern that is on my mind is...my dads a Anesthesiologist...and wants me to become a Rn(nurse) and i wanna become a nurse too...with the hopes of becoming a CRNA one day which is similar to an Anesthesiologist....but what if once i tell him that im gay..what if he dosent want me to become a nurse anymore? cause of the gay nurse sterotype...even thou their are alot of gay nurses workin in hosptials...and hes paying for all my college and will be payin for my nursing school too...ahh so much on my mind what should i do?:icon_sad:
     
    #19 Andrew1403, Feb 8, 2008
  20. crimsonarcher

    crimsonarcher
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2007
    Messages:
    405
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    AZ
    you follow what you think is right.
     
    #20 crimsonarcher, Feb 8, 2008
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 1 of 2