So, I spoke to my mom on the phone for a bit today. We weren't talking about anything super serious at all. At one point the conversation turned to my ex and some drama I've had recently. The call ended fine and I was getting ready to go hang out witha friend. While I was in the bathroom, she called back and left a voicemail. I checked the message and it was actually a but dial and she had left the phone on, immediately after speaking with me. The voicemail was comprised of my mother arguing with my step-dad. Not super yelling or anything but it was obviously an argument. It was about me, which was noticebale immediately. My mom was telling him that he needs to understand that she will always be my mother. That he doesn't ahve any kids and he can't understand what it's like. And she was saying "we have to work on dealing with this." My step-dad told her "WE don't have to deal with anything, what he is doing is not normal, it is not RIGHT, and we don't have to pretend liek we believe that it is." It was another couple minutes of them going back and forth and him obviously tackling with how he is going to speak with em since he has put it off for some time. Suffice it to say I was pretty upset. I called my sister crying, especially since for a lot he was saying my mom was agreeing. At her suggestion I just called my mom right back, and told her that I heard the voicemail. She knew that it had happened and tried to start telling me that I need to not take it a bad way, that it was a private conversation and that greg wasn't trying to be mean or anything. My step-dad ended up getting on the phone. He immediately apologized because he felt like we should have been able to speak face-to-face a while ago and that I shouldn't have had to hear some of his opinion regarding things out of context the way I did, especially since it was in the context of an argument with my mother. He then went on to speak pretty candidly about how he feels about my transition. "Is it right? no. Do I believe it is real? no." He said that he may feel like that but that he has no plans on "kicking me to the curb" and he still loves and respects me. Basically he just kept saying that the only way he can be okay with my "choice" to be transsexual, is that he respects me as an adult and that it is my decision and choice and nothing that he can change. He kept telling me that I will always be his "step-son" ugh and that he doesn't want my feelings to be hurt because of how he views things. He apologized once saying "I'm sorry I feel this way" and I told him "I don't apologize for who I am or my beliefs, and you shouldn't apologize for what you believe in either, all I expect is respect and tolerance." I'm not really sure how I feel about it all. I was pretty upset when I heard him say those things and I'm still pretty shook up. It is definitely how most people feel about my transition, those who knew me before and those who find out. He will never ever call me my new name or use proper pronouns, and I am absolutely positive of it. However, I never talk to him or see him unless it's a holiday or if he is helping me with my car or something. He actually called me again while I was typing this. It's been about 4 hours since we spoke earlier. He called to make sure that I was okay and that I'm not upset by what he said. I said I'm fine and basically left it at that. We scheduled a time for us to meet to get coffee later this week so he can see me and talk to me in person. When we spoke earlier he kept saying "I am a black and white person *old name* and you know that about me, and I just do not agree with your choice, but I do love you and would still want to a part of our life". It's definitely better than it could have been, but worse than it could have been as well. Oh well. People just don't understand. Maybe coffee will go well. Have to wait and see. Today is day 19 without alcohol. Decided to pass on a halloween party tonight and just hang out and listen to music and do my nails and work on some homework. Don't want to be tempted to drink.
You're continuing to make great choices for yourself and should be justifiably be proud of that. As for your stepdad... I can honestly relate to what he's saying. He comes from a generation where transgender people were completely unknown, and so it's something that is completely foreign to him. And people fear -- and judge -- that which is foreign.[ But it sounds like he is trying to understand. Since he seems somewhat open, I'd encourage you to see if you and he and your mom can go to a PFLAG meeting together. He'll meet other people like himself, who were just as judgmental, and it might really help him change his views. But with or without that, I think he's trying.
