So, I have been busy since my last coming out post: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-stories/73699-about-come-out-my-brother-strategies.html Part I (this will be long, sorry). After coming out successfully to my little brother, I went on a literal "Coming Out Journey", driving over 800 miles to visit my three best friends from college. Since the past two years of my life were spent in Africa, I returned to find my college buddies scattered all over the state (in Grand Junction and Denver). We were very close in college and, even though we weren't in touch much in the past two years, we remain close. I felt I owed to them to come out face to face. I felt if they didn't accept me, then nobody would. So, with that on my mind, I drove north for the four hours it took to get to Grand Junction and almost cracked a rib from the bass on my stereo. I arrived at my best friend's house that he shares with his girlfriend and waited for him to get home from work. I couldn't get anytime alone with him that night (halloween) and we all went to a concert together in costume and got rather wasted. The next morning, he left for work early and I determined that I would tell him when he got home. He knew something was up, so he set some time aside away from his girlfriend and we went for a walk. After about 10 minutes of small talk, I just cut the conversation off in midsentence and said "Well, this isn't going to suddenly get easier, alright... It turns out I am Bi! Surprise!!" He thought about this for a few seconds and said "Really?! That's cool with me." I was rather relieved and I told him my story as we walked downtown. More than anything, he was flattered that I told him and informed me, to my surprise that he didn't think he was a Kinsey 1 either. I just smiled and said, "Truth be told, I doubt that many people are". Other notable moments included him saying that he wouldn't "do anything with me". He said this jokingly so I just deadpanned: "Well, I had an all-consuming crush on you for years [I didn't] but then you grew that goddamned mustache and now you are completely repulsive...":lol: He asked if he could tell his girlfriend, I agreed, and he said he wanted to do it super casually so he walked into the kitchen and said "So, K, we went on a nice walk and hit up the grocery store to pick up some cheese and veggies for dinner. Oh, and [TheSeeker] is Bi." His girlfriend froze and then just grinned at me, and with no preamble said "Who are your favorite male celebrities? Let's compare tastes!" Now that surprised me, even though people had been fine thus far with my coming out, nobody had ever actually asked me an honest question about my taste in men before. I was so stoked to not only be accepted, but that it was just part of the conversation! Part II After an emotional farewell to my best friend and K, I drove east on I-70 to Denver. Now, I had carefully planned both of these visits to be only 2 days each just in case it went badly, so it was a short-time, high mileage escapade. I showed up in Denver mid-afternoon, and "S" greeted me at the door of her and "J"'s new house. J was still at school for the day, so S and I took the dog for a walk along the lake. So, before I get ahead of myself, I knew J and S separately before they started dating in college. They had gotten married in my absence and, I was told that I was originally intended to be the best man, though the honor fell instead to the friend I had just finished visiting in Grand Junction, so all was well. So... back to the story. S made dinner and J made drinks, and once we sat down at the table S said "So what's up?" So, I just spilled it to them. They both said they didn't see how this changed anything and they would always love me. J was surprised but non-plussed, but S said: "Well, I figured". She just based it on my track record of abortive attempts at dating in college. I told my story (I am getting quite good at it) and they just listened, asking questions now and then. They were more than supportive and said the best possible think when I was done: "Well shit, man, let's get drunk!!!" That's essentially how the rest of the weekend went. J and I hopped from brewery to brewery downtown and just partied hard. Heading home, I felt so blessed to have friends like them, and my friends in Grand Junction. Not only did my bring Bisexual not change anything between us, it actually made it even better because it deepened our level of trust. They weren't just accepting of the fact that I wanted to date other guys, they were excited for me! Couldn't have gone any better. Part III Ok, this requires less detail I think. In the past few days, since I returned from Boulder I have told three more friends and all have taken it well. All were surprised, but all were accepting. I know that it went well because one of my guy friends has already started teasing me about it (within reason, he is pretty respectful) so I know he is comfortable. He keeps talking about setting me up with a mutual friend that came out after Boy Scouts, just so he and I could make out in front of our uber-conservative scoutmaster. I do find this amusing, but I am not attracted to our mutual friend so... no. My friend also called me a "fairy" one time, just once because I informed him politely afterward "Well, maybe you're half-right, but if you call me that again I will break your f*cking neck!" So yeah, the rapport is still great. My other friend hasn't said much, but he was completely fine with it. I have informed a few of my Peace Corps buddies over the phone, but nothing to report there... Completely positive. I haven't got any shock, fear, or anger from anyone. I consider myself very, very lucky. Now, aside from a few more phone calls to friends out of state, I have only one hurdle remaining: MY PARENTS. Yeah, I am terrified of telling them, but they can tell something is bothering me and I promised them I would talk to them both together when Dad gets back from Europe. They think I have PTSD or something from my time overseas (and that is certainly a contributing factor), but they have no idea what is really up. So... thus begin my final days in the closet. Stay tuned, thanks for reading, and thank you so much for your support and advice!! You guys are the best, -The Seeker
It wasn't too long of a read! That's awesome that you traveled so far to visit all of your friends! I'm glad they were so supportive.
Amazing coming out stories (I read every single word, not too long at all), congratulations! I think I'm at the same stage as you right now...I've told all of the friends that matter, just the parents to go. I also want to add that I agree with Thyker, it really is awesome that you traveled all that way, on a mission to be who you are.
Thank you for sharing your coming out story. It's great that your coming out journey has gone so well for you, and that you have received acceptance and support from the people that are important to you. Congratulations! Sometimes, parents can sense what it coming towards them or what you are going to say. You have come out to your brother, and if you feel comfortable, maybe think about enlisting his support as well. Have your parents ever said anything that would indicate to you that they would not be supportive or accepting, initially?
Wow man you're really on a roll! Sounds to me like you're a person that once you decide to do something and have your mind set, you don't back down. You're so close to the finish line of your coming out process! Good luck with your parents. Regardless of how they take it, remember what you told me. This is for you more than it is for them. There'll be no more secrets you're hiding from anyone on this issue. Take care.
Hey guys, thanks for all the input! Mirko: My parents are an interesting pair. They are both very liberal, but both also Christian. My Dad I am almost positive will be fine with my coming out to him. But Mom is more of a wild card. She is supportive of gay marriage, and believes people are just born gay. But she is still the one who sent me to that #$%@ therapist in Colorado Springs when I tried coming out at 15. She also said the other day (when we were talking about Gay Rights and the election) that "Sure some people are born gay, but the people who want to experiment with both are just wrong. I think they are just straight people so bored and depraved that they just want to try something new." Yeah, since I am very much BI this naturally pissed me off a great deal. So, I am really not sure how they will take it, but I am not going to worry about it for another couple of years. billy11: Yeah, once I decide to do something, I do it, and everybody else be damned. I am really close, and that drives me crazy. I am sorry I haven't yet replied to your post on my other thread yet, but I will get on that ASAP.
I am really glad you've had such good experiences so far. I'd normally be pretty nice here, but I sort of feel like you should just shove this down your mom's throat. From what I remember about the whole counselor thing, that really contributed to robbing you of enjoying your sexuality during adolescence. And I think that your mom, if she really is as liberal as you say she is, will eventually get it. Bisexuality is extremely misunderstood even by liberal people. I remember coming out to my mom, and she was accepting, but she still mislabeled me a year after I came out. The other fun part, is it was at a dinner I was invited to. I politely corrected her, and she gave a perfunctory acknowledgment that left me with the impression that she thinks the difference between bisexuality and homosexuality is completely insignificant. My point here is this: your mom doesn't understand and thinks you have a choice in the matter. Somehow, gay people are more real to here. We're just New Agey people "experimenting" with "new identities." As if our orientation is some sort of chic think. All the cool people are bi. :rolle:
Glad to read that you feel your dad would be supportive. It's too bad that your mom has that particular view. But hopefully once you come out to her she will come around to it, and gain an understanding of bisexuality. Coming out to her, and while your mom might need some time to understand it, gives you a chance to 'educate' her on bisexuality. Talking with her and tying to answer any questions/concerns or talking directly to her statements on bisexuality might give her some pause. Hope it will go well, whenever you decide to come out to you dad and mom.
Pret Allez: I absolutely agree with you here. That counselor f*cked me up, and what he didn't do... Jesus did. Damn it, but it's water under the bridge, I just have to let it flow down the creek. My coming out strategy for Mom and Dad is definitely different than it has been for my friends. With my friends, I have just told them point blank and hope that they accept me... But with the parents, I am going to sit them both down and just lay it out for them. I have heard of "coming out" being phrased as an apology, I have heard of it being written in letters, tearfully confessed, etc. But I feel no such compunction to go easy on my parents. I am going to tell them precisely who I am, what I mean to do, and how excited I am to finally be free to love whoever I wish and finally be me. Not this pious imitator who has been filling my shoes for 10 years. They can accept me for who I am, their son, or they can both go to hell. I care, but not enough to let it affect my decision or future lifestyle; I will not give up opportunities to make myself happy to simply be the perfect son... I have been planning my coming out to them so carefully precisely because I want to make sure I have no dependence on them whatsoever, and nothing that they can hold over my head as a threat. I am already financially independent (they only pay my cell phone) and just live with them for the interim period between my return from Africa (5 months ago) and whenever I get a job (which should be very soon, based on where I am in the application process). My support group consisting of my friends and brother are fully behind me already. I am making sure that, if they reject me, they are the odd ones out. So yeah, shoving it down their throat is most certainly the plan. Mirko: If she doesn't get mad immediately, I should be fine to talk her through it. We have both matured a lot since I was 15 so it should go alright. If it doesn't, well, see above ^. Thanks again for all your help guys! -The Seeker
Not at all! Riveting more like. Congratulations on your coming out escapades so far, it all seems to be going very well!
From what you have mentioned here I think your plan is sound and it doesn't place you in a box as it where, and does give you your independence. Sorry to hear about some of your past that you had to go though. Yes, hopefully your mom will have 'matured' sufficiently enough, so that you two can have a conversation about it - if she wishes to have one or wants to learn more.
