I know this is pretty obvious. I was a straight guy for years and married. I went to a party with wife on Halloween and I were with a lot of gay friends. The party got a bit wild and I was convinced to dress in women's clothing (for the hell of it). My wife thought it was hilarious. Later, I found myself in a room with five guys who one by one forced themselves on me, holding me down while the others had sex with me. I never recovered. I mean I realized as painful as it had been to happen that way, I could never get it out of my mind. Now when I watch porn I'm always focused on the men. I started having a few relationships with women after that but just friends because I think of my experience. But I enjoy it now and love my friends. How could someone become gay from this kind of experience? I always have the most intense sexual experiences when I think about it even though at the time it was my worst nightmare. I had never imagined sex with a man and I was 27 at the time. I didn't turn myself gay by choice, but I wasn't born that way. I had a traumatic experience that turned into a blessing.
I can understand you man. I had always thought myself as straight until my friend tried to force himself it to my pants. Nothing really happened much because I gought him, but after that I cannot stop thinking about him. Then about guys. But I think we all have a gay side from the start. No one's 100 percent straight. An ignition is just what it needs, and then the results can be random.
Everyone is born with a certain predisposition. Period. Through genetics, biology, nurture and nature, your environment, the things you're taught, the things that were already inside of you, experiences, self-revelations, ......EVERYTHING....through all of that...whether it was already in you or something you went through...it all has an affect on the person you end up becoming. Therefore, it all has an affect on your orientation. That's my opinion anyway. That's a bit of both. A choice and not a choice at all. See...everyone is born with this coding. Whatever the hell it is. But each person can choose how to live their life. Like Hard Candy said...sometimes an ignition is all it needs. All the results really are random. Not every man who goes through those sorts of experiences turns gay. And not every gay guy has been through those. And the list of comparisons is too long to sit here and type, but I'm sure you get my meaning. In the end...it doesn't matter who you were. What matters is who you are. And if you're happy with your life now, that's the important thing.
I'm skeptical of this post. The event reads more like an erotic fantasy than something that happened.
It's generally believed that gay people have the gay gene, and it doesn't become active unless certain things happen, i.e. a traumatic experience or a severe disconnect from the males of the family. If you have attractions to men then you were born that way, it's just hard to see it now.
I've not seen *any* citations that support the idea that a traumatic experience or severe disconnect must happen for someone to "activate" their gay identity. In fact, there's voluminous evidence of gay men coming from entirely normal, happy, well-adjusted families, with no history of sexual or other trauma, and excellent relationships with men in their families. If you have citations supporting a "general belief" that indicates otherwise, I'd be very interested in reading them. As far as the OP goes... I'm somewhat inclined to agree that the original post sounds more like trolling than fact. There is zero support in the psych literature for a heterosexual individual being raped subsequently being "obsessed by the idea of sex with men" to the point of only being able to masturbate to gay porn. There is definitely support for the idea that you may have had, deep down, a predisposition for men all along, but, due to internalized homophobia, familial upbringing, or other factors, were in deep denial about it, and the experience you had was so sexually charged that it awakened the feelings you'd had all along. But there is no support, according to the reputable scientific literature, for the idea that traumatic sexual experiences could "change" you from straight to gay (or vice-versa.)
First, I want to say that I'm very sorry for what they did to you. But I don't think that turned you gay.
Chip & Pret Allez - thank you for your posts. I think there is a lot of confusion in the world about the topic of homosexuality. I appreciated reading your respective inputs to this particular thread.
Firstly Spirit I am so sorry to read of your awful experience. But as someone said earlier this want have 'turned' you gay. That doesn't happen. There are many men who have been attacked by other men and women who have experienced the same from women and are still straight. but equally well there are many men and women who have lived for years as straight then either something happens, like yourself, or they meet someone that just knocks them off their feet. And they come to realise they maybe they weren't who they thought they initially were. From that point they come to, hopefully, know themselves better are are either gay or bisexual. I guess I was lucky because I already knew. Though that's not to say you might not have had a feeling you didn't quite fit, but never had that trigger in life that helped you realise who you truly are. Hope that helps and like anyone here, this is just my take on it Next :lol: Just a small note Chip, :tantrum: it's not just Men who are gay! I know! I am a woman and I am gay gay gay! :eusa_danc It's no wonder that the straight world don't take gay women seriously when those in the community keep only referring to men as if it is 'only' men! And that it's only the men who suffer in this very straight world :dry: Ok Chip rant over :icon_bigg
Now in my case I was raped for years by my grandfather, and if I didn't know any better, I could say that was what cause me to be gay. BUT..I cannot, It was during my epiphany in September of this year, that I remember knowing I was attracted to boys when I was 8 yrs old. It was BECAUSE of what happened to me by my grandfather that caused me to bury myself for 30+ yrs. :bang: So I don't think something can cause you to be gay, it could in the course of time afterwords, make you realize that you always were interested in the same sex.(*hug*) But RAPE is still RAPE, and people like that should be caught and strung up by their neither regions. :tantrum::***: Just saying.
Just to be clear, I generally use the word "lesbian" when I'm referring to females, and "gay" when referring to men, though sometimes I do use "gay" to refer to both, so it can get confusing. In this case, with regard to the scientific literature on sexual abuse and trauma, the effects of abuse appear to be somewhat different on men vs. women. Since this OP was male, I was speaking to the psych literature with regard to male abuse survivors as that's something I'm pretty familiar with. I'm a little less familiar with the current psych literature on abuse of women, so I'm a little less comfortable speaking in broad terms about it. Sorry for the confusion.
I could see an event like this, despite how horrible it is, making someone think about sex with men...I would assume he was bi to some degree from birth and since he was with a woman and happy never really thought about being with a guy untill that event, which caused him to question himself.... My story isn't nearly as bad, but because of physical and verbal abuse from my mom I dated guys excluseviley for a while because women made me uncomfortable, but now I still like guys every bit as much but as I work through my situation with my mom I find myself capable of liking girls too....so I think a trumatic experince can affect which feelings you act on or think about alot if you are already bi to some degree, but can't affect the underlying orientation.
@MichaelD your experience sounds similar to mine....burying the sexual abuse caused me to bury my sexual identity for years....and of course the default is to pretend you are "heterosexual". The orientation and the abuse are in the package called my sexuality, and the package was buried. But the abuse did not CAUSE the orientation. And to the OP, its awful that this happened to you, but I doubt it "turned you gay".
As for me, I have always known that there was somthing different about me. My first crush was my 3rd grade gym teacher, he was probably around 25 and had muscles galore! If there is a gay gene, I must have had a triple dose.
maybe you didn't know until later o_o. Didn't people say that your sexual orientation can change? Well, it's okay you like men , nothing to be ashamed about. I suggest it's something you should talk to a friend about if you haven't and investigate it. Just...try not to go over the edge and start sleeping around unless everybody you know is okay with it or something like that- you probably get it, your smart.
I was pretty much the same way, I was straight until after my ex-girlfriend had a threesome with me and another guy, and I was unexpectedly turned on by the other guy. At the time time I definitely thought about fluid sexuality and that I had changed to bisexual, but people don't like the concept of fluid sexuality so I began to rationalize it that maybe I was in denial in the past and now I discovered my sexuality, I used to justify that I was satisfied just thinking about women before, but after reading this now I'm kind of confused. Anyway I can certainly see the idea of an ignition.
