Tips

I'm planning on coming out to a woman at my church. I feel so isolated and need to talk to someone who I think my understand me. This woman hasn't always been religious. She lived a rough life on the streets since she a teen. Everyone else in my congregation is very sheltered and a bit ignorant. But, I think she won't tell everyone else. How can I come out? Tips and advice?:help::tears::icon_redf

 

That's a good idea. I like this woman, as an AUNT. (She's like 50, I'm 20). Because of her former lifestyle, I doubt that she would not freak out. She's seen worst things like child prostitution and etc. Thanx! (*hug*)

---------- Post added 10th Nov 2012 at 04:26 PM ----------

might*

 

I think that I'm gonna write her a letter.
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November 10, 2012


Dear ___________________,

I cannot tell you this verbally.

I am unfortunately attracted to other females. I do not want to be attracted to my same sex. I do not care if someone else is a homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, transsexual, or even asexual. I do not care. However, I cannot be this way. And no, I was never molested. I like men. Males are often extremely nice to me, even nicer than other females. I have felt like this for years, even as a small girl. I feel like a dirty old man saying this, but I enjoyed nude women. I even love undressing my Barbies. When I got older, I realized that my same sex infatuations were wrong in the eyes of Jehovah. I wanted to distance myself from “dykes”. As a result, I became super homophobic.

Words and phrases like “fag”, “dyke”, “queer”, “butch”, and “that's gay” became a staple of my derogatory lingo. I tried drilling in my head that sex is only to make kids, and that helped. I have even prayed to Jehovah to take these feelings out of my heart. But, in my teens, my hormones made my feelings stronger, as I met more younger women in my world.

In my late teens, my hormones really shot up. I started watching pornography and masturbating almost daily. Oddly, I'm glad that I started watching this degrading media later in my young life instead of as a child. I hear that when young kids start watching porn, it messes them up. I started watching men, then two men, then switched to women, then two women. I have prayed to Jehovah to help me stop. I've put pornography blockers on all of my web browsers. And it works, most of the time. I have relapses, but the good thing is that they are getting to be less frequent. I have been trying to build up my mind with more productive activities, like trying to make friends and hanging out with them. That is something that I did not do as child due to always feeling like the odd duck.

I try very hard not to act on my feelings. I am still a virgin. I just got baptized, but I still feel like a hypocrite. Occasionally, I relapse. However, I know that I'm not alone. I have spoken on online forums with other women of my faith struggle like me. I know that this may come as a shock. People always say to me stuff like, “You are a stunning, sophisticated, and stylish woman! Someday, you'll have a husband. This guy has a crush on you.” It makes me cringe. I'm a phony. As a baptized member, I need to live up to my dedication. I've made a commitment, even if it's hard.

However, I am the most disgusted my sexual orientation than anyone else. Please do not be hard on me. I often contemplate suicide. If someone were to “out” me, I would humiliate my family, and either runaway or escape, for good. I feel like vomiting and crying as I said all of this. I'm trying so hard not to cry. But just hold back.


Sincerely,
Me.

p.s. Please pray for me to cope. I know that in this world, I will always be this way and I have accepted this fact.

 

I'll keep that! Mind if I steal it?

 

Thanx!