I've known I was different since I was very young, just didn't have a name. I may have realised much sooner too if there had been female gay role models on TV like there is today. But back in the 70s even the guys had it hard with only having Mr Humphries, Larry Grayson and the like as obvious gay role models, but at least they had them! :lol: To make matters more difficult for me, my parents had male friends who were gay but no ladies. So as far as I was concerned, only men were gay! So had no clue who or what I was. I even went through a stage thinking that maybe, just maybe I was in the wrong body and should have been born a boy. What I was sure was wrong with that thinking was I was comfortable in my own skin. I came out late to my family. Not because I thought they would be angry or upset, though part of me did fear that I COULD be wrong and I'd get an unexpected reaction. But it was more because I just needed to be comfortable with who'm I realised I was. It seemed to take me time to except it, even though I've never disliked anyone who was gay and always felt it was just who they are and how they were made. Never felt it was something to hate. When I did come out nobody was shocked and that although they knew felt it was for me to decide when I would tell them rather than force my hand. This is something I love my family for. I know how lucky I am and never ever do I forget that because there are many who have come out and maybe don't speak to their family anymore. Or those who can't come out because they fear what they're family may think. I can only imagine how that feels and totally sympathies. As I said I did worry when I did come out I did worry that I could be wrong about their initial reaction. But I chose to take the chance because I couldn't live with a lie anymore and pretend to be someone I am not Although things are by no means perfect, as we are still often treated like second class citizens in the UK & US and much worse elsewhere in the world. What is better is that homosexuality is by no means hidden. If there had been gay women of TV when I was a child I would, I am sure, come out so much more sooner. Today we have so many places to find out information. People we can ask and peoples understanding of who we are is getting better by the day. As it has been so often said of late...It does get better
it's funny you mention female gay role models on tv, because i was a bit misled by ellen degeneres! when i was a little girl we watched ellen's sitcom, and it started with her dating men. then all of a sudden she had a girlfriend. and, to me, as a little girl who liked girls and thought i was just a weirdo, i interpreted ellen's girlfriend to mean that ellen had given up on men. i interpreted that a lesbian is a woman who gives up on dating men. and i think ellen degeneres is a great person, i just wish i had figured out that i had something in common with her when i was younger.
Hi Amelia Wow I can see how confusing that would be :lol: we only ever had the odd episodes of Ellen's show. But I do remember her dating men. Obviously we never got the ones when she started to date women, think I'd have remembered those
I feel highly identified with your coming out. For me, well, I've always thought everyone is different and being quite outgoing I've haven't really felt like an outsider or "different" should I say. Nonetheless, my friends' obssesion with boys was just "too much" in my opinion. I thought I was asexual (I still think I am Gray-A). I have had crushes on guys. Actually it's not uncommon for me. And I think that's precisely what kept me from coming in. I mean, if I like boys, then how can I be a lesbian, right??? The thing is, now thinking about it, I think I may have liked some of my females friends back then... but, given that at the moment I thought that those feelings were "I want to be her friend"/"I admire her"/"she's so cool, I wanna be like her" and those crushes never developed to the point of being obvious they were crushes, then I didn't think of myself as gay. My first obvious lesbian crush was at 23... and it took me a while to realize it was a crush. I remember "enjoying" her company, "noticing" her and the sort. But I just thought I wanted to be her friend. It wasn't until one day that I was talking in the lounge with some friends that I saw her coming our way and so I started combing my hair with my fingers and adjusting my clothing. I was grooming. From that point on I started to actually wonder. It took me around six months after that to get a little epyphany and come out to myself. I did not struggle with guilt, shame or self hatred. I have never been homophobic... For me it's always been a "Well, I don't see the problem in it. Let them do as they please, as long as they don't hurt anyone" kind of thing. I've always thought LGBT rights are human rights... So, I wasn't sad, devasted or anxious when I came out. It was just who I was. GAY. It was indeed an epiphany... but a good one. Being gay was more a thing that my brain couldn't quite comprehend. Sort of a state of denial/suppression in an semiconscious way. Like "just because I like A girl doesn't mean I'm a lesbian. It's totally normal for straight people to find same sex attractive. That doesn't make them gay". I knew I "noticed" girls more often than guys... but I used to rationalize these things. Then again, I rationalize everything, so... I agree with you. If I had known lesbians or there were TV lesbians role models, chances are I would come in sooner. Lesbians have not much visibility over here. It sort like... I couldn't be lesbian, because lesbians don't exist. Does that make sense?? Of course I knew lesbians exist. But, at the same time they didn't exist in my reality. Only on TV... and they were there mainly to please straight male audience. I mean... we obviously exist (I'm the biggest sapphic lover out there). It's just the lack of information on the regard made it impossible for me to identify with lesbians... to connect the dots and so on. Also I never really liked two girls kissing on TV. It seemed to me that many times girl on girl action is on TV, well... it is aimed at men. And I just don't like the idea of women being objectified. I think if lesbian storylines on TV would have done more tactfully, like Emily's in PLL, Callie's on Grey's Anatomy (two storyline with which I feel highly identified), I would have understood my own gayness sooner/better. I now looooooooooooooooove the L Word. And I believe it was pioneer in LGBT shows. Nonetheless I used to think of it as a straight male's sexual fantasies exploding out of his head (I thought it just too objectifing at times and I didn't watch it until now). Funny. Considering that it was made by lesbians, for lesbians, to lesbians. Also, getting to know many openly gay people who are not "weirdos" was definitely possitive.
Oh totally know where you're coming from; That's how it was for me as a kid. Like I said we had family male friends who were gay, but not lesbians. And like you said, if you don't see or hear of them, then it's easy, especially as a kid, to assume..no imagine, they don't exist. I've been watching The L Word online. I've also seen our own BBC series Lip Service and Russel T. Davies' Queer As Folk (gay men). And as you say, all written by gay men and women and I love all three. But if I had to pick at any faults with all three it would be these. That all three have a habit of feeding the fires of misconceptions of the gay community. About who we are and how we live. Let me elaborate :icon_bigg The heterosexual community and especially the bigoted members assume a number of things. Firstly that we are promiscuous and will sleep with anyone (obviously of the same sex :icon_bigg ) and may well not know there name. All three shows have had characters who just can't help themselves. And it may well be more than one character. Secondly that we are incapable of having any kind of long term relationship. Again this occurs in all three on numerous occasions. There isn't one couple in any of them who are in a long term relationship that is solid. Tina and Bette are the perfect examples. From the onset of the series they were having massive problems and next thing you know Tina is off with a bloke! In all three shows they give the impression that gay people are sex mad. I've seen it in The L Word where there has been three or four occasions of the characters suddenly jumping on each other (am I doing something wrong? :lol: ) Oh and we all have amazing job, look like models and have mountains of money! (!)
We're still so invisible... *sigh* It's like... only flamboyant white gay men are visible, actually. I guess that's true, except for lesbians. I understand that there's the U-Haul estereotype for us in some countries. In my country, if you're LGBT, you're promiscuos... It doesn't matter if you've been with the same person for a zillion years... in bigoted straight people's minds, you're still promiscuos somehow. Then again, in most TV show people in general are promiscuos... regardless they're sexual orientation. Only very few characters can keep their wee-wees and hoo-has under control. I guess TV needs people getting laid 24/7. At the same time, at least The L Word (given that's the only one I've watched) broke the missconception of lesbian death bed... to a degree at least (at the beginning of season one and season three Bette & Tina were not having sex). True. That happens in most couples on TV, no matter if it's same sex attraction or not; but indeed, there are straight couples that, according to their storylines, they've been in long term relationships... For LGBT, I guess Tibette and Calzona's. I liked Tibette's storyline a lot (my fav)... I liked the fact that just because they're in love doesn't mean they can have a successful "marriage". Agree... But again. That seems to be something that's just on TV. I do agree with the fact that given that LGBT characters and shows are still becoming visible there should be at least ONE character that breaks those molds. I think The L Word is cool... and I like how the characters were portrayed. I've heard many people complained about them being just pretty much lipstick lesbians (except Shane and Moira/Max), which it's true. But at the end of the day you can't represent a whole community with just seven or eight characters. I mean, that's just impossible. And, one way or another... TV doesn't really allow ugly people.
