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The person I would have came out to

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Closet88, Nov 12, 2012.

  1. Closet88

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So as I'm still in the closet I don't actually have a coming out story as such. This story is about the person I would have came out to if she was still here... My nanna.

    From early childhood she was always the person I was closest to. I used to go and stay with her and when I got older I used to get drunk with her. She was the coolest person I've ever met. But the coolest thing about her was her views on society. Where I come from, the majority of old people tend to have traditional conservative views towards homosexuality and this is most definitely the case with my other grandparents. But my nanna was different. She actually had a close friend who was a gay guy, and I remember when I was young she used to go to gay bars with him and said she loved the atmosphere there. Unfortunately her friend passed away a few years before her. I remember my mum and her siblings disapproving of my nannas friend and making jokes about him whilst my nanna wasn't there. I was still too young to fully understand that I was gay, probably about 12/13, but I remember being angry that a woman as nice as my mum could be so mean.

    Anyway, so when I realised I was gay around 16 I continued trying to live in denial until finally realising I couldn't change it when I was about 19. Coming out was always (and still is) a scary prospect though and I always thought that when I did it my nanna would definitely be the first person I told because she would definitely accept me and maybe give me the encouragement to come out to others. Unfortunately this didn't quite work out as she got sick and died 3 years ago. I remember sobbing when I saw her dying in hospital, which shocked everyone including myself as I don't tend to show much emotion. This is the only time I remember crying since I was a child. It was her 3 year anniversary a couple of weeks ago so I took some flowers to her grave and had a conversation with her grave, telling her that I'm gay. I'm not really a great believer in the afterlife but I just felt that this was the right thing to do, and I hope that somewhere she was listening and has accepted me.

    Quite a depressing story I know, but I've had this on my mind for quite a while and will always regret never telling my nanna that I was gay... And getting an accepting hug from her telling me that I have nothing to be ashamed of and to hold my head up high and not let others get me down. I will always miss my best friend, my nanna, and hope to do her proud one day :slight_smile:.
     
  2. mickie newton

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    Not depressing at all. I thought it was very moving and incredibly touching. Thankfully I was able to come out to my family and they were just relieved because they always knew and were just waiting for me to speak up. But my Nanna died before I came out and that, I have always felt, saddened me so much. My Nanna was cremated so there's no grave. But to help with my grieving process I had started writing a diary/letter that was always addressed to her. I'd write as if I was going to post it, even though it's in a book. And one day I spoke about coming out. It seems a little mad, but I did feel as if I'd actually told her, almost face-to-face. And I felt a relief to for doing so. I think it had sat on my mind that, like you, she was someone I could speak to incredibly easily and like the rest if my family would except me for who I am.

    But like me, you will find the strength to take that big step and you'll open that closet door wide and step out into the world. It took a biography to give me that push. 'Anything Goes' by John and Carole Barrowman. He spoke about being gay, and coming out to his family. The things he said opened my eyes and made me realise that this was the right time for me :slight_smile:

    I wish you luck and that you will know when the time is right (*hug*)
     
  3. Lewis

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    Wonderful story and I'm sure it was an amazing privilege to have such an amazing nan. I'm pretty sure mine would accept me too (she has a gay son that she helped when he was going through his acceptance), but I'm just so scared to tell any family members right now. Your story has inspired me though and makes me wonder if I should take the opportunity whilst I can.

    I'm sure she is looking down at you with nothing but pride. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Closet88

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    Out to everyone
    Thanks for your comment and the good luck wish :slight_smile:. Your family sound cool, I wish mine were as accepting.
     
  5. TheSeeker

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    That is very sad, but touching also. It is wonderful that you had someone that you were so close to that you knew she would accept you no matter what. Not many people have that kind of love in their lives and you can consider yourself lucky that you did!

    Another drawback of being a late bloomer is not getting the chance to come out to people before they are gone, it's yet another lost opportunity. But even though she is gone, use her love and acceptance as inspiration for yourself when you do decide to come out, especially to your parents.

    I was watching Doctor Who recently and Captain Harkness was guest starring. How cool is your country to have a bisexual action hero? I know it will likely be difficult for you to come out to your parents, but the point I am trying to make is that you are so lucky to live in the UK where there are so many places you can go and be accepted for who you are and who you love! It's not as easy in the USA (the colonies...), there are "Gay Havens" in various places, and most of the large cities tend to be safe, but I read recently about a government sponsored campaign in the UK to stop homophobia and bullying! Over here, we're just excited because Obama said that he supported Gay Marriage... That's it.

    Even if it doesn't go well coming out to your parents, you will finally be free of the burden that the closet places upon your mind. It is heavier than most people realize; only after I was out to my brother and most of my friends, did I discover how many aspects of myself had been affected.

    Stay strong and go for it as soon as you have somewhere to go... That's what I am waiting for as well. I think my parents will take it well, but my approach is to present it to them as an ultimatum: They can think whatever they want of me and it will have no effect whatsoever on how I choose to live my life. Come out for you and nobody else.

    Yours in Queerness,

    The Seeker