The story is a simple one, I guess... I just came out to my Mom, who I am very close to, and it went very badly. She couldn't handle it, blamed herself, and is in the middle of a panic attack. I feel much worse now than I ever did when I was closeted...not because I am upset that I'm gay, but because I'm upset that I've upset her so much. For the first time in my life, I think I know what depression feels like.
Hi there! Sorry to hear that your coming out to you mom hasn't gone all too well. (*hug*) Try not to blame yourself for the way your mom is feeling at the moment. You did nothing wrong. If you can, try to comfort her, try talking to her, and try mentioning to her that no one is to blame, and that your sexual orientation does not change anything about you. You are still the same son that you were this morning. Sometimes, reassurances can go a long way. If you need to, or feel it would be best at this moment, give your mom some space and time to come around to it. Parents will have dreams for their children and the future, which will need to be adjusted to what is. And it will only happen over time. For some parents that time frame can be really short. For others longer. But eventually they do come around.
I wouldn't look too much into her initial reaction just yet. Give her some time to process the information and then see how she acts/what she says(if anything). After all, it is a bit of a shock for most parents and they aren't exactly prepared to handle the situation ideally. Once they realize not much has changed and you are still the same person, things usually get better over time.
I'm really, really sorry that happened. You must be crushed right now. The sad part is that what you've described is on the mild end of the spectrum of all negative reactions. It only gets worse from there. I know this is going to sound kind of dysfunctional when she needs to be supporting you, not the other way around... But maybe you just might want to reassure her she did nothing wrong. She's looking at this where gay is wrong, and you are her fault. She's just going to have to work through her shock. Just as we go through a phase of anger or shock on the path to accepting ourselves, so too, she goes through a similar phase of shock, anger, and denial. It's a hurtful reaction, but it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't love you or that she's rejected you. In a kind of fucked up way, her love for you--in her conception of things--is what causes this reaction... I don't know... I just think time has to fix this. So sorry her reaction hurt. (*hug*)
I'm sorry about the reaction, but I can relate a bit. I'm going through a similar situation with my mother. She's worried its her fault, that she did something. It's hard but, as Pret said, its because she loves me. For now I'm doing what I can to reassure her and just be there while she works through her feelings. This is regarding my gender by the way. Yeah there's a part of me that wants to think I'm responsible for how she feels, but I'm not. All I can do right now is be there and reassure her there's no blame to be had. That's my advice.
Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. Just like you came to terms with it, so too does everyone else. I've only told one person. All my life I've known and battled with it. Finally I've accepted it. It took me all the years I've known until now and in knowing that, I know that maybe not everyone will be so quick to accept. One would have to keep that in mind when telling people. Think about how you had to accept it and understand that others will have to do the same. I'm okay with it now and I know everyone else will be too.
