Sister talk and My Dad's Evolving Perspective

So, last night I brought my dog over to my sister's to visit. We cooked dinner together and our dogs got to play together. I haven't seen her in a couple months, and it is always really nice catching up with her.

When I first walked in she told me I looked great. Throughout the evening she kept talking about how pretty I was and how much better I looked and how every time she sees me I look better and better. She said that this time she looks at me and for the first time doesn't see the old me at all. She has started looking at things like the old me was a completely different person and that I have kind of taken "his" place, which is kinda how I feel about things sometimes as well.

We were talking about our parents and how they are reacting and I mentioned that I don't think my dad likes me. She went on to explain a conversation she had with him a couple weeks ago. Apparently they were talking and he told her "It's hard to know that I genuinely fucked up." At first I thought she meant that he was upset that he hadn't raised me right and that's why I am the way I am.

Apparently that wasn't the case. He told her, in reference to me "I pushed [her] so hard in t-ball and other sports and was just so rough like the way I treated [her brother], but I never would have ever treated you that way, and I should have noticed sooner." Apparently he was crying because he feels like he treated me wrong as he raised me because he thought he was raising a son.

When I was younger I was incredibly sensitive and my parents had a really hard time getting me to do activities and things that were generally associated with my sex, like contact sports and whatnot. He also told her that looking back he feels like I have always had this sense of entitlement, like a strong personality and pride in my identity, and that he sees it strongly in the way I've been since beginning my transition.

My sister thinks the reason he has been so stand-offish to me is because he's a man and that he cannot begin to imagine what it has been like for me, being a girl, growing up the way I have. He just doesn't really know what to say except that he loves me unconditionally and just wants me to find happiness.

I was crying. On top of it, my sister kept telling me how amazed she is with my appearance. It's funny cuz I remember in july she came by and we were supposed to go out together, but when she got here she decided to stay in and I think it was because she was kind of embarrassed of me and my appearance. At the time, I asked her if I looked okay and she told me "I mean, you're getting there." It was pretty painful for me at the time, but looking back she was totally right. I look significantly better at 7 months (today is the anniversary) than I did at 3 months. When we were talking about my being out of work she was like "Well I think it's really good that you have waited to start looking for work because you look so much better now than you used to." It felt really good.

It gets better

Love you all, xoxo