1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

The annoying "acceptance" of the liberal parent

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Pret Allez, Nov 14, 2012.

  1. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So, I came out as a crossdresser to my mom tonight. It really brought me back to when I was 16. That was when I came out to her as bisexual. When I did that, she was sort of surprised, and although I could tell that she was accepting me, she wasn't really happy for me. And I remember her questioning me. How do you know you're bisexual? That still grates me to this day.

    But anyway, I came out to her as a crossdresser. And she got that familiar surprised look on her face, accepted me as she did before, and just started questioning again. So why are you getting a skirt? Because I want one, and they look and feel nice, Mom. Where will you wear it? I don't know. Around the house, and maybe out in public sometimes on the weekends. Maybe at fencing practice. Huh. You'll have to shave your legs though. Yes, I suppose I will. I've done it before, and I liked it. I hate shaving my legs. Okay.

    I bet when I tell my dad, he'll react the same way as he did when I came out as bisexual. By being happy for me.

    Fuck liberal parents.
     
    #1 Pret Allez, Nov 14, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2012
  2. Drakey

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denver, Colorado
    consider this: at least you didn't get the opposite reaction. I don't know about you, but I'd much rather have my dad say "ohhhh are you going to go out and meet some cute boys??" instead of "I have no son, get out of my house and I never want to see you again." I'd value that your parents want you to just be who you are instead of condemning you for it. If you really have a problem with that, then sit them down and tell them how you feel. If they're really that open and accepting, then they're bound to understand your side of the story.
     
  3. BradThePug

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2011
    Messages:
    6,573
    Likes Received:
    288
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yeah.. my mom asked like a million questions when I came out to her as bi. I still haven't come out to her as being pangender and gay...

    But, at least they are not saying that we are going to hell.
     
  4. SkyDiver

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2012
    Messages:
    885
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alberta
    What's wrong with your father being happy for you?

    The acceptance of the liberal parent is far, far better than the rejection of the conservative parent.
     
  5. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    No, you're not getting the whole point of my post. My father had the correct reaction. My mom, on the other hand, just peppered me with questions. My dad is on the radical left and therefore understands these things. My mom is liberal with a serious case of Victorian Age Syndrome and fails to understand these things.

    I'm not claiming I have it bad. I know of people who have it much, much worse. But it's still annoying to deal with a parent who thinks that you should just be normal, because that would make things easier for yourself.

    Hey Mom, how about just let me be abnormal, please?
     
  6. Pseudojim

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2009
    Messages:
    2,868
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    tell her it annoys you, and exactly why, imo. Not in an accusing way, but i reckon it would help.

    When i was 11 and just starting high school i befriended a guy called James who i really got along well with. He was openly gay from a very, very young age. I was fascinated and intensely curious. I would often ask him about anything and everything that would come to my mind, merely to ease my curiosity. I had no idea it was annoying him until he said "why is it that every time we talk the conversation always comes back to you asking me questions about something related to or directly about me being gay?". I was slightly disappointed in myself but he was nice about it and we never had a problem after that.
     
    #6 Pseudojim, Nov 14, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2012
  7. Rakkaus

    Rakkaus Guest

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2012
    Messages:
    878
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New York
    Ugh, I hate the "how do you know" question...when I came out as bisexual to my mother, that was her immediate response. An indifferent "How do you know?" and "So you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?" followed by "Well, just make sure to do safe everything" and that was it...it wasn't at all like the coming out stories I had heard and videos I had watched where parents actually embrace and promise to love their kids for who they are and I certainly didn't feel accepted. Though I wouldn't say she is liberal.

    I think a liberal parent is still far better than a conservative. I wouldn't even dare come out to my father, who is a horrible conservative bigoted idiot.


    Part of the reason why I regret even coming out as bi to my mother and just plan on staying in the closet until I can hopefully move far away from my family.
     
  8. Zontar

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2010
    Messages:
    1,802
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Binghampton, NY
    That takes serious fucking balls to come out as a crossdresser. I don't think my family will ever find out about that.
     
  9. BudderMC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2010
    Messages:
    3,148
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    I know that feeling. My mom did the same thing. When I first came out, I told her I didn't like being the center of attention, but I humoured her (and my brother's) questions and "oh we're so proud of you!"'s for the first night. Things died off after, which was good, but I guess it was short lived - a couple weeks afterwards, in the car (great) my mom decided to pop all the questions again.

    I mean, I know she's accepting, and that's good, but it's definitely annoying.

    I guess she's trying to establish what her role is in my relationship as a parent now, even though I've told her that really, nothing changes.
     
  10. The Escapist

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2011
    Messages:
    1,301
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky, U.S.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Congrats on coming out. Yes, people are just curious alot of the time, but it can be is almost always really awkward coming from your parents. Oddly enough my (conservative) parents didn't ask many questions. I was ready for all the weird ones too, but I'm sure glad they didn't. My mom just asked how long I knew, and why I didn't tell her "anyway." (Because of the comments she made.) (*hug*)
     
  11. Romi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2012
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FL, USA
    That really is annoying. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It kinda reminds me of the way my aunt and uncle [with whom I currently reside] accept me for being genderqueer and bi. They "accept" the queer of who I am, but yet they're constantly asking me why I'm dressing this way versus that way, telling me not to leave my Gay Rights book out on my own desk in my room, constantly asking me if I'm not just confused.

    It really is frustrating, but at the same time, I would much rather deal with that than have to be torn apart, told I'm going to rot and burn, and be kicked out and dismissed. So...it's one of those things.

    Still...Massive hearts for you, Pret. <3
     
  12. Valarie

    Valarie Guest

    yeah, feel that way with my mom
    she wants me to be happy, but she keeps asking if I'm sure ...
    and other questions

    I would definitely tell her how you feel

    I didnt for awhile, I'm usually pretty even tempered,
    but with her I actually get frustrated and angry toward her
    so then I ranted at her ...

    better now, but she still can get to me
     
  13. TheSeeker

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2012
    Messages:
    493
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Up on the Canadian Border in the Rain...
    Good job Pret Allez!! I agree, it would take some serious stones to come out like that, and I think you are awesome for doing it!

    I think your parents reacted pretty well, and I will elaborate on my thoughts in my more eloquent and insightful manner once I have my coffee...

    For now, have some congratulatory RD:

    [​IMG]
     
  14. Koan

    Koan Guest

    I agree. Pret Allez has serious (feminine) balls.
     
  15. TheSeeker

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2012
    Messages:
    493
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Up on the Canadian Border in the Rain...
    Ok... I am at full levels of coffee and nicotine and ready to respond. Sorry, my brain moves like molasses in the mornings and like molasses on a cold day when I am a bit hungover. New Belgium came out with their winter ale and mother of god it is wonderful. Ok, moving on!

    Seconded.

    Ok, first off bravo for coming out again to your Mom on a separate issue. It is pretty awesome the way she took it. Now, I know it annoys you the way she asks questions, but bear with me because I think I understand where she is coming from. There are a couple different factors at play here. It's awesome that she's liberal enough for you to be comfortable telling her you want to cross-dress before even buying a skirt!

    I wish my Mom was liberal enough that I could be sure she would take my coming out as Bi half so well. I mean, she is liberal enough certainly, but the religious aspect of her makes her a wild card. Are either of your parents at all religious?

    So, your Mom is not just your parent, she is your Mom and therefore female it makes sense that she would have some questions about cross-dressing... I mean, she's been shaving her legs and dressing in women's clothing her whole life right?

    Also, remember that while she is accepting of you, she doesn't actually understand where you are coming from because she doesn't have similar feelings. From the phrasing of her questions, it sounds more like she is trying to wrap her head around the idea, rather than trying to convince you to change. That is pretty cool in my book.

    As for her asking "How do you know that you're Bi?" back when you were in highschool. That's a legitimate question as well, especially from someone who identifies as straight. These are very new concepts to our parents' generation and questions are certainly going to flow in most cases.

    I know it's annoying to have to answer questions from others that you had to work through in your own head for awhile to answer for yourself. But they're not in your head, so it's only fair. I love your prediction of your Dad's reaction though... He sounds like the epitome of chill.

    It's not necessarily true that your Dad's reaction is the correct one. The only truly correct reaction to coming out as anything is that said parent accepts their child for who they are and loves them for it. Some parents need to ask questions, some just take it in stride. Just because your Dad is on the far left, doesn't mean that he understands the issue at hand, it's just more that he understands that he just needs to accept it offhand.

    The thing about the liberal left, is that it is on the cutting edge of modern society in the USA. As such, that is where the next stage of societal evolution will manifest itself. I firmly believe that we are the next phase of society. Bisexuality is, by necessity, one of the most open mindsets because it has to be; it's not polarized. In essence the only description of our orientation that really rings true to me is human. I am not placing Bisexuality on a pedestal here, just saying that its non-polarity makes it a fascinating factor in our evolving world.

    Now, back to your Mom and your impending skirt purchase: As frustrating as her questions may be, be patient with her and try to help her understand; because she loves you and obviously wants to understand. If she has any desire for you to be normal, it doesn't sound like it is because she is ashamed of having an abnormal son; it's that she doesn't want to see you hurt, bullied, or persecuted. The world she grew up in was so much crueler to our kind than the world today. Sure, we are still the fringe and persecuted plenty in the more ignorant parts of the country, but the difference between 30 years ago and now is like night and day. She's a Mom and she is going to worry for you no matter what you do! I am so happy for you, you sound like you have great parents!

    ~

    Now, I am going to be annoying myself, and ask you some questions of my own. I am pretty new to the community and am trying to understand aspects of it myself! So... As a MtF cross-dresser, do you feel that you are trans-gender or gender fluid. This is not something I understand myself simply because, while I am most contentedly Bi, I have never had the urge to cross-dress or felt like I should have been anything but male. I dig my maleness.

    One of my good friends is MtF trans and she answered a lot of questions on that front for me. But we never really discussed cross-dressing and I know it can be separate from gender-identity. I also know that plenty of straight guys cross-dress but I never could figure out why... So... Educate me! You know how much I value your perspective.

    In closing... CONGRATULATIONS, you are a brave soul in a coward's world as any good knight should be. I tip my hat to you, my friend,

    -The Seeker
     
  16. Zontar

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2010
    Messages:
    1,802
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Binghampton, NY
    Speaking as someone who also digs my maleness, I dress for the same reasons females would. The clothes are nice, cute, and help you to express yourself femininely. Same thing with cute guy clothes. It's a style. Some days I just want to dress that way. It doesn't mean I identify as female...on the contrary, I leave a sort of "male" spin in my look that creates a very androgynous and cute style. For example, I wouldn't wear low-cut shirts with my skirts because...I neither have nor desire any boobs!
     
  17. Hexagon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2011
    Messages:
    8,558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Earth
    Yes, Yes. My family is like this. I get the feeling that my mother thinks (perhaps subconsciously) that appearing accepting is something to be proud about, and never actually considers really accepting people. I often notice her looking slightly proud around people who are obviously LGBT, or of some other minority, and makes a concerted effort to treat them normally (rather than actually not caring).

    I'm sorry you're having difficulty with your mother. I know how much the questions suck. :frowning2: The worst questions are sex related imo (I came out as trans, not CD, but I'd imagine some of the questions overlap). No sense of boundaries.
     
    #17 Hexagon, Nov 15, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2012
  18. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey, everyone! Thanks for responding. :slight_smile: Your support means a lot to me.

    I went out with my lady friend clothes shopping, and I got myself my first random assortment of women's clothes. One skirt, one purple athletic shirt, and one random hot pink shirt. Merci.


    Nah, neither of my parents are religious.

    It's just kind of hard to be questioned by someone else after you've already questioned yourself. Also, straight people aren't asked how they know they're straight. That's why I found it annoying being asked how I knew I was bisexual. As if I'm going to tell my mother why I find men attractive. Yeah right...

    No, I don't have gender dysphoria, nor do I consider myself gender fluid. I still consider myself masculine. I just really like playing with gender, which is why crossdressing appeals to me. I don't know why. It's just so damn hot. I don't want to try and pass as some other gender. I want to be a man in women's clothing. And at the moment, I am... :grin:

    I do have a problem with my maleness that I am recovering from, though. I used to have a strong dislike for masculinity, because it seemed to be based on bro-ing out, being aggressive and belligerent, borderline heterosexist displays, and so on. I felt it was toxic, and that caused a lot of feminine things to appeal to me. I guess I just felt that since I'm not a tough guy, masculinity is not a "game" that I can play. I didn't make the team.

    But since studying chivalry, I have come to learn that there are healthy ways to have masculinity. Being courteous, ethical, heroic, and striving to improve oneself physically is are all ways of being a man, and being belligerent and crass are simply ways of being a fool.

    I never really considered that crossdressing would require a measure of courage, but I appreciate that compliment for you, TheSeeker. Thanks also to Zontar and Koan. :kiss: But I may discover that it actually does... A lot of me welcomes that adversity of the odd off-color comment that people might make. I don't feel like I've faced nearly enough of it for being queer, and I think I just need more of a taste. That way, I might understand other people even better.
     
  19. Zontar

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2010
    Messages:
    1,802
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Binghampton, NY
    Remember, none of that is actual masculinity. It's just insecure "bro" shit.
     
  20. Koan

    Koan Guest



    This sounds very much like this. I always felt masculinity was an unhealthy performance, and I think I have been idolizing the feminine somewhat because of that.



    Interesting. Where can one learn more about chivalry?