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"Straight Best Friend", MY Story

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by whereisthelove, Nov 16, 2012.

  1. Okay. For a while now I have been coming to this website, reading other's "straight best friend" stories, looking for some guidance. I can already tell this is going to be a long post, so bear with me but I feel like it's time I did what so many others have as well; that is, tell my story.

    It's hard to put a time frame on all this. I guess deep down I have known that I wasn't completely straight, but my gay feelings were so insignificant, maybe 20%; the rest, girls. This separation never really bothered me either. Now it's more like 75% guys, 25% girls. Sometimes it is 50/50 though, it's so dynamic and confusing. But on to the real story.

    I really only have a small group of three REALLY good friends. I mean, we are inseparable almost, but we really keep our private lives to ourselves. We are also the four smartest, best performing students in our school (we're all seniors) which is probably why we clicked so well because we could relate to each other. Oh, and the group is comprised of me, my best friend (male) who I have been best friends with since elementary, and two girls we met in 9th grade. Since then, we have been the greatest of friends.

    A year ago my best friend started falling for one of the girls in our group. I mean he fell HARD. For months, she was his entire world really but couldn't say anything. I helped him through his feelings and, after making it blatantly obvious to her, was rejected pretty bad.
    That's all dealt with now. Well, about 7-8 months ago I began to fall for the other girl in our group. I thought about her constantly and she would actually get me really depressed at times. She is so awesome, the best girl at the school actually, in my view.

    But here comes the rough part. After months of gawking over this girl and spiraling into depression, I finally talked to her about it. See, she used to like me but I wasn't sure if she still did. It's been dying off since then and we are still friends but a little more distant.

    During the same time I began having these feelings for one of the girls, I began to get VERY strong feelings for my best friend, the GUY. Long story short: I was REALLY sent into a depression because now I was conflicted. Slowly my feelings for him grew and eventually became a full-out obsession. I was hinting to the issue many times and eventually he flat out asked me to say it. By that time, I had reached breaking point and was having suicidal thoughts (although I would never act on them) so I decided to tell him. I kind of broke down some but he was completely understanding. We had a really close moment actually. That was a month and a half ago. By the way, he is entirely straight.

    Since then I have explained almost all of my feelings for him, even the part about wanting to be with him romantically and even thinking about sex with him. I told him however, that I only wanted things to stay the same. He said that was not a problem and we have still been best friends since then.

    Good God, he is the best person on the face of the Earth. He is so physically appealing and is the greatest friend ever. I would give up everything to be with him. It is a full-blown obsession really. I can keep it at bay at times, but still when I see him (every day) I get sick and feel so down sometimes. I am afraid of if I do anything, like touch him. He says that if it gets bad enough, he is willing to hold my hand in private but only if it gets really bad and he has made it very clear it would be extremely hard/awkward for him. That's how good of a friend he is, he would actually do that! What straight friend would do that?

    So now I am in the phase of loosing attraction for him (which is VERY hard) and finding someone who I can be with. Still working on that one girl from our group too but it isn't really going anywhere. I pretty much feel like I need to be with a great guy now and abandon any girl as it is not going to happen and my gay feelings are becoming too intense.

    Anyhow, that is my "straight best friend" story and where I am at now. It is a lot more detailed but I already feel sorry for writing this much! :lol: Now that I have said everything though, I think I will be more open to posting my issues as they arise, so hopefully this helps!

    Thanks everyone!
     
  2. Pat

    Pat
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    Wow, that's pretty interesting. It takes courage to 1. Tell them you're gay 2. Admit to actually having the attraction. (I didn't do this lol) Although I never told my straight best bud I was into him, we've had some rather "close calls" which actually lead me to telling him because I was tired of over analyzing the situation and I knew the more passive he was, the more I was going to push and I didn't want to ruin our friendship, I wanted to be closer. We never discussed whether or not I found him attractive because he knows I'm sure.. It sounds like you're slightly different from me because when I told tim I was gay, my feelings for him pretty much evaporated and all that was left was this deep appreciation, brotherly.. that he was able to accept me for who I was and has been totally fine with it. It was a huge, huge relief. I think in time, the more you start talking to other guys, you'll figure out how to place that relationship into perspective. It's really sweet that he offered to let you hold his hand haha, but don't. lol. The goal I have now is proving to him that I don't want to be with him, but rather be there for him and be a good friend. Good luck!
     
  3. Well, see, only my best friend (the one I'm attracted to) and my parents know. It kinda makes me feel bad going after the one girl in our group without her knowing the whole story but I think that is the best way for things to work out for us all, because I AM capable of loving her. It just feels like my best friend takes up 90% of my feelings at the moment.

    See and I wondered if I should first tell him my gay side,or tell him I found him extremely attractive. I went with the latter, and it actually turned out pretty good. Probably better than the first choice to be honest, I think that would have freaked him out more actually. :lol:

    I know what you mean, the "brotherly love". I made it clear that I wanted that to take precedence over anything else and he agreed. He really is like a younger brother to me (he's only about 8 months younger).

    He actually really killed me with the holding hand offer because I wanted to but never took advantage, so he took back the offer, I kind of freaked, but still haven't done it so I am letting that fade away. Wouldn't want to risk making the attraction any greater. And yep, that's where I'm at. I still love him but I need to show him that I am a best friend first, and I'm sure he already understands. Not the best situation, but better than most I suppose.:confused:

    Anyway, thanks for responding to my crazy long post.:grin: Good luck to you as well, as time takes us who knows where!
     
  4. Pat

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    Well I think he would have accepted you either way. You're not telling them something they don't know. If they spend any kind of alone time with you, they can kind of tell that you like them a little more than other guy friends they have. Lol. Straight guys need gay friends that they can share their feelings with. Otherwise, they only have their girlfriends to share with and that doesn't often come out right when they finally expose those feelings. They know you're attracted to them but they want to keep you around for the kind of friend you are or have the potential to be. I actually haven't hung out with my friend in a little, but just when I think something's up with him, he changes my mind and calls me up. It's a balancing act for them. So it'll work out, do your best to remain friends and tell him how you feel about situations as you go into them.
     
  5. That's what I wanted in the end I guess; his acceptance. Of course I wish it could go further, but not if it messes the friendship up. He said he couldn't tell this was happening at all, and still can't tell. I don't act like the stereotypical "gay" guy you know, not that there is an average "gay" guy. I bet more than half the time you wouldn't know. He knows he can talk to me about anything. We have pretty much shared everything since elementary you know. He seems a little more distant now, but it's probably just paranoia. We still hang out and talk daily. He has expressed how much I mean to him as a friend, and that always cheers me up to hear that since I thought I would lose him completely. Anyway, I'll lay down low with all the soft-stuff since he is kinda more of a tough guy with a discrete soft side. I have known him for over 8 years so I know how he is. I'll just see what happens over the next few months!

    Thanks again for posting such good advice! Always nice to know someone else has made it through something similar.:thumbsup:
     
  6. Pat

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    Sounds like my buddy. He's macho haha. But when he needs advice, he comes to me lol. And trust me.. if it goes further, it will annihilate your friendship lol. I've done it before with other guys and I regret it everyday.
     
  7. TeePee

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    sounds just like my best straight friend i was in love with a couple of years ago(he knew i was into him). Good Times!