Climbing Mount Everest

Many of you on EC know that I've had this intense fear of coming out to my father as Trans. I've written time and time again that the idea terrifies me because of his ultra conservative views and extreme religious views. (I added extreme because I know plenty of people who are religious, many of whom support me, and I don't want to offend anybody) Anyway tonight, on a totally spur of the moment decision made by Alexis who's extremely assertive and quickly becoming my dominant personality, I stopped my dad on my way down stairs, and asked if I could talk to him about something.

He asked what, and I went on to tell him that my brain isn't wired male. I told him I'd felt this way all my life. Now, in a move that didn't surprise me, he went on to tell me that it's sin, and that there's sin all over this world. He told me that the only thing that can help me to correct this is prayer and God. He went on to tell me that the therapists out there who would tell me this is okay are non-believers who've been tricked by the devil and everything he's doing to affect the world and cloud the minds of man. He then told me that he's praying for me. Finally he finished with repeating that it was sin and I need to get right with God, but that's between me and God. He said that he's my father, he loves me, and the revelation I made isn't going to change anything in this house.

Now, I didn't tell him how far in I am, how I dress or am going to be transitioning. Even when he was talking about prayer, God, and sin, I didn't retort because I don't think that's what this was about for me. My intent was to ease him into this slowly and bring things to light gradually over time and, considering the hurdles I was facing, I think this went remarkably well. The fact that he went on and on about his religious views on the subject show that there's still a bit of a rocky road ahead, but I've chosen to take this away from the encounter: The sin is between you and God. I'm your father and I love you and it's not going to change anything in this house.

That part at the end gives me hope that he may eventually be able to come around to the rest of this as I reveal more. For now though, it's out there. I still can't believe I did it. If nothing else, he knows I'm not male on the inside. I still anticipate some tension as I bring more to light, but the initial coming out went so much better than I'd hoped, and I'm hopeful that maybe instead of the end of our relationship, this will be a speed bump or stoplight.

This is so unbelievable huge for me, that I had to share it. This was my Mount Everest of Coming outs, and I'm firmly into the climb now. Nerves or not, there's not a single person I don't feel I could come out to now! I still can't believe I did it. Knowing that I might have to leave the house tonight if it went badly, I still did it. The old me never would have been able to face that possibility.

 

I appreciate that. Even speaking to him about my views on gay rights or transgender issues is something that's scared me to death in the past. Even coming out as far as I did and putting that out there was huge for me.

His response was a mixed bag, but actually surprised me in the end. I'm hopeful for the first time that this won't be the end of our relationship.

 

Thank you everybody It was probably one of the scariest things I've ever done, but its cut my stress way down. I'm not feeling it physically anymore anyway.

 

Thank you Andrew