3 days since I realized I was gay

Hello. I have read a lot of posts here, and figured i would like to share my story here too since it is a bit different.

I am a 23 year old guy currently studying abroad. 3 days ago I was straight(in my head) and had a girlfriend. After a stressfull period of a lot of schoolwork, i had a rough time sleeping, and I began thinking about my relation ship, and how it was not going so well. When i realised that it might be because I was gay, suddenly this switch turned in my head: So what if I am gay!? I thought about it and the more i did, the more I was sure I should come out to my girfriend. And I decided than night (at like 5:30 AM) That i would tell my GF the next day after my test at 10 pm when we planned to skype.

Everything went so fast, and I was terribly confused and super tiered. I did not sleep well that night, and when i tried to get some sleep before the test so I could preform better, i could not do it. My heart was pounding so fast. I was exited and afraid. I decided that day that I would come out to all my friends here ( I am lucky enough to have 3 long term good friends here with me, whom also exchanges) right away as well.

The talk with my GF was not very pleasant. But she took it remarkably well. Things hadn't been going too sweet, she was noticing too, and we have been far apart for some time. After talking to her for two hours she said we stopped talking. I skyped my sister to her mobile phone back home, and got her at work. She said she was bussy, but when i said "I am about to get out of the closet, when are you off work?" She said: ofcourse I have time now! We spoke for 45 minutes and it was a really good expeirence, me and my sister have had some rought times with eachother, but gained a closer relationship lately, this only strengthened that. I cried a lot during these two talks, even though I had been looking forward too them. It was suddenly really emotional to accept my own sexuality, and seeing others accept it made it so much easier.

The time was about half past 1 at night now, but my best friend down here, whom I have backpacked with for 7 months and known since I was 16 and he stayed at unit til late. He had borroed an internett cable and I said i would meet him get it from him. It was the first thing I said when we met, and at this point I had a headache, sleepdeprivation and It was quite cold. I must have looked like a nerve wreck when i blurted it out. He reacted calmly: "Well, that has nothing to say?" And upoin seing my reaction of relief and distress, he asked me if I wanted a hug. I just nodded and we had a fairly long hug. After that he asked a few questions, and I told him this was why i had not gotten much sleep yesterday, and how exited I had been. He listened, and we walked towards his place. and ended up talking about everything and nothing as if nothing had happend.

We took some food, and I went back to my place after I followed him home for the company. By then my heart had stopped beating so fast and I felt very calm and I slept like a baby. Since then I have felt nothing but free and relaxed, and my two other friends here took it good aswell. My friends and I are joking about it, and the gay jokes that used to be thrown around are still there but has gained another dimension of humour. They are all super relaxed, even my friend whom i was prepared to give a bit of time to get used to it. I love my friends for not chaning how they treat me, and not being wierded out when joking about stuff.

I will come out to my friends back home when i come home for christmas, and also my mom and dad. I just want to be a bit more confident in what exactly I tell them. As for now I am still quite confused.

I havent tried anything, but I am really exited to do. I wanna go to a gay club next weekend and dance and feel some light body contact and maybe kiss a gay (I am soo CRAAAAZY right?). I have also tried to find a network here, but Seoul, where I study, does not have a big open gay community. There are a lot of discrete relation ships and random sex, but I would really like a community to talk to I guess. Maybe I will find some online, or talk to someone next weekend.

It is still super wierd for me to talk about me being gay, and to tell friends i think a guy is handsome. I guess it will come with time, but I am trying to challenge myself by telling them more stuff like that.

But yeah, this is a story that is a bit different as I am still very confused and uncertain when i come out. And even though i kinda allways knew, I did deny it very efficently for many years, and chaning that is nice, but also strange. Right now, I am thinking: What next? And I just wanna experience it all at once, but have no Idea where to begin.

Any feedback on that would be awesome.

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, I was on this site the night i realized I was gay and it really helped me accept it.

---------- Post added 18th Nov 2012 at 11:43 PM ----------

Oh I am still not 100% sure I am gay, but I guess thats where I am going to end up on the scale once I figure things out. I am not very stressed about that, but I am still not certain. Guess time will tell

 

Well there WAS quite some years with denial though, they should count. But knowing that it would be safe to come out made it compelling to just rip off the bandaid fast though. I am still unsure about stuff and quite confused/exited about what i am supposed to do now, so I guess I am not quite done yet either. I mean I flipped a big part of my life in a span of a day. Now what?