Reason why you didn't come out?

I come from a very religious (Christian) family, and I'm afraid they won't accept me. My grandparents barely acknowledge that gay people exist.

(Feel free to quote, if you want.)

It's great that your family is so accepting!

 

Well my parents have already confirmed they will 'defer' me if I ever tried to come out as gay. Also coming from a conservative country and the lack of LGBT connections/ support here are contributing factors

 

I was scared to come out because I had the fear that I was disappointing my family (even though my parents have some gay friends). I also had a ton of religious extended family (which thankfully my family does not associate with much anymore..) . I was at one point the youth president in a homophobic church. So, I had to wait until college to come out.

 

i didnt come out properly till i was 16. i came out at 12 as being 'bi'. but i knew i was gay lol.
i was petrified of my mums reaction as whenever something gay related came up in convo/on tv she would always be like ew :|. when i did come out properly at 16 she didnt believe me all she said was 'no youre bi, youve had boyfriends'. then when i broke up with my then girlfriend when i was 19 she realised it was who i was.

you can quote if you like, if its any help lol

 

My mom is super conservative, christian, homophobic, and mentally unstable. I came out as agnostic to her a few years ago and she still gives me a hard time about "hating God." She is also good friends with one of my coworkers, an equally religious and gossipy bunch. My best friends know about and accept me though, and that means the world to me. I am a private person in general though so as long as I'm single I don't see a need to reveal my sexuality to most people. I do feel a need to vent though, so Empty Closets helps keep me sane. (Yes, you may quote this if you'd like)

 

At the age of 30 I am just starting to come out. I think the biggest reason has honestly been that I didn't want to be different. I come from a fairly large close knit family. There so far hasn't been one other person to come out. Granted there are quite a few people that are very religious and do not look very kindly upon gay people. I really felt that if it was true I would be letting them down. Im telling people one at a time right now. But with each one it gets a little easier. I just keep saying to myself that I have to live my life for me, ultimately the only one who can make me happy is myself.

 

Well, I'm out to all my friends now but it took me a good few years to build up the courage. Mainly because none of us seemed to know any gay people and I wasn't sure of their views on it. They were great when I did tell them though and even asked my best friend if she would 'go gay for me' because we make a cute couple...awkward.
My parents however are not so aware of my sexuality. I would happily tell my mother, because she's a wonderful and generally accepting woman. However, if I told her she would tell my dad since she can't keep secrets...my father is incredibly homophobic and has made it clear that me being gay is not acceptable. He also has told me not to bring any gay people to the house even...
I'm never coming out to him -.-'

Quote if you like ~

 

Mostly due to fear of rejection. I know my parents would probably have a stage of shock and maybe question me a lot, but I know they'd be fine about it. I haven't actually come out to people by directly saying 'I'm gay', I usually show that there's something on my mind and then make people guess. So I'm not sure how the topic would come up with my parents, if they asked I wouldn't lie, I'd say yes.

I haven't come out at college (only my best friends know), because there are some guys that are still pretty young and naive that maybe wouldn't understand. Well it's one friend in particular, he's 17 and still thinks gays must be predators attracted to all straight guys. He needs to grow up a little.

I have to come out before I'm 20 though (it's a New Years resolution), because I just want to live the next 10 years of my life happy whilst I'm still young.

 

I didn't accept that I was gay until I was about 20 so for me it wasn't about fear of what others would think, it was more a case of coming to terms with it myself.

I was never been homophobic and I never had a problem with other people being gay, I just didn't want to be gay myself, I hated the idea. For my entire teenage years I managed to convince myself it was a stage I'd grow out of and that soon I'd start being attracted to girls. Obviously that was stupid and as time went by it became harder and harder to deny to myself that I was gay. Then after a few occassions where I struggled to have sex with girls icon_redf) I sort of resigned myself to it. I basically told myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and wasting my life and just make the most of it.

It was scary at first and I still really didn't like it but quite quickly I started feeling comfortable with it. Now it just feels completely natural which is quite a turnaround in less than a year. Makes me wish I'd accepted it years ago.

So that takes us up to now. I've only told one of my best friends so far but I'm planning to tell more people when it's right. In fact I've promised myself that I'll tell my dad before new years and hopefully I'll stick to that.

 

Religion, I thought I could turn straight by praying but that didn't work.

Also, people's reactions from school.

 

My father is homophobic and has a rigid belief in gender roles. Since I am gay and not very masculine, I grew up very ashamed of myself. The hardest part of accepting myself has been overcoming the fact that I will be a failure as a child and a man in my father's eyes once he finds out.

The reason I'm not out to my family is that I'm not financially ready to be disowned yet. Understand that disownment isn't a fear, but a fact that I have accepted. I just want to finish college first so that I don't have to worry about tuition and rent without any assistance.

Feel free to quote if you want.

 

I'm mostly afraid of my grandparents' reaction. I love them to pieces, but they are very close-minded people. I know it will crush them. As for my parents...I'm honestly afraid they're going to tell me I'm making this up, and it's not true. I'm older (mid-30's), and I can see my mom saying something to the effect that if it were true, I would have figured it out sooner. She can be very dismissive. My dad is the one I'm least worried about, but to tell him means telling Mom...and to tell her means telling my grandparents. So...for now, exactly two people know, and it will stay like that for the foreseeable future.

Feel free to quote whatever you want/need. Good luck in writing your article.

 

Several aspects for me.
* Did not have friends growing up. Only recently, once I moved out, and even more recently, living on my own, have I gained any sort of confidence in myself.
* Fear of rejection. I don't want to lose any of the few friends that I have.
* Fear of reprisals. Growing up and hearing about hate crimes terrified me.
* Fear of family. My family already has a long history of held grudges against each other. Plus they are crazy already. Coming out would potentially cause familial chaos.
* I don't want to change my lifestyle much. I am too lazy/comfortable to embrace change.
* I was the bottom of the social ladder the majority of my life. Didn't want to ostrasize myself more.
* I was forced into a lot of bs church shit as a kid, including a bullshit Lutheran sexual awareness summer camp. They talked about absolutely ridiculous shit like the time my counselor got his dick stuck in his wife (Funniest thing ever, btw LOLOL) and what kind of birth controls are acceptable, but not ONCE did they bring up gay issues. It wasn't really frowned upon, but more like it was never even considered. Oh my god, I'm just now remembering how miserable I was there.
* The social group I aligned myself with is largley structured around hate based music, and although this group is extremely accepting of pretty much everything, I have never felt comfortable exposing myself to them.
* Father issues. In my case, I have only met my dad twice personally in my entire life. Before I was born, they separated to opposite sides of the country to pursue their own goals, and it was a mutual agreement. So while never really being on bad terms with him, the lack of a reliable father figure shaped me a lot. It was pretty awesome though when I met him as an adult. We were sitting at dinner with his wife, and he casually asked if I had a girlfriend. I said no, and then he asked if I had a boyfriend. I was too suprised to react with shame or even squirm, and I answered no, to which he replied I'd figure it out. I wanted really bad to come out right then and there, but my mindset was that he is excited to meet his child for the second time in 20 years, and I shouldn't "ruin" it. Looking back, I very much regret it, because I love him very much, and truth be told, he loves me so strongly that because of the fact that we live so far apart that I can basically get away with murder with him as long as he gets to talk to me.
* Similar to the father issues above, but directed towards my half brother and half sister whom I have never met personally. Facebook magically found them one day, we friended, and we're still like strangers. I'm sure my sister would accept me as who I am, but I have shared maybe two paragraphs with my brother, other than a few facebook comments here or there. In my mind is like a straight superhero or something, cuz he works for the air force flying jets and has a supermodel hot wife. It would be awkward and I don't want to lose a conection with my brother who looks JUST like me. Its sad, because I idolize him but we never talk.
* Cultural pressure.
* It would affect my work environment.

I aknowledge that the above is both true and utter bullshit reason for me to still be in the closet myself. I feel like I am more than ready to come out, I just can't find the courage atm. Maybe I should just make a drunken facebook post and get it over with. The digital record of people's reactions would help me keep track of who knows, instead of me accidentaly slipping up later to someone that doesn't know yet lol.
You may quote whatever you want, or ask for more explanation or details if you'd like. I'd be glad to share.

 

I didn't come out because:

- My sister is disabled and my brother is nearing 30 with no achievements to his name, still stuck living with our parents. My parents are also conservative and religious, and I know they're disappointed with their children so far except me. They expect me to be the "successful" one in the family, and I know that if I came out, they'd view me as a failure, too.
- I'm scared my parents will do something drastic and kick me out, send me off somewhere, pull me out of school, etc. My mother is mentally unstable and she regularly threatens things like that.
- I don't want to be completely rejected by my family because they're all extremely religious and I know for a fact they don't think very well of LGBT people. My family is already somewhat broken and I don't need it to crumble away any more just because I'm gay.

I'm out to everyone except my family, obviously. They're my last real obstacle before I can move on in life as far as my sexuality goes. I'm scared that on my wedding day, my family won't be there and would hate me just because I'd be marrying a girl and not a man like they all hope for. Feel free to quote me if you would like.

 

Well I didn't come out yet because:

- I'm scared of what my friends reaction will be. I'm not mentally ready to be rejected by the only friends I have.

- My mom is ok with being gay. (She has a few gay friends herself) My father on the other hand is extremely homophobic. Whenever the conversation ends up on such topics he's like
: " It is just wrong to be gay" Telling my mom would mean telling him.

- I live in a town which is generally homophobic, with only like 10 LGB or T people so yea I don't think I want it to be widely know

Well look on the bright side: I'm going to try to come out to my closest friend before new year's eve and make it my new years resolution to be out by the end of 2013

 

My mom used to ask me questions like "are you gay? It's ok if you are, I'll still love you". But after I denied it, she's started ranting about how disgusting lesbians are because of her "experience with living with them in jail" (she's been arrested numerous times for drug possession). Also, her side of the family is extremely religious. I have a gay cousin, and they all hate him.

My dad just thinks that being gay is wrong because we can't reproduce, and that homosexuality is based solely on lust. He already hates the fact that I'm in GSA.

I know they probably won't disown me, but they'll still think differently of me, like I'm not their daughter anymore. I don't want to have to live with that for four more years.

 

Exact same for me.

I'm worried I will be disowned.

I don't know if my grandparents know what gay is. I've never heard any of them say anything about them.

 

My mother would look at me as a failure on her part. I was never raised religious, but she is a born again Christian. In her mind if she gave me a "proper" upbringing, I would be perfect. She would see it as her betrayal of God. She wouldn't hate me per se, but she would hate the ideas I am a physical manifestation of. She would be all for disowning me and never speaking to me again. My father would have an issue with that. I would also be the catalyst of my parents' divorce. I would also lose my car, which is worse than the house because I'm moving out anyway.

My older sister would be supportive of me, but it would irreparably damage her relationship with our mom and she might cut her off for cutting me off. So my mom wouldn't get to see my nieces. Then my mom would be in the middle of a divorce and unable to see her grandchildren and it would be my fault (I know intellectually it wouldn't be, but it would feel that way).

So, no plans of ever coming out to my parents. Ever. It wouldn't be fair to ask my dad to keep such a big secret from his wife. Which I realized is kinda funny because it is stereotypically opposite, my dad the former good ole southern boy would be accepting while the yankee woman wouldn't be.

 

Hmm...
I guess been seeing differently.
Like family not seeing me for myself...

In terms of friends... IDK... It wasn't that hard to tell my friends.
My mother and oldest sister were toughies because they're somewhat homophobic... and I care about them a lot.
As for friends, so far they've all been supportive; but I've always thought that if any of them were to reject me or whatever I'd be "meh"... Obviously the friendship is not a good one if they were to turn their back on me just because I'm gay.