Christian Kamikazee

Hello, first of all, my name is Mike, and I just joined this site yesterday, and ive never had so much fun , wow... Im just recently out, and its quite a story, and honestly, the story is still kind of happening.... sooo I suppose I will keep you all posted on how it turns out, and I really could use some advice.

So I knew I was gay when I was 10 or 11, and I lived in the small north-Ontario, Canadian city of Sudbury. But the people there were sooo sketch about gay people, I would hear it in my friends when they talked, and in my parents, and family aswell. So I kept it in, and I kept trying to date girls-- and im sure I broke some hearts --to try and change the way I felt inside. In highschool, I started to hate myself: because to cover up my secret gay feelings, I started to make degrading comments to other gay people.
I had no support system, because both of my parents, at the time, were suffering severely of a disease called Hypothyroidism (a disease that messes with your brain, and causes people to go insane, its completely un-noticeable except for all the anger). By the time the doctors had gotten to my parents, five years had passed, and they were considered clinically insane... I spent almost no time at all in my own house, scared sick of my parents. Luckily I had some amazing friends, who became like family to me; but I was so afraid of losing them too, so I couldn't come out to them. I was about 15 or 16 at this time.
Then it got bad. My parents decided they wanted to move away.
We ended up moving to a little town named Keswick, about 4 hours away from Sudbury, and for those of you who live in Ontario, it was a town just off lake simcoe.
I was so alone, a kid, in grade 11, half way through highschool, pushed away from everything I had known, and into a school of 1700 kids... I was alone. Don't laugh, but I spent my lunches in the bathroom; too afraid to be seen as a loner.
So one day, after about a month of bathroom lunches, a christian kid invited me out to hang out with his youth group, and I did. I became a christian, and I eventually led my parents to church, and they too became christians.
Time passed, and I told a couple people I was gay, and everyone I told were okay about it... except one guy that I liked... he was a christian, and he told me I was sinning, and I would go to hell. That hurt alot... and I realized at that moment, I would not be accepted by christians, and in this new town, christian friends were almost all I had.
QUICK DETAILS:

1. My parents did not accept it (they found out when I was 16), and havent truly accepted it until now (Im 19).
2. I ended up dropping out of highschool at 17 from the stress (which I went back to and finished)

So I had had enough of living a lie, and I decided the best way to come out, was to do it as fast as possible: FACEBOOK!!!
this was the message:

So here it is...
9:48pm January 06, 2008
So ya, I'm gay, i figured u should all know .
NOT A JOKE.
I still love god either way.
this is hard. but i cant lie, living life as a lie is far worse than living life as an outcast. I hope u can understand, if you cant, thats fine, But this is who i am.

thanks for reading this.​

So that was 3 weeks ago :roflmao: . I dont think I've gotten one phone call in the last two weeks. My church pastor has threatened to kick me out of the church. I'm really alone... and yehh.... BUT HONESTLY<----- I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY and I have never felt so good about myself... .

Thanks for reading, I could really use some advice.


Am I hurting God?

 

Umm, im Baptist, but really, in the end, I am anything, cause the religion is like a sickness to me, but god is still the bomb.

anyways , im so glad to be here, I havent been able to stop smiling all day. wow. im so thankful for EC. >.<