Told two teachers. :)

So recently I had to start working on my Senior memoir, basically a long paper due at the end of the year about myself. So instead of handing it in in person I emailed the first five chapters to my English teacher and my Art teacher as a bonus....This is one of those chapters, I had to black some things out so it doesn't give away to much personal detail:

[FONT=&quot]Who am I?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]You know that person who barely says a word, keeping quiet because they are afraid that if they vocalize anything they will be ridiculed in every way possible? That person is me; scared of the judgments others could make, making my own judgments upon myself. I have become my own personal critic. I have become an avid reader, a deep thinker, a hollow shell.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I live in __________, New York. I was born on October 10th, 1994 at __________ but was raised right here in good old ___. Now, eighteen years later I am currently a senior attending ____________ High School. Since graduation is approaching me faster and faster every day I now find myself wondering what my life will be like once I am finally out of high school. What kind of people will I meet? What will I find myself experiencing as life moves forward? Will I even go to college or just go directly into the work force? As of right now I can’t answer that last question. A part of me wants that college experience that everyone is always talking about. The actual experience of being away at college, meeting people that I wouldn’t normally, studying Psychology.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] But regardless of how much I want all of those things there is always that other part of me that is practically screaming “You can’t do it! You can barely handle the stress of high school, the school work. How do you ever expect to be able to handle college?” But hey, this is me, the quiet person who is constantly at war with them self. Regardless of being unsure of where my life is headed I feel that I must at least have some sort of plan in place. Even if I decide not to go to college; ______________ is always accepting new applications for students to start up in the fall semester. I could always start by applying there. At least that way I know I have an application in, in case I choose to go to college and the deadlines have already past me by. There are more things that I am other than a procrastinator, and quiet. I am many other things as well. For starters I must say this, I am not a lesbian. I know that you are probably thinking “what is she talking about?!? In the last thing that I read from this person they explained all about how they were a lesbian, what is going on here?” Truth be told, I have known I wasn’t a lesbian for a long while now. It was just easier to say that I was then to even try and start to explain who I am truly. But sense I really have no limit as to how much I can write and this chapter is about answering the question of who am I; giving an explanation as to what I mean by this would fit in perfectly. So let us start again.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]My name is ________________, I am eighteen years old and I identify as being gender fluid; gynesexual. By saying that I am gender fluid I am basically saying that I do not identify as either gender. But at the same time I am both at once, my gender is basically a combination of male and female. Sometimes I am more female than male, and others I am more male than I am female. The best way I can describe this is by comparing it to a scale. A scale is never perfectly balanced; it is always leaning to one side more than the other even if it is such a microscopic amount that we are unable to see it with the naked eye. So someone who identifies as gender fluid is like that scale, they are a mix of both genders but one over powers the other even if it is only slightly. For instance some days I could honestly say I am more female, and then on other days I could say I am more male than I am female. Most times it seems confusing sense people most generally assume gender is something that is merely physical. Physical gender holds no relevance to what gender actually is though. You can be physically one gender but mentally you’re another or none at all. It’s a form of introspection; it is the way you understand yourself mentally, emotionally, and how you see yourself overall. Rather than say how society would see you, or how a doctor may classify you for that matter. For those who are gender fluid they often do not go by gender specific pronouns such as; her, him, she, or he. Most times they will tell people close to them their PGP (preferred gender pronoun). It may be him or her depending on that person’s preference. For me I use pronouns that are not gender specific such as; they/them. For example you would use these in ways such as; Are they eighteen years old? Are they a lesbian? I was with them last night? Are you friends with them? Using them/they instead of gender specific pronouns show you respect the person for how they identify. But since most people however never question their gender because they are physically male/female and they do not feel that they are anything different, therefor nobody else is either. Those people know who they are and they are comfortable with it, and for them it is sometimes hard to believe that there are actually a great number of people out there that do question their gender. For me it was hard to believe I was one of those people who questioned their genders, that I am one of them.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] On a daily basis I question myself in various ways. I ask myself questions such as: I am physically female, how do I know I am not? Who am I? And lastly, how do I explain these things to others who can’t possibly relate? None of these questions have been easy to answer, and sometimes the answer changes. Mostly the answer that changes is for the question of who am I? I never had put much thought into it until I began to question my sexuality about 5 years ago. The more questions I asked myself the more I thought about the answer, and to be honest the more confused I became. I didn’t realize that I had been paying no attention to myself; I was just existing not really asking questions about anything. Especially not ones that had to deal with thinking about what made me, me.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] The more I learn about myself the more I realize how complex people really are, I never would have in a million years known there were so many different ways people identified their gender and or their sexuality until I was faced with these moments of questioning. After a while I eventually had to start asking others who identify in similar ways questions as well. I was trying to figure out more about myself, trying to find out how I would classify and how to describe myself. I learned a lot. Turns out gender fluidity falls into the category of being non-binary Trans, and gynesexual is just another way of saying you are sexually attracted to women. Only difference between the two terms is that lesbian is a female pronoun and gynesexual is not gender specific. That is why being someone who is gender fluid I use that term, it does not give away my gender to those who are unfamiliar with me, but it tells who I am attracted to all the same. I am me; I am a deep thinker, open minded individual, who apparently loves to type. I am becoming who I was always meant to be, slowly, but I am getting there.[/FONT]
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My English teacher emailed back a response of absolutely amazing, and my Art teacher smiled and said thanks for sharing, both are being real supportive.

-Sorry it was so long.

 

Thank you!!! Ha ha ha, just think that was only one chapter out of five I have submitted, I have to have twenty one by the end of the year.

-That's the way I was, the chapter was "Who Am I" could have wrote just about anything, but I chose this, it was the easiest for me to write. I knew once I started it the rest would flow on out.....If at any point you decide to do this I would LOVE to read it if your comfortable.

-Thanks again.

 

congratulations

 

Ha ha ha, no not college. Just high school senior English assignment, counts each quarter as five or six quiz grades. Then at the end of the year it becomes our final, worth a thousand points.

---------- Post added 25th Nov 2012 at 12:17 AM ----------

Thanks Lexi.

 

You might not, I don't know. It has been a tradition in my school for a while, so far we are the only school I know of that has all of their Seniors do this. I guess it is suppose to be a way for us to reflect on ourselves in later years, see who we were and how we have changed....Even if you don't get to do it you could do it on your own.....Maybe do it as an extra credit assignment or something??

 

Go for it

 

About a week or so, once I started writing I couldn't stop.

 

Thaks y'all.