I came out to my mother yesterday. I hadn't really planned it, we were just talking on the telephone and I told here I wasn't into girls. That went fairly well, she didn't really want to talk about it much, but told me she didn't care as long as I was happy. Ok. So far, so good. However, today my mother called again and with out saying much passed me on to my father. With no further ado he said he wanted to tell me a story : "There was a memorial service for this woman last week at church. Turn out she was a lesbian. How disgusting. Can you believe it ? In our church. These homos are so bizarre." End of story. I didn't know what to say... :bang: At that point I didn't really know whether I'm angry, sad or what. I sort of expected something like this to happen, but after yesterday I had my hopes up. I guess they just aren't going to come to terms with this. They'll just go back into denial and I don't think I have the strength to bring this up again, at least not for the foreseeable future. :icon_sad:
Does your father know that you're gay, or do you think it was just coincidence that he said that? If your mom just wants you to be happy, then she could be an incredible resource for your dad. It sounds like your dad's opinion is just the stereotypical opinion of somebody who is completely ignorant about what it really means to be gay. He probably just needs to understand the truth. Most people with that opinion can usually be turned around. A little bit of knowledge will turn around his ignorance. It'll be ok! (*hug*)
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that your father would say such an insensitive thing to you! (*hug*) I don't know what I would have done in your place. I probably would have gotten icy-cold and curtly said "fuck you" before hanging up :lol: Your mother sounds like she can at least be swayed in your favor over time. It just sounds like your dad is being domineering in this arena for now. He's trying to bully you into slipping back into the closet so that you fit their ideals again. Don't do it! This is a form of bargaining, really. He's trying to convince you that if you at least "act" straight that you won't be "weird" or "bad." That's bullshit. It's just going to take time for them to get comfortable with it (if they do... some simply won't because they don't want to). But this is your life, not theirs, and you have a right to live how you want.
hey newhere. I think your mom might of told him or hinted to him tht you're gay and he might be freaked out and probably wanted to tell you that story so you kno he's not ok with it or something, or maybe to scare you so you like girls. But he will eventaully find out im guessing so you should try and give him hints and slowly come out.
You'll have to try again when you have more strength to fight against your parent's closed mindedness. With some people it takes more than one attempt to get it through to them, but it will happen with time.
i'm sorry. hopefully the next time you come out it will stick. (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
when you were talking with your mom and said you werent into girls. Did you actually say im not into girls because im gay? seems like you werent very conclusive, cause saying your not into girls is not really coming out unless you say after that "because im gay" then they really know. Did your mom talk to your dad after you told her you were gay? I cant believe he would say somthing that distasteful to you about homosexuals. I think you shoulda said this...after your dad said..."In our chuch...these homos are so bizarre" i think you shoulda said "Im sorry you feel that way, am i bizarre now aswell?" I think you should have alteast said somthing to your dad after he ran his mouth like that...
Yes, I my mother knows. I'm pretty sure my father also knows (although I obviously can't be 100 % sure). In the past, my mother hasn't even kept (other) things a secret when I asked her to, so honestly I think the chances of that having happend in this case are next to nil. When they called yesterday and my mother passed me on to my father with the words "Dad wants to tell you something". For a second I thought he was going to say something along the lines of "I'm ok with it" or whatever. Instead he just told that awful story. There was no introduction, we didn't say anything else except hello and bye, it felt like I was being run over by a train. I probably should have said something there and then but I honestly was just too shocked by what had just happend. I've heard these types of stories time and time again in the past, so I don't really know why I'm surprised. It probably was too much to hope for that they'd change their attitude just because I came out. :icon_sad:
thats aweful man :icon_sad: i cant believe your mom would set you up such a downfall, for such a catch phrase.."Hi honey your dad has somthing to say....I think homosexuals are disguisting BYE" .. To set you up for your dad to rip your heart out...very distastful on both their parts IMO....oh well...life goes on...your 32 yrs old , a young man...it would be nice to have a relationship with your parents since you were once a small boy and looked up too them so much. But maybe it is their turn to look up too you! If they are going to keep putting you down, i dont really see the point of continuing an active relationship with them in your life...BE HAPPY ABOUT YOURSELF! and go MEET A NICE MAN!:lol:
Haha, now THAT is some good advice. Just keep living your life. They'll come around eventually. It sounds like they still love you, or they wouldn't have even called. Just give them some time. If they talk as much as you say they do, then they might be able to reason through this on their own. If you value a good relationship with them, however, don't let it go. Give them a couple weeks, but you may want to bring it up again or write a letter. Just always be the bigger person so that they have no reason to get angry. Show them that you're STILL THEIR SON and the same person you've always been.
Hey, we're the same age and in almost the same situation. (*hug*) Since telling my parents again about a month ago, i've learned that you can be YOU and continue a relationship with your parents. While it isn't as open and accepting as I would like, I make no effort to hide my interest in guys while i'm around them and our phone conversations about my personal life are much more transparent than they used to be. People from our parents' generation are just like this. It takes time, but i'm hoping mine will eventually accept it. In the meantime, it's clear that I have to walk a fine line between being me and avoiding hotbutton issues they are just not ready or willing to talk openly about yet. Chances are they will try to guilt you into being straight (sounds like your dad's tactic). When they ask you how you're doing, you have to say "I'm doing great!" and make them believe it even if you've just had one of the worst days in your life. You have to make them believe that you are much happier after coming out to them, and i've learned that by doing so, I usually am. :icon_wink Good luck and just feel comforted in that you are not alone.
Temunji and newhere...you guys are both 32 years old...which means your parents are probably 60+ years old...i think you guys need to think about this...your personal life is up to you and none of your parents buisness...if you dont want to tell them anything about who your seeing you dont have too...jesus you guys have your own houses by now and so on...who really cares what they think about you in the long run...you gona let them continue to make you feel bad about yourself? sadly they wont be around forever, but if someone was making me feel bad i wouldnt want them around me at all..
