In a cozy booth in my favorite pub, after three of the most expensive high gravity craft beers I've ever ordered - I managed to tell a friend about my "questioning" and the not exactly conclusive conclusion that I am not straight and am definitely attracted to women. It came out in a frantic ramble something along the lines of: "So. Right... Can I tell you something? (didn't wait for answer) I've realized something...well, decided to acknowledge something about myself that has always made me uncomfortable to look at... Okay. In the last eight months I admitted to myself that I am not straight... And I wanted to tell you. (keep looking at my drink) I don't know what or where I go from there, but I know this much... I'm attracted to women - it's men I'm not sure about. Not even after years of dating and even, in a way, loving boys. I don't know what I'm telling you I am now, but I know I’m not what I always appeared and pretended to be." So there. Someone I know, knows. It isn't "coming out" in the traditional sense, maybe. It was for me, though. Really, I thought I was going to choke or pass out right before I told him. Even now I still feel a little shocked. It will be a while before I want to tell anyone else. I'd rather be more confident first. He was great about it. Especially considering the way I unceremoniously changed the subject from Christmas movies to my major life decision. In the last year I have finally been able to admit to myself that I am not straight. It's a start - I don't know where it ends and intend to let that unravel in my own time. I was so worried that he wouldn't take me seriously because I'm not ready to claim bisexual or perhaps lesbian labels- I really can't see where I'm going right now and am not in a hurry to get there. And however many times I tell myself that labels do not matter - I know that having something more concrete to relate an intimate part of yourself with others who identify with it... That's a good thing when you're ready for it. Words have some power when you can own them in your own way, after all. This friend of mine, who is gay, told me with just the right touch of humor that there are many layers to "coming out," if we want to call it that. He actually made an Ogres and onions reference. Now that I've opened up to this part of myself, I can finally let so many compressed thoughts and emotions unfurl. I'm sick of feeling guilty and awkward about who I feel attracted to (and who I don't.) Maybe now I won't have to work on that in the total dark. So, "not straight" is a big step for me out in the real world. It's the first real one.
Congrats glad he had a good reaction. Dont worry youll figure out what you are in time. But congrats on coming out to a friends its a great way to start.
Congratulations! I'm glad it went so well. That is a big step. Telling someone you trust is really helpful, even if they can't tell you all the answers. I felt so much better once I told someone. I was worried that the first person I told wouldn't take me seriously either. Once I found out she did, I felt less crazy and isolated. I had felt like I was making up my own drama. But now that it's out there it feels so much better.
lol I always tell people that when I told me that "I almost crapped my pants"... I don't know why it's so difficult to say the word "gay" when you first are coming out... It almost like it doesn't wannt leave your throat, because it'll make it official for the outside world. And, yes... You came out as "not straight". That's awesome, dudette. At your age (I'm just 4 years older than you are, just in case), since I hadn't had an obvious crush on a girl (but, I had noticed that I 'looked' at girls more often than boys in the streets... and that some female friends, well... I had that "I want to be friend"/"She's so cool, I admire her... So, I want her companionship" feeling.), but I had had on boys... Well, I considerd myself straight... Even further ahead I kept on rationalizing things. Don't mind labels... You'll be able to figure out some stuff while you keep on coming out. It's ackward at the begining. When I told my sister I felt very uneasy... She was awesome about it, but IDK... I guess it's the realization that I'll be coming out all my life. After a while the "hell, yeah... I'm gay..." feeling comes along. It's very liberating. So, yeah... Congrats, woman... XD :eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap You're on the right track!!! This is awesome!! (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!) (&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)
Exactly - the "making up drama" thing. It's a terrifying idea to deal with when you want to tell someone. That, and the "so what" question behind having it out for the first time. I was afraid that my friend, who is openly gay and had his own intense coming out saga, would take my "not straight" revelation lightly. Thank goodness I was wrong about that, though. He related exactly to the uncertainty, guilt, confusion, and anxiety I have been feeling. Change is change, whether I was coming out as gay or an alien - it's still the first declaration of acceptance I've made. All of this forum stuff... well, helpful as it is, it isn't real. That's the point. I can delete this profile and ignore my attraction to women/uneasiness about men and never ever bring it out. So, really telling someone... from my mouth - that's real. I can't delete that conversation, and I'm glad. I don't feel all that relieved, though. I feel happier, but still pretty clumsy and nervous about owning up to all of this. I know who I would tell next when I feel it's right - but THAT would be a real test. One of my oldest and best friends, call him "Jay," would be extremely supportive and probably pleased to be told... It's so damned difficult to risk your life-as-you-know-it-til-now on opening up. I don't think I could hide it from everyone forever, though. It would be better to have a few friends who know to while I'm taking a long adjustment period in a new city. ---------- Post added 10th Dec 2012 at 08:46 PM ---------- Ahhh, thanks Bee! This is so encouraging. I felt like a caged animal when I came out to my friend - I really, really needed to spit it out. It was like my heart kept pacing back and forth and might leap out of my mouth. (ew) But, still... it's hard to know if you really want out of that cage and into the open. At least it is when you're at the door. There's a comfortable certainty about the way things are inside, and an uncomfortable (and dangerous/exciting) uncertainty about what happens when you come out. And bravo for coming out to your sister. I don't think I'm within a million miles of making my family privy to ANY of this. Not that they would disagree... hell, I think they'd be cool. I just don't know if I want them to know... until I feel more certain. It's funny, but even though I know I'm not going to turn around and march back into straight life (not possible) I feel unwilling to give up that impression. It's going to really rock the boat when I do.
Congratulations, that's awesome! A little liquid courage always helps. I was drinking when I told two of the four friends that know. I can relate to your feelings toward EC. None of it means anything if we don't use the advice we are given.
