I'm 31 and a bisexual woman. I was married to a man for the past few years which ended during the summer. It's better for everyone even though it was hard. I loved him very much but he is polyamorus and I am a monogamus person. After fighting it for a long time, while away in France something changed inside me and I knew I had to leave. Since then I have fallen in love with a wonderful woman. I met her about a year before my marriage ended and tried everything to convince myself I could stop having feelings for her. But they revisited again and againand eventually I ended up working and living with her in a dorm for a week just as my marriage was ending. We were in a car together and she spoke to me about her feelings for someone else and being rejected. I knew it was now or never so I blurted out how I felt about her. She was amazing, and I thought so calm (she later told me she nearly crashed the car!). Mainly I remember her saying what a huge compliment it was. Then we arrived back at work and went our separate ways. A few days later, we went out partying with everyone in work to the local pub. We all played pool, danced to music on the jukebox. And one of the guys started lining up shots at the bar. Let's agree I was very drunk by the time we walked out of there, and so was she and she waited for me. We walked together and ended up sitting together on a bench in the wind and rain. We talked for ages and then kissed. And again and again we stopped in the storm to kiss on our walk home and we cuddled beside each other all night. From then on we've been kind of inseparable. The more I know about her the more I want to know. So after being with her for a few months I wanted to tell the people I love that I am in love. MY friends have been no problem and are delighted for me. Though my ex was so ignorant and said he was happy it was a woman. Why do some people think a same gender relationship is less?! Anyway. But my family, oh boy, that has been so difficult. To the point that I woke up crying tonight. I told my mom first. She is the matriarch and I am quite close to her even though we are very different people. She keeps our family in touch (we live all over the world) and I hoped she would find a way to accept me for who I am. Maybe I should mention that I have been chronicly ill for the past 2 years on and off with no diagnoses and after my marriage ended I moved to a house my mom and dad own. It's a bit depressing not being able to work So I guess my new relationship is where my life is at its best at present. I feel so lucky that the person I fell for returned my feelings! Anyway, so I told my mom in the evening about a month ago now. We talked about it that night and it looked like it would be ok. I was so happy. The next day she said she didn't want to talk about it and that I wasn't to mention it. It was a step back but I decided to give her space to deal with it. So I've been living 2 lives. One where I am out and its no problem and the other where I can't talk about the best part of my days. It's like walking on hot sand, I want to get to the ocean but its too painful! Last night, myself and my mom had a few glasses of wine and I tried speaking to her about it again. She refused and started sobbing and holding her head in her hands. I've never seen her so upset. I didn't know what to do. She told me she hoped it wouldn't last and that I've gone peculiar. I asked her what actually upset her about the situation but she wouldn't or couldn't answer. She told me that she's been feeling suicidal. I know its not my fault but I still feel guilty. And don't know how to help her. I don't know what to do from here but I know I don't want to live here anymore. I guess that's the next step. It makes me so sad, angry, depressed that its turning out this way with my mom.
