A year ago today, I didn't start coming out, but something happened that threw me in that direction. Just thought I'd share. Here's part of my journal entry for Dec 28, 2011: "Today has been pressing upon my mind. The night before I ... shared some drinks with Donovan, Carson, and Jordan. ... Then we woke up and went to Chicken Chef. Donovan joined late. Eventually the conversation turned toward girls. It wasn't long before they asked me if I was pursuing anyone. I very nearly confessed to having no answer--which is the truth. Rather, I allowed them to believe I was hiding the identity. "I was flushing at the mention of 'being gay' or 'loving someone without a vagina'. I feared they would conclude as much. All the while, I insisted on not telling them who my 'crush' was, the ghost of my imagination. She does not exist. "This shook me, like a few other times in the past. I prayed on the way home for guidance. The other three were frustrated and perhaps insulted at my resoluteness. After all, it is common to speak of such things with your close friends. But how would they respond if I told them I have same-sex attractions? Would things get awkward? And besides, on a few occasions I have denied the charge in off-hand ways. In short, I've lied to them before on this matter. "All I know for sure is that the time is short. This all happening faster than I expected. The day of reckoning will come. I suppose it would be a tremendous relief, not having to 'live a lie' or such a thing. Yet, there would be difficulties. Again, what if I lose my friendships or they become awkward? What if I'm branded and labelled?" It did shake me, and I spent all of January preparing to come out, as a New Year's resolution, eventually starting on the 31st. Everything was fine with these guys once I got around to telling them. Things have changed so much. Don't regret it at all!
That's awesome bud, congrats! How have things changed? For the better or worse? I came out to my best friend recently out of the blue, no resolutions or anything, but my resolution for this next year is to come out of the closet to my family and my best friends family, they both mean the world to me and to have them get my back is very important to me. Any advice to a closeted gay guy thats trying to come out?
Things have changed for the better! Almost all of my close friends know, and more, and so does my immediate family. They're supportive and there's no question that I've grown closer to many of them. You hold a lot more of yourself back than you might realize until you step out into the world and breathe. There are still some other parts of my life which might be more tricky, but that's what 2013 will be about. It's a completely different world than the closeted world, that's for sure. Just being able to openly talk about that part of yourself with somebody (as you'll hopefully see with your best friend) makes you feel more human. So make sure you get around to that! So if you have a good sense about the two families, then figure out a decent time to tell them. The timing doesn't always have to be perfect, just good enough to talk about it afterwards. These people that you already feel close to will more often than not embrace you without question! They already like you, right? You're completely right to start up this tight-knit support network first. You get a lot more confidence from them. And while talking about it in person is the best IMO, it doesn't have to be that way, depending on the circumstances or who you're talking to. (But if you need practice, just start saying "I'm gay" out loud to yourself.)
That's really great to hear that things got better. I already told my best friend and actually talked to him about his family and he's like the only person that is be worried about is my dad.... And I don't want things between his dad and I to change, we've been really getting along and I pick him up from dialysis 3 times a week so if he were to disapprove of my lifestyle and who I am then it would really be a blow. And I feel the same way about telling my dad but I'm not sure, he's a supporter of lgbt rights and is a big progressive democrat that listens to Stephanie Miller every morning (lesbian sexy liberal lol) Since you have been out, have you met any one or have found it easier to meet other guys? I'm very inquisitive when it comes to this stuff because I'm scared and need confidence before I come out, so I hope you don't mind me asking you questions on your thread lol ---------- Post added 28th Dec 2012 at 01:40 PM ---------- By the way, I love Canadians and think they're just the nicest and coolest people lol, just had to throw that out there, dontcha know.
Totally fine! If you're not sure about his dad, there's nothing wrong with waiting. Just keep helping him out (which he's probably very grateful for) and get a better feel for him when he's with you. As for your dad, I know how it feels. He sounds almost certainly supportive if he's a Democrat listening to Stephanie Miller . But it's still "my Dad", right? What I ended up doing was telling my Mom and Dad together. I didn't want to single one of them out as the "later" person, and it made it way easier to tell Dad too! Could you try that? It's been way easier to meet guys! For one, when you're more out, there's less internal pressure and I suspect it wouldn't feel as sneaky haha. But you can also talk about meeting guys more freely with the people who know, and then there isn't this extra problem of covering your trail whenever you're meeting guys. Recently I've been talking to someone in my choir who's gay and started talking to me when he found out that I was too. Little things like that happen! Also, thanks! I'll try to live up to that reputation. And while we're at it, I love Americans too.
