I'm ready

Hey lot,

So. I guess everyone here knows what they go through before coming out to their parents. I contemplated on how I want to do it. But, I don't think there is anything wrong with a letter, so that is how I'm going to do it. Coming out, is for me and it is a personal thing, but is it wrong to also use it as a gift for my parents? My intuition has been screaming at me to tell them the past few weeks, and I literally just had enough of my emotions talking to me, that I jumped out of bed at 3:30 in the morning to write the letter. I feel like if I don't write it, it'll never happen. And amazingly, now that I have written what I want to say, I feel OK. More than OK, I feel good.

I don't know why I felt the urge to share with you guys, but you were there for me when I told my best friend, and it was good knowing I had you. If it's OK, I'd like to share the letter I'm going to give them, possibly as early as later today.

Thanks all. :icon_redf

Mom and Dad,

So, here it is. I never gave it any thought until this past year how it was going to happen. Truthfully, it was easiest for me with you not to think about it at all. Hell, me writing this now, I have no idea what I’m going to say next, so I just hope you have the courage to read the entire thing.

It’s 2013. I’m turning 26 in three months. I live here at home with you because I've had no direction and I've been afraid to venture out on my own. I've been a shell of myself since I can remember and although I’m being a bit of a coward writing this, I don’t think anyone knows how to properly say it. I've had enough practice with friends, but it’s still too awkward even then.

First Mom, I know your health isn't at its best. But know that you are the strongest person I know. You’re fearless and you alone are the reason I have the courage to confront you and finally come clean about what is sure to be the worst kept secret in our family.

Secondly Dad, I know our relationship isn't what you may have planned. Fuck, you piss me off more than any person I know. But you know what? You’re my father. And I look up to you. I may not give you everything you want as your son, but I have come to truly understand that now is the best years we are going to have together, because tomorrow is never guaranteed. I don’t want to lose either of you with any regrets.

As my hands tremble writing this with anxiety and fear, you’re both my parents and you have always encouraged me go be honest with you. But first, it was necessary for me to be honest with myself. I spent the last year sharing my deepest, most inner secret with my closest friends, and have had the opportunity to life my as openly as possible with being a gay man.

I have never loved another guy yet, I have never had the opportunity to. I have lived my life in fear of the opinions of what you and everyone else thinks. I’m tired of being ashamed of my mother dancing around Walmart pretending to be the gay guy who she apparently hates so much to make an ass out of herself in front of her own closeted gay son or the complete strangers around her. I’m tired of walking out of a room when something related to gay people comes on the TV because of how it makes me feel awkward of what you think or what you’re going to say. I hate my parents for not caring enough never to use the word fag around anyone, never mind another gay person.

I've finally grown up. I know who I am, and I have an idea of the life I want to have and peruse. I love my parents, and I want nothing more than to have genuine love of the person of who I am; me. I've had my lifetime to accept me. Something a lot of people will never understand. I don’t expect you to be OK with this. But, I’m OK with giving you time to. I only ask that you try to accept me. Love me for who I am as your son. I’m a confident young man who is ready to start living his life as it was meant for me, without hiding and being ashamed. I have some awesome friends who have shown me the meaning of life, and I can’t wait to experience it.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed, and you need to live life without any regrets. At least if anything happens tomorrow, I won’t have this.

I love you both, more than the world.

Graham.
I did it.