To my partner. Doesn't change me. I think to many people have that thought process. That when someone says something so drastic that they change. My words have not changed, how I feel has not changed, and who I am has not changed. To me in our relationship it's about how we feel, not about ones label. I fell in love with them because they were my equal, my intelligent equivalent. They were something that I was not. I see them and admired who they are. Love them unconditionably. Telling them doesn't change that fact. I used the metaphor of a peanut butter jar. You have a peanut butter jar and you clean it out, it no longer has peanut butter in it, instead you use it to store dried kidney beans. It's true when someone says "Go grab the peanut butter jar with the kidney beans" and it's also true when someone says "Go grab the kidney bean jar" But that doesn't change the nature of the jar. The jar is still going to hold stuff. The jar is still carrying something. Would you truly throwaway a jar because it looked like a peanut butter jar, but had kidney beans in it? Would you say the peanut jar was lying? Does that truly change the charasterics of that jar? Imo, no. The colors are all the same. The way the jar behaves is the same. Is the outside appearance all that truly matters?
Ok....I'm just going to be honest here. If I were to start an online dating relationship with someone, under the assumption that they were male, and they later told me that the were female. I would have major problem with that. I would never shoot him/her down and when it came down to it I would definitely be there for them and still be very close friends. But the fact of the matter is, I'm not pansexual. I'm not bisexual. I am literally 100% homosexual. Sometimes people who are bisexual/pansexual, forget about the idea of 'sexuality'. They think "oh it doesnt matter to me, I am attracted to personality." Everyone has an orientation. If someone simply was attracted only to "Personality" than logically they could find themselves attracted to a child, a family member, etc. Our unconscious minds do a lot of work in the individuals we are attracted too. So while it may seem like the physical realm doesnt matter, it actually does. I hope that your partner takes the information well, I am rooting for you. But at the end of the day, you cannot fault her if she doesnt. We all have biological/nuerological preferences in our minds. Some are just more linear and specific, while others are more broad.
I was introduced as male by her brother, at the time it was an online persona. My profiles are set as the default gender. And as someone said on my word wall, my words are male, and my avatars are male so they see male. Not that I say I am completely male 100% or that I am 100% female.
Oh, I'm saying that you did anything wrong. Its just that if she was under the assumption that you were male and later found that not to be the case, than yes it could change some things. I couldnt be more empathetic of you. I have plenty of individuals close to me that struggle with their gender identity, are transgender, or have chosen not to indentify as any specific gender group. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with that, but it would be best to make sure your partner is aware of this if you are going into an online relationship, if you want to be completely safe. Its often far from easy, but its the best way to go about it. If she decides not to continue the relationship, she cant really be faulted for that. Even if you never specified anything, you were aware that she had assumed you to be cis-male. I'm just saying it would probably be better if you explained it to her in the begining. Regardless, I still hope you guys can get through it.
