Hey guys. I'm already out, it was more like someone learning this, but it still made me excited/nervous. I found my lesbian cousin on Facebook, whom I haven't been in contact with since Myspace went out of style. I always thought she was cool. Kind of scared to tell her I'm bi because I didn't want a bad reaction, as you all know there is a large amount of biphobia in the gay community. At first it wasn't that great, but we then got on pretty well. I tried to explain a couple of things about bisexuality and I think her words were just read wrong or something. The only other mutual friend we had is my brother, she said she is slowly adding family and trying to avoid lectures. I wasn't even sure myself how my brother felt about this, but apparently he's cool enough with her. She said he's jealous that she can girls and he can't. Anyway, it's crazy to think this is actually happening. I have wanted to talk to her for years. And now I'm out and can and have and now I have a contact in the family who can tell me more about how others in the family feel. She also knew my other cousin is gay, and said he told her when she came out to him. And said he would probably tell me if he hasn't already. And he hasn't. She was kicked out by my aunt, her grandmother, when she was outed. What's even sadder is this is the aunt I always got along with so well. She's even on my friend's list. I knew she had reacted badly, and that my cousin no longer lived with her, but I didn't know she had been kicked out. Jesus. I don't have many jolly feelings for my aunt right now and kind of want to get into it with her. Not that I will. Well, it was nice to talk to her again, not sure if she felt the same way. As you can see I do not posess the ability to say things in few words. Now, right now my head is foggy and I can't think well. Why don't you tell me how I should approach my other cousin about this? Should I at all? I don't want to creep him out, but we talk online sometimes and we've always talked ALOT. He's a cool cousin. What makes me sad is that he's forty years old and has to hide this from our family. He deserves to know one more person for certain supports him right? I could come out to him myself, but that's not really necessary since I consider myself open, post LGBT+ related things occasionally and have my interested in set right. Just no one's noticed so. (That I know of.) And he's never said anything to me... even though I kind of wish he would. But I understand. He can do what he wants. I'd just like it to be in the open I guess. And also, I'm not sure I want to be that person who asks someone if they're gay.
Even though you are sort of open on Facebook, it's possible he hasn't noticed. If you come out to him explicitly, it will open up the conversation. That's what I would do. Or you could be totally direct and honest, and say, "I came out to our cousin X, and she says you will probably come out to me if you haven't already. But I guess she sort of made it unnecessary. I won't tell anyone, so don't worry about that." My guess would be that he hasn't noticed your "interested in," or that, if he has, he thought it was just a joke or something. A lot of people don't take facebook very seriously.
I agree with Ianthe. If it were me, I would probably say something to him. As you said in your post, I'm sure he would appreciate having someone else who supports him in the family.
There can be a little bit of ... I don't know, distrust? From my limited experience the discovery of bisexuality is usually met with the belief that you're a straight girl who wants to fool around with girls or you're a lesbian in denial. There are a lot of stereotypes floating around regarding those who are bisexual, and not all of them are pleasant. It's a bit like coming out as gay in most communities. You get a few who are completely accepting, those who don't really understand, those who don't care and those who are hold negative views. Any of these can be outspoken about it, but the negative opinion is that which makes one of the more lasting impressions. For me at least. I have no advice for the OP as I think everyone else has said everything I thought much more succinctly than I could ever hope to.
Hey guys. I can think more clearly now, and I think I will send him a message. My mother told me before that he came out as gay a long time ago, my aunt told him maybe he just thinks he's gay. We are a hillbilly family, so family is close and important to us, which makes this all even sadder. What I am worried about, is if they have pushed him back into the closet and perhaps into denial himself. So if I brought this up, it would open up bad feelings. My other cuz says she doesn't think this, that it's just family, so that's what I'm hoping for. Even though it's still sad. He has this friend, who could easily be mistaken for his girlfriend if you didn't know this about him. And my cousin, she said the family ignored him when he came out. He's an interesting fellow, so let's hope this turns out okay. The other thing is, news of my orientation hasn't blown up yet in the family. So if it IS a bad reaction, it could light that flame. That's not a total deal-breaker for me now, just a concern. Thanks for the replies guys. It's so funny that these are the two cousins I got along with the most, and they both turned out to be gay. Worried about my aunt though, how sad. I've said "sad" so much in this post. DEPRESSING.
