Hello, EC. This is story. Some of this happened so long ago that it feels like another life, or that it happened to someone else entirely. I live in the great American south. I love our food, our weather, our history and culture, and am proud to be from here. Sadly, we are also known as "The Bible Belt" for a reason. Even little towns that are nothing more than a blip on the radar have numerous churches. We are predominately Southern Baptist, who are to Christianity what the Tea Party are to Republicans. Some people say they knew they were different for as long as they can remember, but that wasn't true for me. When I hit about 13 years old, my hormones were going off about other men and it really hit home for me when I was in New Orleans's French Quarter with my family and saw a gay porno magazine in a little bookstore. It was like, "Yeah, this feels right to me." I was in high school before I started telling the people I considered my closest and most trusted friends. Except for one or two, all were accepting and life went on as it always had. This led to me having my first boyfriend when I was 16, and I felt great. In hindsight, it was that first love puppy love spiral, but he meant everything to me back then. All should have been great... Until I was found out by my family. I was pulled out of school, forced to break up with my boyfriend, and was shipped off to ex-gay camp. That was the worst three weeks of my life. They taught me to "pray the gay away" and deny everything about myself. All so Jesus (in whom I do believe) would let me into heaven. It was even worse when I got back home. Thank God I was able to graduate early and go to university a long ways away. Nowadays I'm much older, still gay, and slowly coming out again. The real monkey wrench in this is that all of my old friends have moved on. I haven't seen a person from that phase of my life in years and have no idea where they wound up. In one last attempt to "straighten myself out", I dated a girl for most of 2011, and really I think she knew since the lack of sex in a 10 month relationship really tipped her off. Now I have to deal with explaining having a girlfriend when I tell people who I am. Ugh. I swear the only thing that keeps me going is how much I love my job, my one straight female friend who is my bestie, and our frequent trips to the nearest club tat...ahem, caters to gentlemen. So, dear friends, let us call this my "Came-Out-Pushed-Back-In-Now-Slowly-Outing-Again" story.
Sorry to hear what happened to you, it must have sucked pretty bad to get that sort of treatment from your family. As for now you it seems like you have a chance to remake your life the way you want it to and it's probably best to let your girlfriend know before things get a little more serious and you'll make a mistake that you'll regret later so if you want to start living the life you want you have to end things with her and who knows maybe she'll be OK with it and you two might end up as friends. Good luck and have a happy life
I am so sorry you were treated that way by your family. It is never too late to start over. Trust me, there are many kind, caring, and supportive people out there. They will find you.
Well, just to clear up one thing: I am no longer dating that girl. We broke up in late 2011 and we haven't seen each other since. I never said I was gay; just ended the relationship and moved on. The only thing still sticking is that while I want to tell my new friends and co-workers who I really am, they all know I had the girlfriend for so long.
