Hi everyone! My first post on here. I've come out to several close friends in recent years & thanks to having chosen great friends, it has always gone shockingly well. Haven't lost a single friend and have noticed virtually no change in any of our friendships. Fast forward to this past Friday, I went to stay with a friend that I met this summer & who I recently developed a little crush on. I've always thought he was gay as do all of his friends that have known him for years (none of whom know about me.). I took some booze with me and after we were both pretty well primed, I brought up the subject (I honestly don't remember how) and he told me he's straight and even said he wished that he wasn't because it would open up the possibilities for him. He was very cool about it and apologized for not being interested & even offered to take me to gay bars. I was mortified by my error, and was certain I'd be outed to our mutual friends that were his friends first. I didn't sleep a wink that night. The next am he noticed I was acting odd & asked if he'd done something wrong. I told him no everything was cool, but later asked if he was just being nice, or did he not remember the conversation, he swears he doesn't remember anything we discussed. I personally still think he's gay, but just not interested in me and didn't want to tell me that. I've kinda decided to stay clear of him for a while so as not to risk my crush turning into more than that (which is a very real possibility cuz he's adorable!). Anyway that's my first post
Well the saga continues... got a text earlier tonight ( that I just noticed) that he'll be in town this weekend. I'm refraining from responding until I have my wits about me (just got home from a bar.) I really don't know what my next step will be, but it will not include me deluding myself that there's something here that really isn't.
well it happens , basically i feel when we adore someone with all our heart we want him to be gay but it isn't necessary that he would be so but i second your decision to maintain a little distance from him , thats what i did when the same situation occurred to me but there are consequences which include that being away if you think about him most of the time the feelings would eventually grow so with being at a distance try to move your thoughts away too
Thanks for the responses Kay & secret love. I think I'm gonna stick with my original plan and keep a little space between us for a while. That's what I say now, we'll have to see if I can actually follow thru with it. Thanks again!
Well I'm probably a little more than 12 hours from finding out if I'm going to be outed to people I reeeeally don't want to be, and from finding out how far beyond the initial group it goes. This could get really ugly really fast & I haven't worked out my response yet, but I don't think anyone is going to be happy when it's over. Here's hoping that I chose this friend as well as I did all the rest, but I'm not at all confident about him.
Dude why don't you talk to your crush and remind him about the conversation you had? Tell him please to keep it private until you are comfortable divulging it to your friends. Don't avoid him and just hope he treats your secret exactly as you hope.
It occurred to me that this is all posted in the "coming out stories" section, and might be misrepresenting my coming out story as a whole. So I feel the need to clarify that not just some, but ALL of my coming out experiences to date have been nothing but positive. Some of which were very, very scary, but turned out to be far more positive than I would have ever dreamed. I just wanted to be sure that I wasn't scaring people out of coming out. This circumstance is a bit different because I'm dealing with someone I've known for a relatively short time, who I only came out to because I was both drunk and attracted to him (and he gave me all the signs that he was interested as well.) Just wanted to be clear that it's not always like this. ---------- Post added 19th Jan 2013 at 01:57 AM ---------- Well Soul kitchen (cool name btw) that's normally what I would do, but if he really doesn't remember, I would prefer not to remind him. ---------- Post added 19th Jan 2013 at 02:18 AM ---------- I dunno why my reply to you was appended to my last post, but here it is again: Well Soul kitchen (cool name btw) that's normally what I would do, but if he really doesn't remember, I would prefer not to remind him. You see the dilemma? He already rejected me, so there's no reason to remind him of something he claims to have no knowledge of. I did respond to his text as well, but indicated that I probably wouldn't be out this weekend. Totally not true now though, if he calls I'm there.
Why do people on this site encourage others into no win situations? lol... I mean, let's say he's curious and he wants to try it out. Are you prepared to essentially annihilate your friendship? I mean, I've known people where it works out, but it's a rather story book ending. If you had him in his most drunken moment and he told you he was straight when you made an advance, then I would say the guy is straight. Don't become one of those gay guys that pester your straight friends. I know it's hard, but they honestly don't have the same feelings we have growing up. My best friend Alex is straight but when I met him I was pretty sure he was gay. The moment I clarified my sexuality with him, he did the same, not that I wasn't aware that he liked girls shortly before this time, but I respected what he had to say. You can't expect people to receive your sexuality if you're in doubt about theirs. The best thing you can do is keep a window of communication available for any topic. Alex will come to me with anything because I respect his feelings and you should do the same. If you don't give two shits about the guy, then I think you should just come on to him and see what happens. To me, you're going to be in a screwed position anyway, so the question to ask yourself is whether or not it's worth it. Even IF this guy turns out to be bi curious, he hasn't expressed interest in you that way. So try to preserve your friendship and let the urges subside. It is important to be upfront, I think you did well with that, build on it, but just because a guy is single and seemingly not interested in women at the moment doesn't make him gay at all, he could be looking for something special.
Thanks Pat! Just to be clear, I don't intend to pursue any relationship other than friends with him. I asked, he answered, that part is done. I couldn't agree more that it's foolhardy to try to turn a straight friend into something more. What's the end game there? Even if you do get something going, it's never going to be what you really need, and there's no way you're not going to get hurt in the end.
Well it seems that I haven't been outed against my will. I'm going for coffee in the morning: with the main person that I thought I would be outed to, so I'll know for sure then. I may even out myself to him, wtf I've already run all the scenarios in my head & none of them were horrible (I may need to move to another city, but I wanna do that anyway.) All in all, these last 2 weeks have pushed me further along than I've gone in the last 10 years. So yay me!
I did something similar very recently. Even though it did not turn out the way I wanted...it flipped a switch in me.....I am going to be who I am and quit hiding any longer And I am not moving or going away.......Hope your experience turns out well for you.
Well I believe I've been outed to the peeps I didn't want to be. Though it seems to be OK, I no longer trust any of the people involved. I think the one that I was outed to set the whole thing up. Telling me that he thought his longtime friend was gay & waiting for me to take the bait. I did & trusted his friend, who it now seems betrayed me. I'll do a little more digging tomorrow, but I'm done with both of them now ( unless I'm proven wrong.) I don't really mind either of them knowing, it's the fact that they deceived me to find out that kills the friendships for me.
Well other than a bad cold, I'm doing just fine. Haven't had any contact with either of the culprits, don't mind at all, they're more scared of me than I am of them, so everything worked out just fine. Another example of peace through honesty! Be honest, it rarely hurts as much as you think it will.
OK, met with "the crush" for the first time since January and things went well. I don't have the same feelings as I did a few months ago, they're still kinda there, but not overwhelmingly so. He wants me to come hangout 2 week from now, but I think I'll find a way out of that, no sense in tempting fate. Thanks e everyone for your advice & support!!
