The shackles have been broken, time to take the next step...

Hi everyone, first of all I just want to say how happy I am to have found EC. I feel like I have been scowering the internet for weeks on end trying to find somewhere supportive with a great community and I think I have.

So, after over a decade of confusion, self-delusion and lack of courage I finally came out as bisexual just before Christmas. It was to my cousin, who is like my oldest best friend as we are so alike, and I had an agonizing wait of hours whilst he connected to me via skype (he is working on a cruise atm). Anyway...it turns out he came out right back at me! Nothing could have made either of us happier at that point as we feel like our friendship will hit new levels wen we catch up. I also came out to a couple of other close friends as the ball was rolling now and I felt so happy that I was being my true self.

My dilemma, however, is that I am in a long term relationship and have an 18 month old son. The past few months have found me fallen very much out of love and attraction with my partner and I feel I only love her as my son's mum and a friend. Now that I have realised who I am as a person I just went to spread my wings and fly. The most heartbreaking thing for me tho is leaving my son and also the thought of hurting her. But I know that it is the right and fair to everybody option, it's just been hard to find the courage to do so.

I have been looking for houseshares in my area and have even gone so far as to view a couple so I feel like that is another step for me and my slowly building courage for change and freedom.

Once I came out I feel like the puzzle of my life over the past years has slotted into place and a lot of things make sense and are obviously retrospectively. I know I am doing the right thing by everyone, the hurt is inevitable but it will pass I hope.

I was just wondering if anybody else has had a similar experience, especially regarding a child being involved as it would be nice to feel like I am not the only one stuck in this rut.

 

Thanks for your opinion dalamation and I understand completely where you are coming from there. It's my fault for omitting information, as I had dawn on me during work today. My relationship has been on the rocks for a while as it is and I have been toying with the idea of looking for somewhere to go but it has always been the case of trying to rectify problems and see how it goes, however, it ends up back at square one.

My son is fantastic though and I think the world of him. I feel I am a good dad to him and would continue to be regardless of my situation. I want him to have the best life he can lead and I don't feel that it will be fulfilled with the situation between me and his mum at any rate. We have been distant for a while now to the point where I just think of her as a friend and feel it is unfair to lead her on is this way as a jerk.

It might be part desperation, part self-actualisation that has given me that push to physically going and viewing places now but I would heed your advise to not be hasty if it wern't for the day in day out nitty gritty I endure (not to mention the torture of just wanting to be me and not a mask).