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I did it!!!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by shovelman, Jan 15, 2013.

  1. shovelman

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    As some of you have probably read my Thread "I came out to my best friend and I feel great!" you know my story of how I had to struggle through somethings and how I gradually started coming out to my best friends.

    This deserves it's own thread though as for just a few hours ago I finally came out to my Dad! and as some of you know that this is a huge stepping stone for me.

    well here's how it started, earlier today my Dad spoke to my Mom over the phone about somethings I can't remember the details of but anyways the subject about their divorce came up and so did about my little brother's custody agreement. My Dad came home today rather happy and told me that my Mom would sing over the custody of my little brother to my Dad if he would agree in the custody to let my little brother spend some holidays with her or when ever he had time and wanted to spend time with her and so my Dad agreed. After that we started talking about how this would be a great thing for us to finally get on with our lives with out having to worry too much about my Mom. Of course I didn't feel as happy as he did and not because he got my little brother or anything but because I knew that there was still the matter of me telling him that I'm gay and that would have some kind of impact and things couldn't turn out better as he had hoped.

    As we spoke I told him that we could finally let that worry aside and get other things done and start growing, we got into that discussion and I told him that there have been things in my life that have held me back but before we got any further into our discussion we looked at the time and it was getting late and we hadn't eaten anything so he went and got us food. During his time out I kept thinking how this could be a great opportunity to finally let him know I'm gay but of course I was conflicted about it but at the same time I knew that a chance like this wouldn't show up anytime soon and this cold be the chance I have been waiting for. He got back with food and we ate and proceeded to walk back to my room to pick up where things left of, I brought the subject of how my Mom had hurt the trust that we had shared and spoke about it for a while before we got back to the subject of things that had held us back in the past and he told me how his love for my Mom had held him back in the past from doing other things he would have liked but how he didn't mind because he was in love with my Mom and that's all that mattered to him. I then began to talk about how all of the things that have held me back before all somehow came back to one thing in particular and he asked what that was?, I was a little hesitant but i told "because I'm gay" he then asked "what?" and I repeated my self "because I'm gay" a quickly saw his face turn down as he was reacting on what I had just told him and he asked "how do you know?" I then proceeded to tell him how I've know for years and how and why I kept it a secret when he then asked "does your Mom know?" and I responded with a "No, you're the first family to know but a few of my friends know and they're OK with it... are you?" he was still looking down with his hand over his face and said "I don't know because I don't think that this is natural and that it could be that you're just in a stage of psychology" I then responded almost tearing up "I know you think that but it's just simply not like that" this went on for quite a while. I then started talking about how me not telling them (my Mom and Dad) had affected me and how I distanced my self from people and probable opportunities from the fear of being found out when I wasn't ready yet, this went on for a bit and the occasional question from him about why I did the things I did and if I found girls attractive. Afterwards he asked me not to "give up" and that I should give my self a chance to experiment with girls before "deciding" to be gay or not, even though it bugged me I understood where he was coming from and I told him on the extremely rare chance that I do fall for a girl (I still find some of them attractive but just nothing else past that) then yes that I wouldn't deny the opportunity at happiness but that he shouldn't hold me down to it because that just isn't going to happen and he looked disappointed at hearing that but agreed that he would try to be supportive but that I too shouldn't deny my self the opportunity to fall in love with a girl if it does happen but that it would be fine if it didn't. I started to change the subject a bit to give him a break and we talked about how I wanted to back to the opportunities that I could still go back to and try to fix them and the conversation went on until he had to leave for his half monthly night job and just before we left I hugged him and told him "I love you dad no matter how you feel, I will always love you" he then returned the hug and said "i love you too and I'm happy that you trusted me enough to let me know this and I will always love and accept you no matter what." we both let go and smiled at each other and he left for work.

    Things could have not gone better and I'm happy that he knows now I'm starting see a bright future full of happiness with no more secrets or remorse ahead of us. I want to thank all the people who commented on my previous posts (you know who you are) and to all the people who helped me get through this and I couldn't feel any happier that I am at this moment, Thank you :slight_smile: .
     
  2. PeteNJ

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    Oh man. I'm tearing up reading that. Totally awesome. So proud of you and what you stator for - yourself and your family. Hug your Dad again! Great for you!
     
  3. somemiracle

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    It must be so relieving to be out to your dad :slight_smile: Seriously, well done. That takes some true bravery! Congrats!
     
  4. wilted

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    Awesome story! Glad you were able to come out to your dad. It might take him some time to process it and get used to the idea of you being gay. But, it's a good sign that he said he would love you no matter what :slight_smile:
     
  5. Sayu

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    Wow, such a nice story! :slight_smile: Congrats! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Ianthe

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    PFLAG! You can get him resources at PFLAG, and it seems like he might be receptive to them.

    Seriously, tell him you understand that it's hard for parents and he can talk to other people who have been through it at PFLAG.
     
  7. Naomilly92

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    Congratulations. It sounds like he's trying to come to terms with it, which is good. Either way, it was a better reaction than I got from my dad :slight_smile:
     
  8. Caleb93

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    Wow that's great!
     
    #8 Caleb93, Jan 15, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2013
  9. Vesper

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    Thanks for sharing! Glad to hear your coming out experience went better than you expected!
     
  10. shovelman

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    Thanks everyone, Things are little shaky with my Dad because he's still not used to the idea and I'll I can really do is give him time to come in terms with it and of course I'll be there to answer his questions. The thing is that my Mom is coming to visit my brother and I the weekend after this one and my Dad has asked me if I'm going to tell her, to be honest I'm a bit conflicted about that because I don't trust her quite yet but I also know that if I don't start mending things with her our relationship is only going to suffer even more if she hears it from someone else. So my plan is to have a long talk with her about how we need to start building trust and why it has suffered the way it has and then only if she agrees I will tell her that I'm gay and I'm pretty sure she has an idea but could also be just as clueless as my Dad. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Wish me luck and if all goes right I will be out to both of my parents! :slight_smile: