Told a Christian friend of the family.

I had a crush on my teacher (a man) when I was 7, kissed my first boy when I was 11, so she's not really sure what she's talking about. :] I'm not trying to be rude.

I've always had an affinity towards men and women equally when I was younger. When I got older I had realized that it's more than just looks, it's personality, and a man has a demeanor that women don't have, except for the very butchy ones and that's what made me realize "hey, maybe i'm predominantly homosexual". n_n I don't particularly care for female bodies either, i'm not sure what the deal is with that, but my brain just doesn't respond.

I dunno, I could see myself possibly dating a trans man or a very masculine woman...

---------- Post added 21st Jan 2013 at 10:29 AM ----------

Sorry for posting again, but this bothers me severely: Why does she feel the need to make the claim that "nobody is born homosexual". Does it make her feel better?

It's pretty intuitive what your sexuality is. How do you know? 3 easy questions. 1)Am I attracted to the opposite sex?: No. 2)Am I attracted to the same sex?: Yes. 3)Am I attracted to both sexes?: No. Answer - Gay.

...and even if you're not born with it then why does it matter if you love someone? (i'm pretty closely certain that we're born with it however. I'm not a scientist, but it's just what it looks like to me.)

 

I've been told the same damn thing. If that were really the case, then why would I still be a lesbian over 10 years later when I've tried being with both guys and girls? My whole family is Catholic and everyone says "it's all in your head." Just don't let anyone get you down or doubt yourself. If you know you're gay and are fine with it, then be gay and be fine with it ain't nothin' wrong! Love is love.

 

"You must concentrate, grasshoper. Think "Big Penus"~ *does tiger stance*

 

People will never understand... :/ Either that, or it would take a while for them to do so. We're born gay and that's that. ^_^

 

I think that i will encounter this situation a lot in about 6 months. I am about to go to Catholic school (I'm not Catholic though) anyways, so I am bound to tell somebody there, and i already told one of my catholic friends. She was super supportive but she also said that she doesn't believe in homosexuality, but that doesn't mean i cant. So I think your friend will come around once they figure out that it isn't your choice. My friends didn't bat an eyelash, I'm sure your friend will be O.K. with it in a few days.

 

So homosexuality is like Santa Clause now. x'D j/k

I would seriously ask her what she means though. Does that mean she doesn't support it, or that....
like, idef/k what that's supposed to mean... I think I know what she means, i'm just not sure.

I think you might have worded it wrong, Kadeshiswarmer, lol!
I feel like I've just tripped over my own spinal chord~

 

I am 19 and nearly done with puberty (?) and I sure still find men attractive!

 

Did you ever hear the accusation that homosexuality is an addiction? :eusa_danc You are a junkie, my friend. Lol~

 

Wow... Just wow.

As for the OP, it sounds like your family friend isn't a 1 on the Kinsey scale herself... It seems that LGBT folks in religious denial are the hardest to convince. I have a friend who is very religious but I would swear he's transgender. Unless he loses his faith though, he will deny it and hate himself until the day he dies.

Way to go coming out to your friend, at least she took it without hostility!

-The Seeker

 

Sounds like your friend just needs time to think about it, maybe she's trying to convince herself you chose to be gay. I don't know your friend so I can't speak for anyone but myself, this is just what I am thinking.

 

By trying to help you, your friend has:
1) Discredited your feelings
2) Invalidated your judgement
3) Induced bigotry
4) Diminished her own intelligence
5) Reaffirmed the role of ignorant Christians
6) Antagonized your friendship

 

Yup, that's pretty much the logic of my family. "It's your choice, it's wrong" etc. I've been reading your letter and coming out story with your parents and stuff, and I really feel for you. Your parents sound like mine.

 

Exactly. The "it's a choice" rational or reasoning is losing it's credibility by the day. The religious seem the last to know this fact.

 

Ugghh I know it's so annoying... Just the other day a really close friend of mine told me he doesn't think it's possible for guys to be bisexual, and that no one is born gay... I was like "umm... have you forgotten about something?? or someone??"

Honestly straight people just can't understand it. Even if they aren't opposed to it, all their instincts tell them it's impossible, because they don't feel it themselves... But I mean, I can't relate to how someone can not like girls, but it doesn't mean I think it's impossible...

 

In so many words, yes, she did say you choose it. But saying you can turn it off, that is exactly what she is saying right?

I think that by you saying that you would like her to see something and understand it, you care about this person's opinion and what she thinks about you.

This is a hard situation for you, because you need to let go of even caring what this person thinks. She is not worthy of knowing you in such detail. And she can be damaging to your self-acceptance, and confidence if you buy into her misguided opinions.

I would be friendly, but keep a distance as well, and not agree to discuss your sexuality with her at all anymore. This is a little hard line I know, but this if your life, and your life needs supportive people who understand you, and love you exactly the way you are. She fails to really understand you, and you seem to want to try and change that. You might be beating your head against a wall here.

 

Your story is pretty typical of most Christians. I don't mean in any way to bash Christians. I come from a Christian family, most of my friends are Christians, and I grew up in the church. The majority of Christians I know are truly convinced of their faith and genuinely care about other people. I'm only out as gay to 2 people, but I have been in the process of coming out as a non-Christian to my family and friends for a couple years now. In my experience, the biggest issue has not been that they are judgmental, but that they genuinely care about me and they believe that because of my "rejection" of god, I will suffer eternal punishment. To hear my friends and family express their concern for my well-being is difficult. To look someone in the eye while they cry because they're so worried about you is one of the most painful things I've experienced.

All that to say your experience isn't unusual at all. And I don't think there's much you can do to change the way she sees it. If I were you, I'd just try to avoid the subject in the future.