Hey, fellow member of empty closets! Today I wanted to share my story, and get started on a better life. This is the first time I ever use such a site, and I registered today infact. This will probably be a long read, so I warn you: If you don't have time for a long read, come back later if you wish Also, my english is not too great as norwegian is my first language, but hopefully you'll get through the text with ease. Okay let's get started. It's probably already displayed, but I wanted to reassure for anyone reading this. I am a bisexual male, from Norway. And I am 16 years old (turning 17 in august) I am in the "coming-out" process, some of my dearest friends know the truth, but none in my family does. My goal with this text is to relieve some pressure and maybe get useful feedback and support from the community here. I think it started when I was around 11. One of my first friends which was a boy had just discovered porn between straight people. (sounds crazy, I know) Whenever he used to visit me, he and I would search up porn on the internet without my parents knowing. We hadn't really developed anything like puberty yet, so it was just a new thing we experimented with. Later on, we would both imitate these people in the porn videos, but never going so far as taking off each others clothes. I kind of liked it, but I didn't know if he did. This thing went on for about a year, and it ended just suddenly. We never talked about it, it was just something we enjoyed doing. You could call it "dry-jumping" The porn and dry jumping was out of my mind for 2 years, until I started watching gay porn a lot on the internet, but also porn between straight people. I was 13 at that age, and didn't really give my sexuality a thought. In my mind, this was a normal thing (which is is) It was very clear, that my friend I did those things with 2 years back, was completely straight. He never gives hints about being something else than straight, but who knows. When I was 14, I had a crush on a girl in my class. But I had developed an interest in men. Whenever I saw a cute guy, I told myself not to stare. (because it's rude and makes them feel odd) I never did, but always wanted to. I was/am still scared of male showers, both because I have bad self-esteem and because of my sexuality. It was at this age of my life I started to become self-aware of who I truly was. I became confused, and didn't know what to do. But always kept the secret inside of me. How could I fall in love with girls, but become sexually frustrated by watching gay porn and straight porn? This mentality has kept me the shy person I am today. I ignored my sexuality for as long as I could, but I gradually become more shy and kept staying alone inside of my house having no one at my side. I have always had many friends that are girls, and because of my sexuality, it become hard for me to socialize with boys. This one boy I interacted with at the age of 11, and another one which I share deep interests with (gaming and anime) were the only boy friends I had, and like 10 other girl-friends. ( I feel more comfortable and open towards females) Because I'm not that physically "Playful" guy and some haters I got would call me gay (probably because they were jealous of my 10 girl friends) The problem started when I began my first year of highschool (in norway, you start highschool at the age of 16 through 18) Me and my two best girl friends (who have the exact same birth-date, how insane is that?) made a vow that we would get an awesome group of friends, both male and females, that we shared a deep bond with) Which we did! But now when I had those awesome boy friends, my feelings started to reach their limits after holding this secret in for like 3 years. I got really really depressed and they noticed. Asked me "what's wrong" but I wouldn't tell them at all. Here comes the part everyone waited for. My "coming out" story so far. The first time I came out was on facebook (a few months ago) to an online-friend I had played with in GW1 for 1 and 1/2 years. I was really nervous, but I ended up telling him I was bisexual. And he was okay with it. A week after, I came out to a person I didn't really know, but it was a good friend of my girl friend that had grown up, and we have had a lot of "mature" discussions about life. But a month after, a guy in my friend-circle had a serious conversation with me on facebook. I played word games with him a little so it would be easier to reveal my sexuality, and he guessed that I was bi. He was right. But I had never come out to a guy that I would instantly meet the day after in school, so I couldn't sleep the night that day. I came to school, and he behaved like nothing had happened. It became a little strange, but I was happy. A few weeks ago, I then came out to my 2 closest best girl friends, and they were totally understanding. I kept feeling more secure, and starting to acknowlegde myself. I came out to half my friend-sircle last week, but the rest I will it a secret because I'm insecure about their childish behaviour (this is a hard time for teenagers, so I've had to grow up a little more than many others) Up until this moment, my closest friends know the truth. But I don't have the nerve to tell my family. I am in the process, and my goal for 2013 is to come out completely before 2014 launches. My only concern about my family is my grandmother, which is completely racist when it comes to sexuality. My father is okay with it, as with my mother. I don't know about my twin-sister or older brother though. And I don't want to come out to the whole school yet because LGBT isn't focused around here, and we have a lot of intolerant people running around being homophobes. sidenote: I like boys slightly more than girls. I am currently in search for someone bi guy/gay that can comfort me and just hug me and talk to me about anything. The only openly gay at school is a tall one that have a totally different personality/friend group that I don't know, so I'm not interested in trying that out as I'm very small in height, fragile + socially awkward if not very comfortable with the person I am being with. Opinions? Ideas? What did you think? Was the story too long? Sorry
Any tips on how to come out in a good and smart way? Any tips on searching for gay/bisexual men? A way of comforting myself? I didn't write it in the OP, but after coming out to some friends, I've started to feel lonely and I actually really want a boyfriend to be with. BTW what is your view on my sexuality? I've had crushes on girls, but I'm more attracted to the male body. Ty for reading, and any feedback is appreciated.
If you are more attracted to guys than girls, that's perfectly fine. You could be on the kinsey scale at about 4 or 5. Anyway if you are worried about telling your family, you don't have to. It's not like it's a requirement that they know. I'm not telling my family about my sexuality because I don't really think they need to know. If you want to tell them and you think they'd be okay with it, then go right ahead. If you're worried about your grandmother, then maybe you could tell your family, but not tell her?
I am currently building up courage to tell my family. But I will also tell them to keep it a secret from my grandmother for now. I mean, when my sister got a boyfriend, she got very mad because he wasn't 100% norwegian. That scares me. Thx for your comment, btw.
