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Telling my ex right now.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by jvn95, Jan 21, 2013.

  1. jvn95

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    I'm telling my ex right now I'm gay. It's been 6 months and I think that is an adequate time to wait.

    I'm so scared I couldn't tell her to her face like I want to. I'm such a chicken :frowning2:

    Wish me luck guys this is talking every bit of courage inside of me. She is the biggest obstacle to completely coming aside from my mom.
     
  2. Sartoris

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    Good luck. I hope it goes well and that she'll be understanding. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Shiny Espeon

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    I hope things go well!
     
  4. Anthemic

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    Good luck! We're here for you! (*hug*)
     
  5. jvn95

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    Well great.

    I'm kinda sobbing right now. Someone beat me to the punch and told her a long time ago, when I told them to not say anything to anyone. That's okay I guess, once you put it out there you can't control it. But she said it hurt her that I hadn't told her because she thought we were close.

    I really wanted to tell her first because I trusted her the most. But I didn't want to break her heart more..

    This sucks. I deserve every bit of punishment karma has for me, I can't justify that I hurt her feelings because of my lack of courage.

    I wish I told her sooner. :frowning2:
     
  6. Shiny Espeon

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    That sucks, dude. But don't think that it's bad karma because you didn't tell her. You didn't want to hurt her feelings, so your heart was in the right place. It's not your fault someone broke your confidence by revealing your secret to someone you should have been the first to tell. If anyone should have bad karma, it should be the friend that told her.

    It will all work out for the best in the end. (*hug*)
     
  7. remainnameless

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    Seriously though, it isn't your fault she knew, and the fact that you came out to her before she had to confront you about it is a plus too :thumbsup:
     
  8. jvn95

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    I'm not trying to argue but it really is my bad, I should have told her first like I wanted to. I hurt someone's feelings really bad, that's why she suddenly quit talking to me months ago.

    I feel like I can't trust my friends either now.

    I'm really don't want to sound like I'm wallowing in self pity. But I don't know what to do now, I have to go to school tomorrow and she see her like I do everyday and be with all the people I told knowing I was betrayed.
     
  9. Shiny Espeon

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    Just know that it's not your fault. Right now, it's probably hard to see that. But give it a little time, and you'll realize that you didn't tell her because you didn't want to hurt her feelings, and whoever did tell her is the one who is wrong here. And your ex may be mad, but she can't stay mad forever. When she told you that someone else told her, did you tell her why you didn't tell her?
     
  10. jvn95

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    I did tell her why.

    She said she was already heartbroken from me breaking up with her, and then someone else besides me tells her that I'm gay when she trusted me. Karma did bite me, she trusted me and I broke it, now I have to face that I hurt an innocent person, she really did nothing to deserve that. If I were in her position I would be hurt too, and I would feel betrayed.

    Two feelings I get to deal with now.

    I'm going to bed, I'm sorry I'm bothering y'all on here with my bs. I need to get over this.
     
  11. remainnameless

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    Your fine! That's why EC is for anyways:thumbsup:
     
  12. Shiny Espeon

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    Don't worry about it. If you, or anyone else for that matter, is having some kind of a problem in life, I don't want them to think they are being a bother. I like to help people in whatever ways I can.

    But for now, I can only try to tell you that you did nothing wrong, but the friend who outed you did. And until you see that, you are going to feel guilty. And there is nothing wrong with feeling guilty. Just know that you don't really have anything to feel guilty about. You had every intention of telling her about you when you were ready, but someone you thought you could trust beat you to it. I know that right now, things seem grim, but don't give up hope. If she really had the trust in you she says she did, then she should see eventually that you didn't want to hurt her. (*hug*)
     
  13. Anthemic

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    You are not bothering anyone. If anything, we feel flattered that you trust us enough to share your feelings. The fact that you keep blaming yourself for something totally out of your control tells me how caring and sweet you are. Anyone would be lucky to have an amazing friend like you. I know she is hurt, but she needs to be a bit more understanding. You weren't ready to tell her about your orientation. You were also worried it would hurt her feelings. Her trust should not be broken with you. A lot of people have no idea what it's like to reveal their orientation, especially when it's frowned upon in the eyes of some people.

    I hope you have a better day tomorrow, buddy. (*hug*)
     
  14. jvn95

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    Thanks you guys, I feel better.

    I wish each of you a hug from me!
     
  15. PeteNJ

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    Hey, I'm close to breaking up with my girlfriend.

    Yes, I'm gay. And that sure means (to me) we couldn't stay together.

    But its more complicated. Even if I were straight as an arrow, I couldn't stay with her.

    I'm not sure whether to tell her or not that I'm gay. I don't think she suspects (much!).

    Years ago a girl broke up with me, saying she was lesbian. That sure did a number on my head about being a guy, manly, all that crap.

    Which is why I don't know that I need to tell her that I'm gay when we break up. Of course, reading your story, I realize that she & I have many friends in common, and as I come out, she'll eventually hear it.

    Be glad to have your ideas/ advice. Thanks.
     
  16. jvn95

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    Tell her.

    Just plain and simple tell her.

    As to when and how, that depends on what's going on.