1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Did I make a mistake coming out to my parents?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Ds0893, Jan 25, 2013.

  1. Ds0893

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2013
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Katy, Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    (I do apologize for the ginormous paragraph)


    I recently came out to my parents less than a week ago and when I did they were completely horrified. My father said that he's always known and that's the reason he drinks so much (he is an alcoholic), he said that he still loved me and started apologizing about failing me as a father and tried to commit suicide for the rest of the day (he has tried before and since I do love him so much I did stay with him the whole day to make sure nothing would happen) and he just spent the remainder of the day crying and drinking. My mother said that she loved me just the same but the life I'm choosing to live is not easy and is against the way of god; she later just started acting somewhat normal again but started to cry and pray to god to show me the way and lead me away from the evil temptation I'm seeking. It's been almost a week later and I can still see/hear them crying randomly throughout the day and my father is still acting like I'm not there and my mom is trying to get me to pray to god to make me straight. I'm 19 years old turning 20 and sadly I still really need them in my life but the way they're acting is making me feel horrible instead of feeling better and now I don't even feel the courage to come out to anyone else including my brother and sister. I don't know what to do, I have no gay friends and my best friend tries his hardest to help but even he says, "I've never been through that and I don't know exactly how to help you but I'll always be here", they say they love me but seeing them acting this way towards me is hurting me, I'm no different from how I was before, I'm not acting any differently, I'm not dressing any differently; the only thing that is different is that I chose to be more open to them about which gender I'm attracted to :icon_sad:
     
  2. BearyBoo99

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Narnia B*tches ;)
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    My advice get some great friends. Some parents take alot of time to get used to the idea. You did the right thing, all you can do is remind them that you are happy this way and talk about it with them. Hopefully they will get used to the situation soon.... Just find some mates (if you don't already have some) that respect you for who you are so you don't feel as bad.


    Best Wishes and Huge Hugs!!! Hope everything turns out all right :slight_smile:
     
  3. wandering i

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2012
    Messages:
    332
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MT
    That's a seriously awful reaction to be hit with... I'm really sorry they are taking it so bad. I'm proud of you though and very proud that you recognize nothing has changed about you and you haven't done anything wrong. I hope using this site is easy and comfortable for you because I think there are a lot of amazing people here who have been through what you're going through now and are eager and happy to share their experience and support with you.
    Hope to see you around more and hear more about how things go.
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm really sorry you've had such a difficult time with your parents.

    One thing hits me immediately, and that's the fact that your dad is blaming you for his alcoholism. I hope you already realize this, but that's bullshit, and you absolutely should not believe that for a moment.

    Equally important is for you to find support somewhere other than your family, at least for the moment. EC can be a great resource and I hope you'll make use of it. There may be a gay center near you with meetings for teens and young adults coming out, and that would be a great resource as well.

    I would also strongly suggest finding an Al-Anon or Alateen meeting near you. These groups are for families and children of alcoholics. The family in which an alcoholic lives is inherently dysfunctional, and that's going to further complicate your process of being able to accept and love yourself, and not get caught up in the blame and dysfunction of the alcoholic family. Plus, at al-anon or alateen, you can meet others who will be supportive of you, not just with your dad's issues, but with your mom's behavior toward you, and your issues in accepting and loving yourself.

    Keep us informed about what's going on. We're here to help :slight_smile:
     
  5. AlexisAnne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2012
    Messages:
    800
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Minnesota
    First and foremost, no. I don't believe, even given your parents' reactions, that coming out was a mistake for you. The only way you're ever going to be happy with your life is to be comfortable in your own skin, and content with who you are, and that's extremely difficult to do while you're hiding something of this magnitude. I do agree with Chip on the point about your dad blaming you for his alcoholism. That is total BS.

    It may take some time, but your parents may eventually come around as well. Some of the things that they've said leave me hopeful in that regard. It's a slightly different can of worms, but I've recently come out as Trans, and though the reactions weren't as extreme as your parents, I wish it could have gone a bit better. My mother has been supportive, although she freely admits that she's still struggling with this after a little over three months, and although we can talk about normal and everyday things, I can see the "weirdness" in her eyes when we talk about my personal situation. I've talked to my father about it, and got the sin and God speech, (but I still love you) and we haven't really talked about it since, and when I think about telling him I'm getting ready to physically transition to female, I know it's not going to go well at all. So, on some level I can identify with your situation.

    For me it's all about giving them time, being there, and finding the comfort and support I need elsewhere while I wait for them to come around. I have amazing friends, and my therapist has been helpful too. My advice would be to find some friends, maybe seek out meetings like Chip said, and do what you can to find that support while you wait for your parents to adjust.
     
  6. GayLibertarian

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2013
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I honestly couldn't believe what I was reading, and my thoughts are with you dude. Nobody deserves to go through that kind of treatment, nobody. I honestly don't know enough to say anything considering to my family I'm still "straight", but I wish you the best of luck through this...
     
  7. bingostring

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2008
    Messages:
    2,083
    Likes Received:
    113
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    This is so lame of your father to say this. SO unfair. And damaging. DO NOT accept it.

    Chip has given good advice .. I will not add more


    :kiss: