My name is Adam. I want to have the life I've always dreamed of, to see the world and try new things. I want to be successful in my career and have a family one day. To look back and be proud of myself and see that I might have made a difference; but above all these things I want to be free to love who I want. I'm Gay. I have been for as long as I can remember. I've tried every way I could think to suppress that fact, But I'm not going to try and hide who I am anymore. I'm Gay and I'm actually, for the first time in my life, happy with who I am. I never knew how un happy I was until I could finally see how happy I could be. I have not told my Family. My family means more than life to me and it scares me to even sit here and think of any single one of them walking out of my life because of something I am. For them to say things that will hurt, or worse yet, nothing at all and leave me standing there with nothing. Because my family is in fact, everything. I've never fit in. I've always had an invisible label slapped on my forehead that all the world could see except for me. Letting people know that I wasn't like them. That I was the white, skinny, nerdy, bullied kid that was perpetually cursed to a life of feeling alone. The only thing I ever had was my family. I have never felt like I belonged to anything. I never had the friends or talent or good looks but I've always had my family. I always felt that because I was different than everyone else it was okay to be the kid no one wanted to be because that's what it ment to be me, and if I was that then I had something no one could take from me. My family is deeply religious. Herein lies the problem. To be Gay is to commit one of the worst sins a human being can, nearly akin to murder. How do I ask them to love me still if it will be putting them in such a disposition religiously? How can I ask that of anyone? ---------- Post added 6th Feb 2013 at 04:08 AM ---------- I guess at the end of my long post here, I have two options. One: To tell them -or- two: not. I just needed to vent I guess.
Well, maybe try to hint things to them. Such as make up a story how you have a friend or a coworker, who just came out to you as gay. Just something along those lines. If they react poorly then I would hold off on telling them; but if they seem okay with that then you have a good chance. Also, I guess it depends on how old you are. Are you still dependent on them or not? If you are I wouldn't come out till them till you weren't just to play it safe. Other than that I'm not sure what else to say. I hope everything works out though and if you need someone to vent to you can message me. (*hug*)
I think most, maybe all of us, knew from very early on that we were somehow different. Living with that, while living a hetero life in a predominantly hetero world, screws with your mind (its call incongruence). Your mind is spinning a million miles to try and figure out the unfigurable -- it is what it is and you can't change it. I love the words "invisible label" -- always felt there was something like that for me. I'm going to say, what Niko said ^^^. If you're still at the point where you're living at home and depend on your family, tread lightly. There is so much in the news, every day, about LGBT issues, not sure you need to make up something to talk with them about. Keep posting...
I think this holds true for quite a lot of us. Even though I had no idea I was gay or bi until fairly recently I always felt as though I was somehow different from my straight friends, it just took me longer than some to put two and two together.
You say your family has been there for you, then surely that no matter what happens to you they will continue to be there for you? It's a tough decision, but if you're willing to take the risk.
I had the exact same situation, with religious parents that I thought wouldn't be accepting - they were completely accepting. As I've read on here, and have now experienced - it's different when it hits close to home. People that seemed to be unwilling to be accepting suddenly are 100% there for you. Strange how it works.
Hey Adam and welcome. I think you will find that many people have been in similar situations as your own. I too have always been different and come from a very religious family. I remember that before I accepted who I am, I would pray so that I could be straight. I was so ashamed of this sinful person I thought myself to be. I no longer believe this. I think that God made me how I was meant to be and I think you have reached this point too. But I also know the fear of potentially losing your family. In my culture to be gay is to be a degenerate, almost a punishment from God onto my parents. So like Niko said test the waters, see how your parents reach and maybe wait till you're an independent. And actually, I'm going to wait till I can financially sand on my own two feet before I come out. I hope everything works out and you can find the help you need.
Good plan. I'm 23 and I live on my own in Los Angeles. Family is all in Riverside. I've been financially independent since I was 18. I Moved out and lived in NYC for 3 years before coming back to California. Will do. I know it will. I'm stuck with all the what if's, and that's what scares me. Although I guess it's time to grow a pair (like I've had to do all my life) and get it over with. Life's too short. ---------- Post added 7th Feb 2013 at 11:59 AM ---------- I pretty much want to live by this motto. "It is what it is." My blog I started like 3 years ago is called The art of seeing the invisible. Although I have not posted anything there in FOREVER, except a copy of the OP here. lol I know! I was watching the news last night when my Mother called and I was totally involved in a story about the Gay rights debacle in France. Could have been a perfect time. :bang::eusa_doh:
The thing is, if you never come out to them, you are likely to feel estranged from them indefinitely anyway. How can they love you, truly, when they don't know who you really are? If you come out to them, there is at least a chance that they will accept you for all that you are--either at once, or eventually. But if you don't tell them, they will never have the opportunity.
You sound like a very strong person and able to take care of himself which is great. I'm always curious about the driving force some people have for wanting to come out to parents, especially if they expect a negative reaction. Since you live on your own you can date, hang out with gay people, whatever, if your parents know or not. If a guy becomes important in your life such that you want your parents to meet him that would seem like a logical time to bring it up. Maybe we need that outing to move on with life. I guess that's what I'm wondering if you feel. I'm in a similar situation so I found your post really interesting in trying to figure myself out too. Take care
