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My best friend Outed me to everyone!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by LeannaReece, Feb 12, 2013.

  1. LeannaReece

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    I came out to my friend a bit ago, and I let him know I was "into girls". At first, he seemed a little uncomfortable, but he seemed to accept it. Then, a few days later, I was pulled aside by my mother and she asked if I liked girls. I was floored. I couldn't imagine how she would have figured out, so I asked her how she knew. To make a long, complicated story short:My friend has been spreading gossip about me and has told everyone he knows about my sexual orientation. Including his mother, who is friends with my mother.
    I am furious and deeply hurt and I don't know how to confront him. It's been a while, and he probably has forgotten the whole thing, but I am still fuming at him. His family dislikes me now (they're very anti-gay), and I feel like he betrayed me. I trusted him!
    Has this happened to anyone else?
     
  2. Bree

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    Yes, the other way around--my mother knew that I was experimenting with gender, and next thing I knew one of my close friends was asking about it, after HER mother mentioned it to her. My mom told her friends, who told their kids.
     
  3. unbreakable

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    This guy isn't a friend at all for doing that. I wouldn't even try talking to him other than yelling some obscenities. Seriously. You'll have a better life without him in it.
     
  4. HP7465213

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    I think that if you still want to give him a chance, it would be nice of you to approach him about it. You have every right to be angry at him, though. What he did was uncalled for and can never be taken back. If I were you, I would talk to him: explain how hurt you still are after the event, tell him that you probably can't trust him the way you did before, and see how your relationship develops from there. It may be time to give up on him if he doesn't make an effort to apologize or somehow try and regain your trust
     
  5. BornInTexas

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    I couldn't be friends with him. You should confront him and tell him how betrayed you feel, and how what he did was completely wrong. He isn't your friend, but if you want to give him another chance, tell him your friendship will never be the same. I hope none of my friends do that to me. I will probably just forget them and kick them from my life. Good luck in your predicament, though. I wish you all the best.
     
  6. Luke Matt

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    My worst friend outed me to everyone.

    That sucks even more.
     
  7. photoguy93

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    You mean your ex-best-friend, right? There's absolutely no excuse for spreading gossip like this.

    When I was a freshman in high school, I changed my myspace profile to "gay." I did so because I was trying to own up to it. I didn't have a ton of people on there - it was mainly my friends. Well, my mom calls one day - just like what happened to you. She seems huffy - and told me to NOT do that because there's too many crazy people out there. I had recently been harassed at school, so she probably didn't want it to happen again.
    But she didn't even know how to turn on our computer! Soooooo, I'm pretty sure one of my friends told this woman who told my mom (I know who told my mom, because my mom told me.) I mean, I can't believe it. I wasn't posting "gonna go out and shoot up and have sex with 10 random men tonight :wink:"

    But to anyone who goes through this - they aren't your friends. Don't waste your time with someone who doesn't respect you. Don't buy the whole "well, they don't get it" part. No, it's called they have no decency.
     
  8. Ticklish Fish

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    I'm sorry to hear that.

    Stay strong.

    and get new friends. He betrayed your secrecy...
     
  9. Tiny Catastrophe

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    That's a terrible thing to do and he is NOT a friend. You trusted him with something very personal and he betrayed that trust. That's horrible. Sometimes, depending on what the person did, I go at it from the revenge angle but I know that isn't smart and doesn't really solve anything.

    I went through something kind of similar. I had a best friend for 16 years and he went through my personal things and found out I was a lesbian (he thought I was only bi) which was a problem for him because he had feelings for me. I told him I was still a bit unsure and that I didn't want him telling anyone. He decided to tell his ENTIRE family and his MOTHER called me and yelled at me for being gay and breaking her son's heart (although I had told him over the years that him and I were NEVER going to be together and that all we could ever be is friends).

    I solved that by cutting ties with him completely especially since at that point he was trying to sabotage my relationship with my girlfriend. Some people are just not worth having in your life and sometimes it takes something difficult for you to see someone's true colors. I would just cut him out of your life completely. He is not someone that's worth talking to since he clearly didn't care about your feelings. Just cut him out and focus on figuring out who you are.
     
  10. derrik

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    folk there no good reason for "friend" to out you. lets mark this up to that person's own insecurity or lack of character
     
  11. jackiebox101

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    I'm so sorry this happened to you. Just pray to God and he will help u along the way.
     
  12. KillTheLights

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    This is horrible.
     
  13. Asari

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    I'm so sorry! My sister has been outing me to my whole family too and it's really hurt me. This guy does not sound like a friend. What a horrible thing to do to you.
     
  14. ChandlerCurious

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    I don't think I could move on from this friendship = over!
     
  15. Carm

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    Yes. My mother outed me to everyone. I do mean everyone. She went to church bawling her eyes out, and so did my dad, who is the choir director. The whole choir asked why they were crying, so they told. Then my mother proceeded to call everyone in her address book, including my personal friends, and tell them I was gay and needed prayer. She also called the heads of different organizations, such as churches, prayer groups, etc., and asked them to spread the word. Literally, she asked them to announce it over the pulpit or put it in their bulletin. So my mom basically outed me, directly or indirectly, to 1000 people or more.
     
  16. photoguy93

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    ..... My gosh. You should go in there and be the gayest thing ever. I'm saying - make Liberace look like a football player. (Or flip it, and be so butch..... either way, it would be so great to mess with them....)

    Just kidding. But seriously - I hope you've handled that well. I couldn't imagine.
     
  17. wandering i

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    Both Leanna and Carm- unbelievable behavior from them. Absolutely awful. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.
     
  18. LeannaReece

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    Thanks Wandering. This "friend" actually just dumped me (probably because of my orientation) and I haven't spoken to them since. I feel better knowing they're out of my life, but still sad that they outed me and for some stupid reason I still miss them.
     
  19. FemCasanova

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    I think it is very natural to miss people who you have felt close to, even if they do something terrible. It will pass, and you`ll find new people who deserve to have a place in your life. Think of him dumping your friendship as a gift, it allowed you to be rid of some toxic waste with zero effort. Those people do not deserve the right to be your friends, and you are better off with some space to fill with more worthy individuals. It may take some time, but we are here for you! And you were brave coming out, even if this guy doesn`t see it, and doesn`t realize the kind of trust and courage it showed.

    (*hug*)
     
  20. Formality

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    I would probably want to beat the shit out of that person. I couldn't take such a betrayal from someone without becoming furious. I say revenge is the best solution. He should get to know how you felt when he betrayed you.