I'm in a bit of a mess. I've been struggling with myself for years, and not a month ago I came out as gay to my boyfriend, upon which he outed me to a heap of our friends, and threatened self-harm if I left him. He has told me he will 'help me through this' and we can 'work through it' together. I don't know what I can do to make him understand I can't change. I'm not even close to being ready to be out, and I am afraid to talk to anyone. I don't know what I'm looking for here, perhaps, how I can turn this around? I want to feel in control of myself, and part of that is facing up to those who know - I have never been more afraid of anything though. Please, any advice will help.
Uhm, I am not out yet, and that being said, I obviously have no experience whatsoever to support what I'm gonna sat next. But I guess you should just have the courage to face people again, as the real you. This will show who are the ones who are worth keeping, the ones who will still be a part of your life. At least, now, you do not have to live a lie.
What a boyfriend... All kidding aside. Keep your chin up high. Don't let anyone try and change you, since you can't change. I've only recently started coming out. You will be surprised at how much support you will possibly receive. Let your boyfriend know that there is no changing you. Did you make him swear not to tell anyone, and he told people anyway? Sounds like a real jerk. I wouldn't hang around him anymore. (*hug*) I am here in case you want to PM me and vent.
I've never had a bf and I frankly would worship the ground he'd walk on if he'd date me BUT for him to threaten to self harm if you left him sounds frankly manipulative (if it isn't he is TRERRIBLY insecure) Coming out when your not ready is shit(from my experience anyway) You here the cliches of it gets better. I'm open to more or less "who matters" and I am very open to them but I'm not 100%ok with Being gay. Evolution is constant (without sounding pretentious and preachy) when you're ready you WILL know. I did and I'm an uncertain insecure fuck
This is awful! Ignorance is very hard to change. You're you, not some "perfect girlfriend" that your boyfriend can just change when he pleases. He has to see that. I would tell a counselor about his self- harm threat. These need to be taken very seriously, but you shouldn't have to feel responsible for him when you're just being honest with him. Best of luck! Support is always here!
You know it's amazing just what people the people we love and trust will do when they're scared of being alone. It's like people just aren't made to be able to handle that. I'd be pretty pissed off and terrified too if I were in your shoes. I just wanna (*hug*) because you did not deserve that. Maybe think about coming out yourself to someone you trust? Just an idea, I know if it was me that would make me feel like I had a little more control and at least one person I knew was on my side. All of this is way easier to get through with friends. You're awesome for being honest with your BF. You did the right thing. Feeling bad about yourself or guilty isn't going to change who you are. This place helped me a lot and it's still helping today.
How strange it is that comments from strangers can help! Unfortunately there is more to my situation than what I've said, which while irrelevant to coming out, has filled me with doubt about who I can trust (on top of which, as sunnii elegantly put it, I'm not 100% okay with being gay). I have found someone to talk to though, and just airing my thoughts has made a huge difference. I still feel a little trapped and for wont of a better word, betrayed, but there's not much I can do about it now. Sooner or later the bf will have to come to terms with what's going on. Thank you (&&&)
