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My coming out story

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Danielbrazil, Feb 16, 2013.

  1. Danielbrazil

    Danielbrazil Guest

    First of all, sorry for my writing English!
    I’m from Southern Brazil and I'm almost 24 :bang:.
    Here is a region of European immigration and part of my family arrived in Brazil in the early Nineteenth Century from Germany. I’ve lived most part of my life in the countryside and talking about homosexuality has always been very difficult there. Since I was a child I’ve heard that "man has to be male" (it means: you have to date with girls when you are a teenager…). For many years I had suffered with it. During my adolescence I used to be “Mormon” and I really believed that one day I’ll be “cured”… At this time I was still unable to accept the word "gay". Although I've felt attracted to men, I have never allowed myself to have a contact with any gay guy during this period. It was like a secret that just God and I knew… I was deeply unhappy.
    But when I joined to the university I see that the world was much larger than those limited options that I had been taught during my childhood. Then, with more confidence, I started the long process of self-acceptance of my sexuality.
    My fortune was the books and the fact that I know English. One year before I came out, I’d started to look for movies, support books for gays and families… I took advantage of some moments, when this issue shows up in the family conversations and then I spoke about what I was reading. I took movies to watch with my family where gay characters and couples appeared. I wanted my family acquaints itself with the image of two men kissing!
    One thing that helped me in this direction was the book of E. M. Forster called "Maurice," written in 1912/13. This sweet story about Maurice and Alec enveloped me and I lost all concerns about the fact that I was gay. At the end of the book Maurice says: “Then we’ll do the next thing. It’s a risk, so ‘s everything else, and we’ll only live once.” I couldn't continue to postpone my own life.
    I told my family last year, in March. My mother, grandfather and sister accepted very peaceful. Only my father was reluctant to accept my condition and many times He asked me to keep trying with girls. I answered I didn’t want to keep lying to myself!
    Many people have problem with the coming out, but my problem was after that, when I were already out! For the first time in my life, despite the support of my family and friends, I felt completely lonely. Even surrounded by people, I felt alone...I’ve not had a gay personal friend and all the people I’ve talked about were straight. It was difficult for them understand what I was feeling... The dates started in May and I felt myself more and more euphoric and anxious ... all the time... I met lot of guys; some of them cool others not so much… But I wasn’t prepared to have a real relationship because I was completely insecure and I didn’t know how to deal with a boyfriend. I had been taught dating girls, one thing quite different! It drove me crazy! I was afraid of losing my youth and the opportunities to meet someone...
    During the last decade, the gay rights have become more respected in Brazil, especially after the Supreme Court had approved the same sex stable union. Of course, this is not enough. Where I live is a region with great levels of education and human development, which means it was easier for me to come out of the closet. In many parts of Brazil, being gay is still a taboo. Intolerance is always lurking on the streets and in the absence of specific public services to gays. There are some LGBT NGOs in my city, but none of them are concerned about support for people who are coming out. The focus of these organizations is especially AIDS prevention or very specific agendas. The fact is that there are no support groups for gay youth where I live, there aren’t organizations dedicated to hearing them, promote discussions, etc… This increases the feeling of isolation…
    Fortunately this time went by and now I’m very happy with my sexuality… I’ve met great guys and my family is very supportive! Now I'm looking for some volunteer work in my area that could help young people to deal with the gay life’s difficulties. Naturally, I have much to learn, but I hope to do that by helping others too! :kiss:
     
  2. Sarah1

    Sarah1 Guest

    ohhhh Brazil what a cool country and what a well written post. good luck on your journey. if you can try coming to los Angeles I bet you would be very popular here :slight_smile:
     
  3. Sayu

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    Very nice story! :slight_smile: I'm glad that after all you've been through, you are now happy and comfortable with yourself! :slight_smile:
     
  4. Danielbrazil

    Danielbrazil Guest

    Hey Sarah!
    Thanks for your warm words! I've never travelled to USA... But I'm planning to visit next year... I've been thinking about applying for a scholarship there, so I'll be able to go to Los Angeles, beautiful city!!!!!

    Hugs!

    ---------- Post added 16th Feb 2013 at 02:52 PM ----------

    Hi Sayu!!!
    Thanks!!! :grin:
     
  5. therunawaybff

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    I like your story. You have really good taste in books too!