Coming out to friends

I'm 19, in my 1st year of college and I came out to 2 friends for the first time (on Valentines day lol). It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my entire life. I wasn't sure what their reactions were going to be but I trusted them enough with my deepest secret. The topic came up because I had a date with a guy that I didn't really like but went out to dinner as a friend. As I was telling my friends about how I already knew that I was not going to like him as more than a friend, my friend Danielle asked why that was. We've known each other for about 6 years so I think she might of suspected that I could be bi or lesbian. She was telling me that I should be open about my feeling and take risks. That's why I thought she knew.

I was so nervous about telling them because I knew that this would be the moment that would change everything. For a couple of years prior to this, I was in denial about it because I knew my parents would never accept me and I would never have a normal life if I was gay. Even now, I still have trouble saying it out loud or writing it. So, as Danielle waited for me to explain, I decided to write it on my phone so that she could read it. My breathing was erratic and my gestures were all screaming fear and self-consciousness. By this point, I was a mental mess. It took all my willpower to give my phone over for her to read. She saw how nervous I was acting so her boyfriend, who I've known for 5 years, read the message first. I had my face in my hands as they read it out loud, "I don't like boys". Danielle looked at me and said, "That's it? From the way you were acting it looked like you were going to confess to a murder". I laughed out loud and let the tears stream down my face. They got up and gave me a hug and said that they loved me no matter what and that they were happy that I trusted them with something so important. This secret created a lot of stress in my life and I'm glad that I took the first step. They told me that they had suspected it for some time but never asked because it wasn't an issue. They comforted me and joked a bit about how my date was going to go. I was so relieved about how everything turned out.

After I told them, I decided to tell my best friend, Stacy, who went to a different college. I tried telling her a couple of times my senior year in high school but went it came down to it, I just made some stuff up about my life that was bothering me. Stacy knew something was up, but she didn't pry.
So, the same day I came out to my 2 friends, Stacy texts me and asks me how my valentines day was going and I replied that it was interesting, scary, and liberating. She asked how come and I sent her a huge message that basically covered all the main things that I had wanted to tell her months ago. I told her that she probably guessed that I was bi way back in freshman year and that she deserved a better friend than me because while she was trusting me with all her secrets, I had kept my biggest from her. Stacy was supportive all the way. She sent back a message that said, "I'm glad you told me, and I know you would of told me when you were ready. This won't change our friendship because we've always been there for each other and that's how it will always be". She even knew what I was trying to tell her before in high school, but assumed that I just needed time.

I never would of imagined that it would of being this liberating or easy, but I know I still have a long way to go. This first step with my friends was exactly what I needed and I could not of asked for better or more supportive friends. I'm not sure how it will go with my parents but I'm probably not going to tell them for a while, or until I get my undergraduate degree.

I hope this brought some hope and courage for those who are having doubts about coming out. I was in your exact spot not long ago reading other peoples coming out stories hoping for a better ending than what you're imagining.

Stay Strong

 

@slashlife
Like I said, it was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I can only imagine what it's like for you know. One thing that helped me was that I remembered that the opportunity will arise when you are ready so don't rush it.