Very Anticlimactic

Id known i was gay for several years ever since i was young and found my dads not so well hidden cove of porn and toys. ever since id first seen a vagina i thought yuck btu there was just something... well right about men.Id hid it for most of my life burying myself in my studies , getting to the top of the class and getting bullied for it , but in my mind, at least i was being bullied for this, and not for liking the science teacher.as they years went by i tried harder and harder to be unnoticed. Kinda hard for me since i was so prone to incidents that belong more in a cheesy coming of age novel.

But i tried anyways, since my parents divorced when i was young it was easier for me to move around when i thought that things were getting tough. when i started getting asked questions about why i didn't date i had to try even though the idea was foreign to me , i asked someone that i thought wouldn't mind the company and it went ok i guess , told my dad about dating and ill never forget his first question after i said i found a nice girl. and i quote" Is she black". Nearly spat out whatever the heck he made at the time , wasn't is she nice , how did you meet first question was that. and seeing as how i remember so many other things about my father i knew from then on he was if not a bigot at least a little bit racist. But that is another story.

I eventually lost her because i simply didn't know what i was doing, i remember crying, not cause i loved her but because i didn't know what i was going to do to hide my shame.by the time i became a senior in a new high school after a new move i resolved myself to the fact that i couldn't live in hiding anymore, i didn't like it and it felt cramped in my skin. Started simply spoke to people that looked like they could use a kind ear and gentle arm to hold onto, and eventually i built up my own group of friends, i confided in them my secret and they theirs. I swore to myself if i ever made it to college i would tell my mother , i in fact did make it to college, even though i couldn't afford it and i knew i couldn't either but it was worth the year of personal exploration.

The day she dropped me off i grabbed the last box out of the van, a box of books, i remember cause it was heavy, i always loved books. I could feel my body shaking as i went up to her sitting in her seat door open waiting for her kiss goodbye. it was now or never. I stood there fidgeting as i said "mom, i have something i need to tell you. Mom I'm gay". and with not a change on her face she said"thats nice sweetie, do you mind i have to go now" and she gave me a kiss on the cheek and drove off as i stood there dumbfounded that which i brought to a pinnacle of fear ended well with just acceptance, but i don tthink id have it any other way. :icon_bigg

 

well college was 4 or 3 years ago depending on how you round it so 4 years to her. and it is a big relief to have that out to her. To be honest i think a wee part of me hoped for a negative reaction so i can rebel but eh now i can just sit on my bed eating bon bons and watch my stories (totally kidding). I get along pretty well with my mom. Her wit and my snark can combine in both fun and dangerous ways