Not so much a coming out story.

1. I think has to do with people tell you that being gay is wrong/ different and all we wont is to "fit in" as kids and if you are lgbtq then you don't fit the mold for society and you don't want to lose your friends/family.

2. I don't really think that it's just LGBTQ with this one at all, I think everyone has some thing that they don't like about them self . I got it from the bully's telling you every day that your ugly after while you start to believe.


3. On this I have been thinking about for a long time, should I just come home one day and be like this (insert name here) as I never said I was straight. I have thought about it long and hard and if anyone does not accept it right away it them not me.

Thanks kay.

 

1. I guess it's so difficult because of the stigma society builds up around being gay and the negativity surrounding being gay. We're also partly to blame because we ourselves (not everyone) initially believe it's wrong and want to change it, then when we finally accept it it's just too difficult to tell anybody about it.

2. I think it's natural in today's society to judge and question ourselves, we're constantly comparing ourselves to those that are considered 'perfect'. Being gay has been seen so negatively for many years in both the media and environments such as schools; it's just impossible to not struggle with self-esteem issues.

3. I think we have to come out out in order to be ourselves because everyone automatically assumes we are straight unless they are told otherwise. I mean my parents always ask me about girlfriends and before I came out to my friends I was always asked what girls I thought were 'hot'. Coming our soon dispelled that and I am now able to just talk openly about guys I like - so coming out is sometimes necessary. Maybe in the future that won't be the case, maybe we will be asked what guys and/or girls we like. That's how it should be!

We are completely equal to straight people, but again it's society that has believed for so many years that we are not. I agree, it's definitely their problem and not ours. I just hope that changes (which I believe it slowly but surely is) and that coming out can become something natural that occurs during puberty with no stigma surrounding it. We do tend to make a song and dance regarding our sexuality, but I think sometimes that's necessary in order to change the perception of others.

Not sure if I've really answered the questions or just repeated your points. But there's my opinion on them!

 

1.) I think it's difficult as a whole because we fear rejection. It doesn't matter if the family or social group is conservative or open. That primal fear of being cast out for who we are plagues us until the end.

2.) I think most people in the lgbt community struggle with self-esteem because of hetero-normative culture. All our lives we grow up with an outside view from the rest of the population.

GuyxGirl is what we see 90% of the time. In television, in books, movies and the majority of time we're with family and friends.

Why wouldn't we think low of ourselves? We know we don't fit in the way everyone else does. Sure, we sometimes get over this, but deep down we know we're blue - while the majority is vibrant red.

3.) We come out because it's our way of showing we're alive. This is who I am, this is who I love. I exist, I breathe, I am.

My purpose is to live, and that's what I'm going to do... but, I'm different from most of the world, I'm not gonna hide though, or pretend that I'm not different.

I'm just me.


That's my input at least. :lol:

 

For me, I was more nervous over the fact that if I come out, there's really no turning back. It's like the point of no return for me. It had less to do with how my family took it as much as myself looking into the long-term consequences of coming out (ie. what lies ahead in the future).

For most others, it's the fear of rejection. This is especially the case in more conservative families or neighborhoods.

In both cases, as Lovecraft put it, we fear the unknown.

I'm proud of who I am. My mom keeps telling me that while I should always think of the consequences when coming out to other people, it is up to me to decide who I should come out to.

Anyway, I feel fine with who I am and I wouldn't change anything.

It's because we live in a heteronormative society where being straight is expected out of most people. It's hard to blame society, too. Around 90% of people would identify as heterosexual (I'd include some standard error as a result of heterosexuals who are bi-curious).

I agree, which is why if I ever have a boyfriend I won't hesitate to tell my colleagues that I have one if it was ever brought up. They can react whatever they want, but if I love someone I won't let others judge whom I should love.

 

So it is true what she said its one of the biggiest trouble that lgbt ppl have to go through, for most there is no way around it some u can wait a little longer and some don't plan to ever come out which is there choice and is just fine some even hate lgbt ppl because they are gay but they are in denial some. Lots think it is wrong being gay and (I didn't have time to watch the hole thing) (I'm kinda I between of being atheist and a crisgain) but anyway they think it is a HUGE sin to be but according the the hour long video that some1 sent me a link to lol. And I read that because of the EXTREAMLY low self of steam %10 of lgbt ppl commit sucide which some ppl say it is selfish which it kinda is and isn't buy it is still wrong and there is help out there ik thins for a FACT! U just have to go out there and look for it... Now back on the first topic I suggest not to come out until ur SHURE it is safe for you don't come out if someone in ur family (unles u can live in a safer place which will be better in the long run) hope I did good I know I missed a couple of concepts but its i think is good.

Austin-cappy

 

I do think we are acting more equal than those in the past did. I mean I personally hate the idea of dedicated 'gay clubs' and parades. I go to all the same places straight people do and what you see is what you get in regards to my personality, I don't act in a certain way to get my sexuality across to others. If people ask, I'll tell them - but I don't go out of my way to tell people that I'm gay.

This could be seen as slightly homophobic, but I do think there's some that act up to the stereotypes, go to all the places that gay people are expected to attend and just generally living a 'gay lifestyle'. Being gay is a single part of me, not my whole entity.

 

1. I think when it comes to live our lives we do a little bit of both for them and ourselves, but I do agree with you we need to start acting the same if we want to be the same.

2. On that my eyes skip a line I didn't see that part.

When they say "I wish I was born straight" what I think they really mean is I wish the world was more accepting of us. unless they are saying it has they find someone of the opposite sex.

3. We are not, but we are a better off every year that goes by especially with the younger people as they don't really care.


4. You add this one after.

umm a lot of people where I am do say who they have slept with regardless sexual orientation, but why I think some may not is they are in fear that something could go wrong and it could start a fight. or they my just not want to tell anyone.

 

1. The first is why is this so difficult?

this varies from person. It could be a fear of coming out and not being accepting. It could be coming out and scared if being wrong. It could be coming out and never finding anyone.
It could be a lot of thing...it just varies

2) Why do so many of us struggle with self esteem?

because a lot of us are very critical of ourselves and look at other people and wonder why we cant look like them or why we cant be like them....
some of the LGBT community are critical of themselves because they aren't accepted as easily as straight people. heterosexual couples are the norm...and being different isn't easy for some....so when someone has low self esteem as to who they are.....it might be because they aren't accepted easily by society and just want to be like everyone else...

3) Why do we come out at all?

to prove your not afraid to say your different but still human.
to say this is who you are...
coming out to people isnt easy for a lot of us.....its not easy because....your sharing a personal thing that you might have held in for a bit of time or something you might have denied....

and so giving that piece of information to someone ...is hard...because you never know how it will be taken


i could only answer those questions.
my ex scarlett has never been ashamed of her sexuality either but i am but the again were like complete opposites

 

1. The first is why is this so difficult?
Because you can't control the reaction of the people around you. It's a complete unknown which is scary.


2. Why do so many of us struggle with self esteem?
My self-esteem issues are less tied to being lesbian and more tied into appearance. So I can't really answer this question.

3. Why do we come out at all? This annoys me that I have to come out. I shouldn't have to. I should be able to just tell my parents that I'm dating a gorgeous girl and have them say "cool." You're right; I shouldn't have had to have the big conversation and almost throw up in the process because it was so hard. If we believe that we are in fact equal to straight people in every way why does the struggle continue? If we are proud of who we are what the heck is the big deal involving so much drama? I wish I could answer these questions. I don't know. :icon_sad:

---------- Post added 23rd Feb 2013 at 09:25 AM ----------

I'm still so very new to this and unsure of myself in this that it's super hard for me to answer these questions. I am in no way comfortable with being lesbian. I keep thinking how much it seems to change for me...for my family...

 

1. The first is why is this so difficult? I think its because we fear the reactions of others, you never know how they are gonna take it.

2. Why do so many of us struggle with self esteem? It could be that we are used to being judged, so we judge ourselves. You see people who you think are perfect and you wish you were like them. I don't struggle with self esteem much anymore tho.

3. Why do we come out at all? I'm not really sure, its being made a bigger issue than it is. we should just be able to simply tell them in a everyday conversation instead of it being made out to be a huge thing.

 

1) Why is this so difficult?

It's only difficult because we know that people could reject us for bring who we are. Even if those people are supposed to love us unconditionally. It has been one of the norms in society, but I see it changing. More and more people are accepting that not everyone is born the same way, and they are willing to let us be ourselves.

2) Why do so many of us struggle with self esteem?

The self esteem struggle is more caused by Hollywood than our orientations, because most people have the same struggles. We see all of these 'perfect' people on tv and in movies, and we want to be like them, so we grow to hate what we have.

3) Why do we come out at all?

We come out because we get tired of people assuming we are straight and/or cisgender. In today's society, while we have come a long way, people are still prone to assume that we are cisgender/straight unless we say otherwise. And we let people think that because we fear rejection. When we realize that the people that would reject us don't have a place in our lives, that's when we come out. I feel that it shouldn't be this way, but that's how it is. I do, however, see a day coming when it won't matter to anyone.

 

Afterthought, If you think about straight people are the odd ones with the different type of sexual orientations they are the only ones who don't come out, they are not equal to us.
We have to stop say we are not equal to them. we should say the truth they are not equal to us

I think everyone should have so kinda of coming out, but not like it's today more of just saying what you like. and without assuming anything about them.

 

look , i just guessed here. im not an expert.
i mean.....we dont have to act any different. love love regardless of gender.
what im saying by different is that , its viewed as normal to love the opposite sex...

i dont know why people come out...
i guess we like we have to...
i dont know

 

Having lived in the dark ages (60's and 70's) when it comes to sexuality, it is remarkable what strides have been made, this is a cause for celebration! So I plan to celebrate by attending the next pride event here in Montreal.

Before coming out to myself, I saw no point in doing this, I do not even identify with most of the other causes that have piggy-backed (so to speak) onto this movement, causes that tend more to the left of the political spectrum (not that there's anything wrong with that :icon_wink)

It is not that I identify with the more flamboyant members of the LGBT community, but I need, as a part of it now, to get to know that community and by being there demonstrate to the world that, although gay, I am for all intents and purposes part of the mainstream, and only equal in that sense (I hate the word "normal", no one should ever aspire to be only normal).

I get it, now more than I ever could before, that need to be proud of who I am and not ashamed. I think that those of us older contributors to this Forum know that we are straddlers, we have seen the movement from darkness to light and it is bittersweet, because to come out at this late-stage is in a deep sense tragic, there is no denying it. If only....