It happened...

So... today, March 2nd of 2013, I have officially "come out". I had not planned on it but it happened...

I have started to question things many many years ago. I accepted myself as being gay 3 years ago. In those 3 years I have done a lot of thinking. All of the what-ifs, whys, blah blah blah. I knew that I would have to come out in order to move on with my life. I ran through so many scenarios of how, when, where it would happen. One thing was for sure, my parents would be the first to know. I would hate for them to find out any other way. I planned on doing it many times but would always back out. Not sure why, I knew my parents would except me for who I am. I was pretty sure they knew anyway... what parent wouldn't by the time you are 23 haha. I just could never find the "right time". I would always have an excuse as to why the time was not right

For the past 6 months I was in desperate need to tell someone... anyone. I was tired of keeping this secret to myself. I started to get depressed. Some days were better then others. I knew that it was time to move on... but yet could not find the time, place, etc to do it.

Well as I said before, it happened today. Totally unexpected. My mother has had many medical complications. She has been hospitalized multiple times a year for 20+ years. Well, she is back in the hospital. I traveled across state to be with her during surgery. The surgery went great. Now it is time for recovery. I sat in her room with her off-and-on throughout the past two days. Multiple times she asked what was wrong. She asked me if I wanted to tell her something. Yesterday I denied everything. I asked why she was asking such questions and her reply was "I can tell that you need to talk. I can see that you want to say something but won't.". I continued to say that nothing was wrong and I was fine. Well, earlier tonight she asked yet again. This time she got a little more specific. I knew immediatly where this conversation was going but did not say anything. She told me that she was there and would listen. She then started the 20 questions game... here we go :eusa_doh: Do you have a girlfriend? No. Do you have a boyfriend? :icon_redf No. Then she popped the question... out of the blue... do you have feelings for men? I did not say yes or no. At that time a nurse walked in the room, THANK GOD, and there was a break in the conversation. Went the nurse left my mom moved on to other things. I sat there and thought hard. Was this the time? Was this the place? Why did she bring this up now? etc. I come to the conclusion that it was going to happen now. So I said "about what you were talking about earlier. I just want to say that yes, I am gay, I am attracted to other men." Her face lit up and she said she loved me.

My mom then went on to ask the questions that a mom would ask. The ones about if I have ever had a boyfriend. If I ever would be attracted to a women. blah blah blah. She then said that she has known, or had a suspicion, that I was gay since I was 13 years old. She continued to say that she loved me no matter what and continued to ask questions. I knew I should be prepared to answer them. But I started to feel overwhelmed. I needed time to myself. I told her this. I told her that I would answer any questions she had but at this time I just needed some time alone. Some time to think. She respected my wish. We hugged, told each other that we loved each other, and I left.

So yah, now here I am. At my motel room, drinking a beer, typing on this form. My plan is to go back tomorrow morning and see how it goes. I feel different now. In a good way. Known that all of my fear was for nothing. Known that my mom would except me. At the same time I know that I have to be there for her. I need to help her along with this. There is so much weight lifted off of my shoulders. I am excited for the future. This is the first step. I know there will be rough patches but at the same time I know it is all for the better. I am moving on. No longer stuck in the past. I am scared about certain things at the same time but know they will work out. Over-all I am happy. :icon_bigg So, I will update this when the time comes. My plan of approach in the near future is to take things as they come. Not worry too much about them. What happens, happens.

That is all for now. I am sorry if this drug on. I am typing as I feel at the current moment. Hopefully it makes sense, if not, o well haha.

Until next time,

Tyler

 

Thanks guys. I still feel so much better. So much weight off of my shoulders. I talked with my mother again this morning. She called by dad last night (with my permission) and told him. He took it well and is accepting. I am relieved that both of my parents responded the way they did. I know that I am very lucky to have parents like them.

My next step is to tell my best friend, who is also my roommate. I fully trust him and he is the best non-family member I know. I just need a non-family member that knows, that I trust, and that I can talk to.

Other then that, I am going to tell on a want-to-know bases. If someone asks, I will tell. I am not going to prance around and such. Truly it is non of their business. But like I said, if they ask I will tell.

Tyler

 

"My next step is to tell my best friend, who is also my roommate. I fully trust him and he is the best non-family member I know. I just need a non-family member that knows, that I trust, and that I can talk to."

I finally told him! He has no problem with it. Feel so much better knowing this. It is nice knowing that I have a friend to turn to if I need it. Have told my parents and now my best friend/roommate. Yeah!

 

Thanks. It took way longer to tell him then I first planned. Had to wait until the right time. My mother is doing much better.

 

That is awesome!