Hello everyone, been lurking this site for weeks, just made an account so this is my first post. This is a long message, but I need to get it out of me, sorry ^_^ So as the title says, how long did it take you guys to fully 100% accept yourself as gay after you realized it? It's been just over a month since I had some sort of "epiphany"... I was out drinking and got really wasted (blacking out, not remembering anything and puking) and then I realized I felt an attraction I have never felt before towards a friend I just met (friend of really close friend of mine). I am Hong Kong-Canadian and basically all my life in the countries (Indonesia, Singapore, Malaysia) I grew up in I have been "programmed" by my parents and Asian society to like girls and "be a man", showing minimal emotions in public and 'talking down' on females. I am now a second year student in a University in Canada and being alone in Canada while my parents are in Hong Kong (I have relatives in Canada) allows me to have a lot of "me time". I realized all my life I've just eliminated or squash any thoughts of being gay and have been "coded" to deny it if anyone even suspects me. But the whole month of February my emotions have just over-whelmed me, being extremely and heavily in denial that I could be gay. I even had a few nights where I cried myself to sleep...mostly from me saying "how is it possible" and thinking of how my parents and people I know and Hong Kong society in general will react. All my life I've lived a straight life style and "conforming" what straight guys should do relevant to my demographic. I realized that all this time I was just putting up an act... I spent Grade 10-12 at an International School in China and at one point even talked trash on the LGBT community ("had to"), now that I think back I also realized I never truly felt comfortable saying the things I said and now regret it. Being originally from Hong Kong and living in China, I was expected to conform to Chinese norms and "be a man", I basically mastered to show no emotions and regard females as a lower class because Asian society says a man shouldn't show emotions and display a higher status compared to females. I took a girl out to prom in grade 12, but also realized I never had any true romantic feelings towards her and just "used" her so that society and the circle of people I know won't look down on me. Now that I am back in Canada and have grown back "a little soft" its pretty amazing how I managed to pull through. I've been talking to one really good friend I knew from my international school in China and he turned out to be gay as well after I told him about my "epiphany", he's given me a lot of support and explained a lot to me, I also have to thank this forum for making me realize I'm not the only one and educating me on multiple aspects. But it was only very recently (few days ago) that I began truly accepting myself and let the denial fade away...don't judge me for this but what really confirmed any doubts I was gay or not was porn. Since I began watching porn I only watched straight porn, but since last month I came to realization and acceptance every time I watched porn I focused more on the guy and his (you know what) a lot more than the girl. A few nights ago I decided to try gay porn, at first it was a bit odd but when I found one with a really hot-cute guy in it, it just felt more right and so much nicer compared to straight porn. The inner me just feels warmer and happier now that I essentially accepted myself, but I know the "outer" me will still have a steep hill to climb mostly due to the fact of largely Conservative and somewhat ignorant society I'm originally from. But in all, I believe its safe to say I'm not straight and that...I'm gay.
I somehow knew I was "different" than the other kids when I was in 5th or 6th grade. But at the beginning I didn't know what it was or didn't want to know. I just didn't want it to be true and hoped it would only be a phase and would stop. I was in heavy denial and was wondering "why me?". I only started to deal with this issue when I graduated from school at the age of 19. And for me to start accepting my sexuality took another few years. I think I started to accept that I'm gay after moving out from home to study about a year ago. And even now I'm often uncomfortable about it. I think mostly because I haven't come out to anybody until now and this somehow gnaws at my self-consciousness. So it took me about 10 years or something and I'm not sure if I'm 100% accepting of myself even now.
I first started to accept myself when I watched these 'coming out' videos and i stumbled upon this guy, his youtube account name is "Jackissuchatool." And his words completely change my perspectives and I had an 'epiphany' sort of. But I fully (100%) accepted myself when I came out to my brother a few weeks later after watching the video. I first came out to my dad like three years ago, and both of them made me realize that there's nothing wrong with being gay whatsoever. I had such an awesome family haha! The thing is I come from a chinese descent as well. My dad is full Chinese and so you would think that he would be conservative but he is not at all. But I'm glad that you now accept yourself. Always remember that there's nothing wrong with being gay, not even a bit. Be proud of who you are! The people who should be ashamed are the close-minded ones. Never let anybody bring you down!
I took me about 4 years from knowing I was gay to accepting that I was gay. I have questioned things since the age of 13-14. I knew 100% at the age of 16. Did not accept it until 20.
I fell in love with my boyfriend when I was nineteen while I was off at college, and that was the first time I'd ever felt romantic/sexual attraction towards another man. We slept together (while in the closet) for about six years without really acknowledging our relationship. I'm just now starting to accept myself now that I'm back together with him after a two year break. I'm 26. So almost eight years I've been dealing with it I guess.
